Credibility in the Life

21 Jul

Got another one of those “check this out!” emails and, whoops!  Time to blog again!

Today – and on the heels of a conversation I had with my sweetie yesterday – it’s about “He’s 40. Straight – She’s 42. Bisexual.”  My first thought when I saw this information was, “Really?  I seriously doubt that…”  A little odd for me but I just got up about forty-five minutes ago and I haven’t had coffee yet; getting my morning mugging from the cat doesn’t help either, the little furry ho…

Anyway, the question I asked myself is, “Why would they expect me to believe that?”  I know on our site there are more M-Straight, F-Bisexual than can be reasonably imaginable.  What I do know (as coffee fumes reach me) is that in a lot of cases, this is a lie and one which brings up the matter of credibility in the lifestyle.  Now, if you went onto our site and happened to run across our profile, there would be no question about whether we were the age and sexuality we present – it’s also in our essay questions, too, and were you to wander into the forum, you could find the latest bisexual thread and find my fingerprints all over it.

But what about everyone else?  I know it’s easy for me to say that we are what we say we are because I’m telling you – and I have no reason to lie or conceal our ages and/or sexuality… but everyone else does.  Men who list themselves as straight but they’re not, their partner listed as bisexual but maybe only because her husband wants her to be.  I know it’s about protection and attraction; this particular sexuality paring is the preferred one with straight/straight actually coming in at number 2.  So, you’re gonna convince us to have sex with you after you’ve already lied at least twice (in some cases)?  If you lied about that, what other important things might you be lying about?

So when the lie’s been exposed – and for some this is stupid serious – what happens to one’s credibility?  It also begs the question if getting laid is more important than your credibility as well.  You read so much on our site about people being “for-real” and/or being an FFP, short for Fake, Flaky, and Phoney.  I actually came up with the acronym everyone’s using, by the way; in a reply to a post about this, I just got tired of typing it all out and shortened it – now everyone’s using it.  Anyway, people don’t have a sense of humor about such things; yet, when these two lies are told, it’s like the offenders get their fingers smacked and the lie is allowed to continue unabated.

It’s all about truth in advertising and it seems to me that if the first things we might see about you are a lie, everything else you’ve written could be as well which doesn’t make sense in a lifestyle where honesty is valued above all else; being dishonest can have far-reaching consequences and some of them ain’t exactly pretty to think about.  So why do they do it?

For the man who’s listed as straight but is really bisexual or bi-curious, it’s supposed to be a safety net, protection from having his sexuality known to others who might be out to get him – and to make himself appear to be “normal” and attractive to anyone who peeks at their shit.  Almost to a man, everyone I’ve run across on our site that does this has the exact same reason for it.  It’s not that I don’t understand this practice – I do but when a “straight” man wanders into a discussion about male bisexuals and tosses his two cents in – which also includes telling everyone that he’s lying in their profile, ah, it really makes me wonder.  Once upon a time, a “straight” man doing that would get bitch-slapped for (1) not being honest about his sexuality and (2) lying on the profile – but our site owner got tired of the cry babies whining about getting their poor little feelings hurt and made us big kids stop messing with them.

What, it’s bad form to take a liar to task, especially with something so personal as this “straight” guy wanting to dick your wife?  Doesn’t surprise me that people don’t like this… surprises me that it’s allowed, though.  If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn’t and if you believe in this, there’s a good chance that on our site of 52,000+ members, maybe a good 40% of them are lying like rugs about their sexuality or something else that might be deemed important.

Okay, women fudge their ages and weight – they’ve been doing that since Eve asked Adam, “Does this fig leaf make my ass look big?”  Men exaggerate the size of their cocks – that’s an easy one.  Neither of these are lies that people find overly offensive and, in a way, are expected; no one’s going to break out the tar and feathers if a woman understates her weight by a few pounds; they will give her the business if she says she weighs 150 and her most recent picture says she weighs 200, usually by saying, “Yeah, right, sure you do…”  That seven-inch cock might only be five inches, too, but only women might kick a guy in the nuts over this one.

