Swingers are some funny people. Once again, a topic has cropped up about the use of condoms and how some people get confused when they see this statement in someone’s profile – then see pics of them going bare. Somehow, this seems to baffle a lot of swingers and, for the life of me, I don’t know why. Then again, that might be because I don’t believe everything I see about someone’s profile and, if I really wanted to know, I’d ask – but that’s me.
Okay, we know the watchword today is safe sex or even abstinence. Lifestylers, on the other hand, tend to go ’round in circles about this, often pointing out the contradiction that people invoke safe sex and condom usage – but are seen, say, performing oral sex without said protection. Oh, they really get up in arms about this! Some people do, in fact, use condoms for every aspect of sex; most don’t, especially during oral sex and if you’ve ever tasted a condom – flavored or otherwise – you’d know what that’s like. And if you haven’t, go get yourself a latex glove, put it on your hand, then try sucking your thumb or finger – you’ll get the idea. Then there’s nonoxol-9, the spermicide used on condoms; not only does it taste horrible, for some folks, it’ll make your whole mouth go numb, especially your tongue and that, folks, just doesn’t feel good – and I know this from experience.
The lifestyle does not advocate, suggest, or imply in any way that condoms should not be used. If you need ’em, use ’em – how hard is that? What gets people bugging is that in a profile, there’s usually a drop-down box about condom usage: Required, Ask, Never, are the standard choices and some sites will not let you leave this box blank – you have to pick something – and most people will pick “Required” when, in fact, that may not really be the case.
Not only are condoms a safety issue, it’s my belief they’re also a trust issue as well. Common sense should tell you that if you are fertile and not looking to have children, you do whatever’s necessary to make sure this doesn’t happen. A lot of men have been snipped, women have more reliable birth control methods or have been sterilized themselves – this is fine. But, given that there’s not such thing as the perfect birth control method – unless you have kids – most people who are sterile will still use them. One of the things I believe some lifestylers don’t think or talk about is what happens if the birth control fails and, oops, you’re gonna be a daddy or a mommy… and neither of you had anything to do with that.
I mean, all some people have to do is look to their own relationship to figure this one out. Maybe when you first hooked up with girlfriend, you had to be strapped up every time… then she gives you the word to leave the condom in your wallet and let’s go for it and let the cards fall where they may. It’s a trust issue more than anything else and, simply, she trusts that you’re not going to infect her with something and if you knock her up, well, do you like boys, girls, or both? Some couples will continue to be protected simply because they’re not ready to have children – this is also good.
In the lifestyle, a lot of people are “no glove, no love” and this is good. They very well may not use protection with each other – just with playmates and this is good. There are people who use protection when they play… but. If the people they’re playing with have been playmates for a while and a level of trust has been established, they can agree to leave the condoms on the table unopened because the women’s birth control method is working as expected.
Yeah, sometimes, everyone will get together, bring the condoms, and the action gets so hot and heavy that they go unused. I mean, there’s just nothing like sliding into a woman, feeling how nice it is and all that and just before you explode in her, a little voice in your head says, “Um, you know you don’t have a condom on, right?” Oh, yeah, that makes you feel smart, doesn’t it? It’s one of the reasons why I say that sex makes you stupid. Ah, but that’s why there’s a “morning after” pill, huh?
I don’t know why people are confused when they read one thing then see another; I mean, obviously, the use of condoms wasn’t required with the people in the picture and if you really are baffled, um, why not drop them a note and ask them? Who knows, they might even tell you! There are a lot of lifestylers who have steady playmates and have had them for years, long enough to trust them to go bare. How hard is that to figure out?
For oral sex, there are condoms and oral dams; there are even devices you can put on your finger (saw a picture of one just now). Do people use them? Probably… but I know both men and women who say that having something between them and the object of their oral desire just complicates things, especially when it comes to taste and feel. People are of a mind that their butts are the “dirtiest” part of their body – and they’d be wrong; it’s your mouth. Don’t get me wrong; there’s some bad stuff coming out the back door but it’s not as bad as the stuff you have in your mouth, beginning with your saliva. It’s just not there to keep your mouth moist; it has enzymes in it designed to start breaking down the food you eat. Your nose is connected to your mouth and there’s a reason why there are hairs in your nose; they’re there to filter out stuff you breathe in and, yep, don’t you also breathe through your mouth, too?
You can brush your teeth, floss, and use mouthwash… but is your mouth really clean? The science says it isn’t, no matter what that minty fresh taste is telling you. The funny thing is that a lot of people really don’t know this – or they don’t think about it when they’re about to go down on someone. So, the protection being used is really to avoid, um, bodily fluids like semen and vaginal secretions – and I’m sure people aren’t aware of what that stuff is made of, either. Some prefer condoms or dams for this simply because, um, that stuff is an acquired taste and some folks just can’t acquire it – but love to give head.
Lifestylers will ask, “If you give head without protection, why insist on it for intercourse?” I will note that this question gets asked by the site’s bareback faction a lot. But, no, it does not make sense that if you do the one thing bare, you should do the other the same way. A lot of women just do not like the feel of a condom inside them but they know that if they don’t want to get knocked up with another man’s child – and the problems that can bring to the table – they tolerate it and handle their business. But, again, how hard is this to figure out?
Then, there’s a guy thing that’s quite embarrassing. For reasons I’ve yet to figure out, there are some guys who will go to put the condom on and, oops, there goes the boner and getting one of those puppies on when you’re at half mast is no fun at all. Then there are the guys who gets a rash from the nonoxol-9 or maybe even the lubricant it’s combined with. Ah, there’s nothing like taking that thing off your thing and, an hour or less later, spend the rest of your night dealing with a rash on your shit!
For some people – both men and women – the word “anaphylaxis” is a very serious problem for them. People who are sensitive or flat-out allergic to latex, nonoxol-9, or even the lubricant used on condoms can have very bad reactions to these things, up to and including death. Condom makers have come up with a device that’s not made out of latex – but isn’t lambskin either; they may or may not be lubricated or may not even have nonoxol-9 in there anywhere. Despite this, people who know they’re allergic will stay away from anything like this because it’s just not worth the risk to their health because unless something’s done immediately, anaphylactic shock can kill within minutes.
I know about the joke of “coming and going at the same time” and it’s pretty funny – but not when the threat is a real one. Rather than take the risk with this, yeah, people will opt to go bare and take their chances like that and the choice is rather easy to make; take a chance on being a parent nine months later or take a chance of dying a minute after you come in contact with a condom you might be allergic to.
There are a ton of reasons why people will say one thing about this and do the opposite; the message to lifestylers is simple; if you want to know why someone’s like this, ask them. Oh, that’s right… this type of communication isn’t their thing to do – how silly of me! I say ask them; you may find out their rule is really one of being strapped up for the first sex between you – but after that might be different. But I suppose it’s easier for lifestylers to wonder, guess, be confused, and even pitch a bitch about it than it is to ask a simple question: Are condoms really required for us to have sex with you?
And, as with a lot of things in the lifestyle, it’s a matter of preference.