Who Says?

04 Nov

I started an intelligent discussion on the swinging website based on something one of the “major” players said in a post they wrote.  A submissive bisexual, he made the comment  – and I’m paraphrasing here – that even though he has sex with men, he’s not into men so calling himself bisexual is the best way to describe himself.  I consider this guy a friend on the site and I’m well aware of his, ah, proclivities where sex is concerned… but his statement jerked my chain.  So I started a new thread – as to not hijack his original post – and asked a simple question:  Who says you have to?

I’m always interested in how other bisexuals look at themselves and most of them I know tend to say, “I’m bisexual, but…” then follow it with their favorite qualifier.  But, one of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that the dynamic that’s bisexuality has changed a lot from the original definitions coined back in the 1800’s in that more and more men and women are straddling the line these days without any concern or interest in any emotional affinity to a same-sex partner other than lust.  The latest word coined is “heteroflexible,” which I have a problem with – but it fits the trend that I’ve been seeing for the last several years.

In this, people want the sex that can be had without the emotional attachment that’s been the bane of this branch of sexuality for so long.  It’s now a given that you don’t have to like men or women “like that” in order to have sex with them; all you have to do is like them enough to have sex and like the sex that can be had.  When my submissive, bisexual friend said what he said, man, I saw red for a moment because he knows just as well as I do that today, you don’t have to like men to have sex with them and if you do, most people will agree that you are bisexual.  He has the contention that just because he doesn’t like men giving him blowjobs and he won’t fuck another guy in the ass, that has something to do with him being bi or not… even though we’ve seen pics on the site of him sucking cock and getting boned in the ass.

It’s bullshit, in my opinion and in a lot of the other site members as well.  What also got my goat just a tiny bit was him going off on something someone else said – then he kinda put my name in it, sparking a few words between us and him suggesting I go eat a bran muffin; I really kinda stepped off in his ass about that one because the truth of the matter is I really don’t care how he describes himself; I just have an issue with people being pissed with someone else and dragging my name into it.

That bit of dumb shit aside, I maintained that despite what he said and felt, the question’s still valid and directed at anyone who’s ever uttered the phrase, “I don’t like men/women like that.”  My contention is that you don’t have to – you just have to like the sex to be had.  I know I don’t like men “like that;” I do like the sex, however and, using myself as an example in one of my replies to my own topic, I allowed that the most I might feel for the other guy is friendship; but, other than that, nope, ain’t gonna be running away with him and playing house with him any time soon.

What I see on the website more than anywhere else is an overall resistance to the word bisexual – and then mostly by men more than women (which is no big surprise).  The straight people on the site just love jumping into a topic that really has nothing to do with them and putting their two cents’ worth in with their usual brand of negativity, in some instances.  People in the life, for some reason, have an issue with labels and what they mean – and it’s a silly and rather defensive way to behave.  It’s one thing to take umbrage to being called something you’re not, say, if someone said you were gay when you are, in fact, straight but in this, if the shoe fits, wear it – it is what it is.

It’s a given that bisexuals don’t always do everything that can be done; just like anything else in sex, they have their favorite things to do and will, as a matter of course, discard anything they’re not fond of.  The weird thing I see at times on the site is that even when you explain this to straight people, they maintain that all bi men not only like taking it in the ass, but are wild, cock-starved people who are poised to attack any prick within their reach.

Are you kidding me?  I mean, seriously?  I find it rather disturbing to see supposedly intelligent people behave like that; they’d rather hold on to a falsehood rather than accept the truth and reality in this, up to and including this “liking” thing that gets people all bent out of shape.  Let me be blunt for a moment…

If you’re one of those guys who’ll proudly proclaim to any- and everyone who’ll listen that you love having your dick sucked, logic suggests that it shouldn’t matter who’s doing the sucking – you can replace male terms for female terms in this.  The whole thing falls apart because, for a lot of people, it does matter even though, intelligently, they know it shouldn’t… but one of the main points of resistance for such people is that “liking” shit that scares the piss out of them.  Oh, they’re so worried about that when the trend these days clearly indicates that, no, you don’t have to like men/women like that – it’s no longer a requirement or a necessity.  In most cases, having an affinity for a man or a woman as a result of sex with them is highly unlikely beyond, perhaps, having them do you again because they did it well and to your satisfaction.

Obviously, if this is something you just cannot get your head around, well, you shouldn’t be doing it – that’s just the way it is.  Some of the responses I read were in the mindset of if it can be done, you should do it – and that’s not right.  As I told those who responded, you don’t have to if you don’t want to – but if you do, well, don’t worry about liking people “like that.”  It’s not necessary in order to enjoy the sex that can be had and to whatever extent you want to have it.

No, this kind of sex isn’t for everyone and it’s pretty scary for some to think about and going into such things with a cavalier attitude isn’t a good thing to do; it’s really not that simple because you can mess up a lot of things in your life if you don’t approach this with your head screwed on right and all your ducks in a row.

But don’t let “liking someone like that” deter you from having all the sexual pleasure you can get.

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Posted by on 4 November 2010 in Life, Living and Loving


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