Or the women who say they love the really big cocks and they have to have them, even though those puppies hurt like a motherfucker – but that’s not lying more than it is women are insane so I can excuse them on this one.

These folks spin a web of falsehoods… then wonders why no one is buying what they’re offering.  Um, that’s because you got caught in a lie about something lifestylers don’t have a sense of humor about.  Yeah, okay, these same lifestylers ain’t too keen on male bisexuals – although they are coming around – but they will stick a cattle prod up your ass and turn the voltage up high for you lying about being straight – even if they understand why you lied!  Ain’t that some shit?

It is absolutely amazing that lifestylers can spot a profile full of lies quickly and easily… but they can’t seem to be able to spot a couple who’s compatible with them?  Personally, I think this goes along with the mindset that they’re really trying to find reasons not to fuck someone or get fucked themselves more than they are trying to find people who are really and truly right up their alley – but that’s another blog.

This ties into the discussion I had yesterday big time.  I’ve been aware for quite some time that what it means to be bisexual is becoming lost and is now more of a thing to do than it is a way to be – and I find that bothersome and although I need to go back and re-read that particular blog, I figured that I must have said something troubling if my baby stopped what she was doing to talk to me about it.

So, yeah, when I see “straight” but discover bisexuality, I’m not happy – the lie just doesn’t sit well with me even though I get it.  Perhaps an overall lack of credibility is the reason why hooking up in the lifestyle is so difficult, being petty and picky aside.  It’s just that you have no reason to believe that the profile you’re looking at is, in fact, the truth and if you know that “he’s straight and she’s bi” could be a lie, well, there goes one’s credibility before they even read the rest of the profile; I mean, who wants to waste time investigating a lie… unless you’re the police?  I’ve said over and over to the forum membership that if you don’t ask, you won’t know – but, ah, who wants to do that when, most of the time, people have found out the hard way that what appeared to be a good combination was more not to their liking?  Experience does teach you that and there’s no better teacher than experience.

Compounding the situation is this:  If you know that you’re lying about this from the very beginning, why would you do something you know is (1) not going to get you laid as you thought and (2) piss people off when you fake the funk?  It’s also ludicrous that these same people who are lying to you will also demand nothing but honesty from you!  Say what?  Run that past me again?  Hold up a sec… I just found out that you’ve lied to me about your sexuality or hers and maybe a few other things… and you’re insisting that I not only be honest with you… but you want me to overlook the lie and consent to having sex with y’all?

Yeah, they really do this!  Some will even have the audacity to come back and ask you why it matters when it’s just about sex!  Incredible…

It is a given in the life that if you tell the truth, it’ll get you nowhere fast so maybe it’s a bit of reasoning that says telling a lie or two can’t be any worse – and in a weird sort of way, that kinda makes sense – but it doesn’t make it right.  Another funny thing about this is that everyone knows that people will do anything to get laid, including lie – it’s a given and one that’s proven itself over the millennium.  So, rationally, if you see a lying profile, well, that’s par for the course… ain’t it?  Still doesn’t make it right but somehow, when it comes to sex and things sexual, it kinda makes it right because people have always lied to have sex.  This can make one dizzy in a hurry…

A fact of life is that once your credibility has been trashed, it’s something you may never be able to return to where it belongs… and it makes no sense for someone to not only trash their credibility but their partner’s as well, just so they can fuck.  It’s not about fuckability – it’s believability, too.  Given that so many lifestylers are paranoid when it comes to this – and if you think you aren’t, sit down and think about that for a moment – if your credibility gets trashed in the two or three seconds it takes to read your stats, well, can you blame them?  You very well might be that couple that could make having sex with you a religious experience for the other couple… but you lied, your not believable, your cred is no good here and won’t be anywhere else once the word gets out on you – and it will; lifestyles say they don’t kiss and tell – but they do – they just won’t drop your name but by the time they get finished describing you, everyone on every site will know that your credibility is all shot to hell.

