Bi to What Degree?

16 Sep

Since my mind is currently roaming around in the gutter, this particular thing comes to mind as well.  The damning perception about bi guys (specifically) is that we do it all and without any sense of discretion to the point where the word promiscuous doesn’t automatically put an image of horny teenagers into your head.

I’ve mentioned that not all bi guys do everything that can be done and because of this, it can make a bi guy stand up and say he’s not bi simply because he doesn’t do all that can be done.  It is, like all things sexual, a matter of preference… but for some bi guys, it’s a matter of need which is, of course, rooted in how you feel about being bi in the first place.

I’ve mentioned to the budding bisexuals out there that taking baby steps is fine; you don’t have to dive head-first into the whole shebang your first time out of the closet.  It’s not as much about what you’re expected to do in this as it is what you want to do and, again, for those of you who have yet to take the plunge, you might wanna give this some serious thought before exposing yourself to another man’s lust.

During a lifestyle conversation, a straight guy responded to a comment I made and said that since taking it up the butt isn’t on my list of things to do these days, I’m not really bisexual, his assumption being that all bi guys do it all – and all the time.  His comment did make me stop and think for a moment – could he be right?  Nah, not even, because I have done it and just because I choose not to do it in the here and now doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have reason to change my mind about it.  But, since I’ve been bi so long I stopped thinking about it – it’s like breathing to me – his comment did make me take a step back and look at the simple fact that even though a man can be bisexual, he’s only going to be that way to whatever degree makes him comfortable.

Even getting a blowjob from a bi guy isn’t a given because there are some dudes who aren’t into giving head for some reason that makes sense to them.  You start to get all into that top, bottom, and versatile thing but along with these sub-classifications, there are some expectations and behaviors that goes along with them and you’re expected and required to fall into one of them… and I’m here to tell you today that if you don’t want to be stuck in one of these boxes, you don’t have to be.  First and foremost, it’s about what you want to do and if the other guy isn’t buying into that, well, too bad for him, huh?

The biggest bugaboo, of course, is being fucked.  It’s a scary proposition and one that can kinda be related to getting a tattoo because, yes, it does hurt, it’s uncomfortable and, for some, very euphoric once you get past the first two things.  There are all kinds of tips and tricks to make both sides of this issue easier – but that’s not the point because while you may be comfortable with giving head and even swallowing, well, having your ass invaded is enough to make the most seasoned bisexual think twice about it.

To kiss or not to kiss?  We all know how sensual kissing is and non-bisexuals just assume that guys do the same things with each other as they would with a woman… which is both true and untrue – it depends.  I’ve kissed men before and, yeah, a few times, it was really nice… which should tell you what I thought about all the other times.  Kissing is optional and if locking lips with the other dude just seems too gross, there’s other parts of his body you can pay that kind of attention to, like his nipples (one of my favorites).

Giving that first blowjob, for some of the budding ones, can get interesting; for some reason I’ve yet to figure out, some guys think that giving head is as easy as getting it and while you might be thinking “Duh!” on this one, think about it for a moment.  While you’re doing that, yep, there are some guys who just dive right in on this one and probably because of all the things they’ve been thinking about in this, sucking dick is right at the top of the list… but you still gotta do it and, as previously mentioned, guys can be just as funny about this as women can be.

Unless there’s something in your head that’s telling you – and without any doubt – what’s right for you, most guys find out to what degree they’re going to be bi via the tried and true method of just doing it and then deciding if it was a good thing or not.  That’s pretty much how I developed my preferences but, then again, I didn’t have any preconceived notions before the fact in any of this; I wound up doing it on the fly – think of it as OJT!  I came to learn (no pun intended) that it wasn’t as much any particular act I didn’t like – it was who I was doing it with along with how I was feeling that would make me slide up and down the bisexual scale.

The first experience isn’t always a definitive one; it might not be the one that totally blows you away (again, no pun intended) but serves only as that proof-of-concept; you think you can suck dick and now you know whether you can or not and whether you like it or not.  For some, mutual masturbation is the starting point, with getting and giving head coming next, then, well, you know what’s next in the progression, with things like cuddling, kissing, rimming, etc., falling in place along the way.  That list of like/don’t like gets formed fairly quickly although it may take a few encounters to firm things up in your mind; like, I knew I liked having a dick in my mouth mere seconds after the fact but it took being fucked a few more times before I decided that, okay, this really is kinda nice… depending on who’s doing it.

