Oh, Man…

I just finished reading John’s latest blog and a couple of comments made on it… and all I could do was sit and blink.  He speaks on why women are ambivalent about sex and the things she should do to not be this way and even mentions a few things about why they are.  And then he wonders why some women come back at him with claws drawn?  I commented that maybe the problem he has with this is because he’s a man trying to tell women how to be women and that some women just might take offense because a lot of what he says is a man’s view of what a woman should be.

He’s a brave man; I would never do something like that – I like my masculinity intact, thank you.  I can think of a lot of reasons why I’d think the girls are ambivalent about sex… I wouldn’t say anything about it, though; some women just don’t react well to such things, as John is finding out.  Every time a woman has asked me about such things, I cringe and balk at answering, knowing that I can say what I think or feel… and it’ll be the wrong thing no matter how constructive it is.  It’s also the reason why when a woman asks me what I really think about her as a woman, I never answer the question.  I did, once, and that didn’t go well for either of us.

I’m wondering if, as men, we’re not as much concerned or interested in why women are ambivalent than we are why she ain’t giving us any?  I know there are guys like me, who try to understand this about these wonderful creatures… but with the information we may compile about this, can we say that women shouldn’t be like this based on such a small sampling?  See, the thing is that it’s not as if women don’t know they’re like this – they might even know why they are generally or specifically.

I tend to agree with John that women get a bum deal about being women; back in the day, women were taught to act and be a certain way… that just ain’t working in 2010.  Indeed, some women teach their female children what kind of woman NOT to be and, yes, that includes not giving up the booty for a few reasons – it’s all about control.  Back in 1950, you could probably get all biblical on a woman about being a woman and sex… but now?  It’s not to say that women are without religion… but, ah, if they read the stuff John mentions from time to time, maybe a lot of them say, “Okay, I get that… so what’s that got to do with me?”

As men, we feel all women should be willing, ready, and able to give us their bodies… but today, a lot of women just ain’t feeling that and, as I’ve stated, the reasons are legion.  It is perceived to be a problem and it is… for men.  It’s not as if they – women – don’t know what’s on our minds about this and, yes, they do like that we are like this just as much as they can’t stand it – and all at the same time.  You can throw all the logic and biblical passages at them that you want; the bottom line is if they don’t want to give it up, they’re not going to – period.

The biggest problem, of course, is we have no freaking idea why they feel this way.  God, women are so complex that even the best of us just barely scratch the surface where women are concerned.  Tell a woman that she should be sexier… and I hope you’re wearing a cup.  Maybe she agrees with you but isn’t it about her idea of being sexy and not the guy she’s talking to?  And, maybe, she’s heard this from so many different men that, hell, it’s confusing because we all don’t like the same things when it comes to women.

Upbringing and ideology aside, maybe we’re the reason why they’re so ambivalent about it.  Through our own upbringing and ideology, we get this idea of what women should be like and what they should do… and who says we’re right?  Women sure as hell don’t agree with us, no more than we do when they start telling us how to be a man.  As a matter of fact, it’s a known fact that some of today’s music, particularly hip-hop paints a sexual picture of women by the men offering the music that offends the shit out of them… and guess what they’re not going to do?  Even a lot of R&B songs are created to convince girlfriend to give us the booty; the ever-depressing C&W genre paints a sad – but true – picture of lost love and sex.

Almost any woman, married or not, will tell you that when it comes to sex, it is about them and whether or not they want to do it and if you don’t like it when she says no, well, too bad.  Yeah, the other side of this is we do get rather, um, nasty about it and try to argue about our rights to her body against her rights as a human being.  As men, we are never going to win that argument so, to that end, to do so is pointless.

If your woman is, indeed, ambivalent about sex, try asking her why – nicely, of course.  If she has reason to be ambivalent, it’s nice to know why but, more important, find out how that ambivalence applies to you.  Might not be a “good” conversation but if you asked, you gotta hang in there to hear the answers.  Then maybe ask how you can make a difference in how she feels about this… but don’t be surprised if she tells you that you can’t; that kinda indicates that the true source of her ambivalence is so deeply rooted inside her she she never wants to see it hit the light of day and if you get that sense, just leave it alone.

Women today are of a mind that we should be thankful for what we have – and a lot of us aren’t, which is why John and others like him do what they do.  Better them than me…