And all because you wanna get laid.

Lose your credibility with your partner and you ain’t getting any from them, right?  Uh, if that’s happened to you, why would you fix it (if you did), join a site, then do it again and, oh, this time, do some damage to her credibility while you’re at it?  Their pictures could lie, right along with their stats and preferences, and anything else they might say in their profile; all of these things is like exposing yourself to fluorine gas; not only is that going to kill the shit out of you but there might be enough left to bury after it corrodes you to the bone – maybe.

But, you might manage to fool someone into believing you, huh?  Can’t say the odds are all that great; on our site, you have a 1 in 52,425 chance of pulling the wool over someone’s eyes.  That’s better than the odds of picking the only six winning Powerball numbers in the next drawing (1 in 195,000,000 by my reckoning) and you stand a better chance of getting killed in a car accident (1 in 77) than you do fooling someone enough to get them to drop their panties so you can knock their boots.  The ironic thing is that someone will be fooled and get fucked as a result – then find out the truth, which can’t be a good feeling at all.

What dismays me is not just knowing that people will do and risk any- and everything for a slice of the damp or to ride the pork pony – it’s seeing what they’ll do for it.  People are always asking why it’s so difficult to do something that, reportedly, is supposed to be easy to do and I think the overall lack of credibility – or the inability to either establish or confirm it – is a part of the problem.  It’s why I say that it ain’t just sex – it never was and never will be and it’s why I also say that I’m surprised that with all the bullshit you can find in the lifestyle, people are actually managing to do this at all.

None of this should be construed to mean that there are no honest people in the lifestyle – there are.  It is, however, harder to find them – the liars are just easier to spot and that makes it hard having to wade through the bullshit to get to the people who are honest about such things and are willing to have sex with you.

The hypocrisy comes in when the people who have lied turn around and categorically deny any attempt at deception:  They have their image to protect.  Uh, how is that helping your image?  Again, if you’d lie about your sexuality, what else could you be lying about?  How does my catching you in a lie keep your image squeaky clean?  People even start playing semantical games:  They didn’t lie, mislead, misrepresent, deceive or bore false witness… but what they will confess to only confirms what they actually did.  Okay, keeping friends and family and even co-workers in the dark is one thing… but lying to the very people you want to have sex with?  Oh, yeah, and that you’d, say, contact us, knowing that I’d see that you’re straight and/or she bisexual – then you tell me otherwise, um, what did you just do?  You told me one thing, then something else – but which is the truth?  Even your confession about this could be a lie as well, that attempt to deceive so you can get next to my woman and you’ve pretty much told me that’s why we’re hearing from you because even though you’ve confessed that you’re really bi, eh, it’s not something you do all of the time?  What the fuck?  Tells me you had no intentions of engaging me at all – another deception on your part.

You every hear the saying, “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter?”  Yeah, I can play that game, too, and I’m damned good at it – but it’s not one I care to play when I’m trying to get my rocks off with someone else – people just don’t have a sense of humor about that.  So, when I tell you that I find it hard to believe your intentions are honorable, why do you get mad at me?  Because I saw through your deception or because I did and called you out on it?  Maybe you’re pissed with yourself because your seemingly harmless ruse didn’t cut the mustard?  Maybe you’re just stupid enough to think that despite being caught in a lie we’re not ever going to accept, well, we should have sex with you anyway because, really, that’s all it’s supposed to be about – no harm, no foul, right?

You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me…

My girl Cinnamon wrote a blog about honor, honesty, integrity, and trust – all of the things people are supposed to stand for and things that makes one credible.  Maybe they do and they are… when sex isn’t the uniform of the day; put sex on the menu and all bets are off, huh?  She opines that these things have gone by the wayside and while I don’t entirely agree with her on this, she could be right; we might take two different courses but we tend to wind up in the same place at times.

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Posted by on 21 July 2010 in Life, Living and Loving


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