And, yes, there’s no rule that says you can’t change your mind about something so don’t believe the hype that says you can’t!  It’s up to you to decide and control how you want to express this side of you and just not up and accept the misconception that if you’re bi, you have to do all of it.  It’s about finding out by some means what works for you in this and then sticking to it… but with the option to change your mind at any point.

My favorite example in this was an experience I had with a newbie and him telling me that, no, he didn’t think he could blow me.  The perception in his head was that he had to and I had to tell him that, no, if you don’t think you can do it, don’t try to do it – simple, right?  In this, I’ve always figured that if you can see yourself doing it, then you probably can; likewise, if you can’t, then don’t.  So we’re spending a lot of time with each other – he’s going through that “kid in a candy store” moment with me going down on him and I didn’t have a problem with that at all.

He had told me that doing the butt thing wasn’t going to work; yet, after bringing him to a very copious explosion, he said, “Stick it in me!”  Turns out that worked for him rather nicely and more than he thought it would.  So we added this to our list of things to do, although I could never get him to poke me in the butt – but that was fine because, as I’ve said, it’s about that which you’re comfortable with.  One, ah, session, I’m going down on him, having a field day and all that and the next thing I’m aware of, I feel his mouth on my dick and I instantly thought, “What is he doing?”

I know, I know – duh.  My “mistake” in this was not thinking that, at some point, he’d change his mind about going down on me so, yeah, it was a rather pleasant surprise even though he struggled with it for a bit of time; sucking another man’s dick for the first time can make some guys want to throw up and, well, the only way you can get that under control is to just exert your will against it.  He didn’t suck me off – that was okay – and when we were eventually done for the moment, he looked at me and said, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!”

So you can go from not doing a thing to doing it, just as you can do the reverse… because it’s your choice and not a set-in-granite requirement when you’re having sex like this.  I know I’ve probably pissed off a lot of guys over the years because I know what I want to do and what I’m not gonna do as a default even though I am aware of the fact that, yeah, I could change my mind about something… depending on how I’m feeling at the moment or who I’m with – stuff like that.

In this, it’s about understanding your lust and passion because these are the things that are going to drive whatever you’re doing and to what degree you’re comfortable with things.  When guys hook up with other guys, there’s that period of negotiation where you put it out on the table what you wanna do, not gonna do, etc., and once this is laid down and agreed upon, a lot of guys never deviate from this.  I got with this guy and, right off the bat, I pulled the “no anal” card because I wasn’t feeling it like I used to and that, for me, meant being on either end of the deal.

We hook up for oral sex and it’s all good even though the other guy wasn’t too happy that I wasn’t going to invade his backside.  Ah, but during another hookup sometime later, I did plug his butt for him and he was startled even in his happiness about it.  He looks up at me, looks between us, and asked, “Didn’t you tell me you’re not into this?”

I looked at him and smiled and said, “What, I can’t change my mind?”  I turned right around and confused him even more when I told him my backdoor was still off-limits…

At the end of the day, this is what all those degrees of bi-ness comes down to, doesn’t it?  If you can do it all, fine… but you don’t have to if you don’t want to and, no, it doesn’t make you any less bisexual if you don’t wanna do a thing.


Posted by on 16 September 2011 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: ,

3 responses to “Bi to What Degree?

  1. Foxfur

    18 September 2011 at 16:00

    Thank you! This post has confirmed many of my ideas and validated many of my feelings about “Shoulds” and “Wants” and where I want to go when with a man. You have a wonderful way with words and a gift for speaking in a forthright manner that totally excludes bullshit and eliminates misunderstanding.


    • kdaddy23

      18 September 2011 at 16:20

      You honor me with your comments, sir! Being bisexual calls for a lack of bullshit and being forthright and I don’t believe in mincing words when it comes to this because while it might not be a big deal for some guys, it is for others and they should hear (or read) the unadulterated truth about what being bisexual can and might mean to them.



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