Really?

Since I’m up and wide awake for some unknown reason, I took a trip back to that site that generated “Is This For Real?” just to see what other crazy shit I could see (as well as who had a dick pic).

This dude wearing a hoodie catches my eye – and his handle (which I’m not going to reveal) tells me right off the bat that this one is going to be funny.  I tap the screen… and he’s accepting applications for a boyfriend.  Say what?  Really strong preference for the “ideal candidate” to have his own place and a car; given that he’s 23, I’m guessing he’s living at home with the parents sans his own transportation other than our local transit system.

Twenty-three… and making demands to others to have their shit together… when I seriously doubt he’s got his own shit together.

Okay, it’s like an unspoken cardinal rule of such sites that if you’re gonna have a picture of your cock, don’t make it your primary picture.  It’s not that no one likes dick pics – again, I admit that I do – but on here, guys have primary pics of their cocks or their asses as if to say, “See?  See what I have to offer?  Ain’t it da bomb?”

Image via Wikipedia

Ah, hmm, not really.  Oh, don’t get me wrong – dicks are some nice things… but what you’re really telling me and anyone else who looks at your profile is that’s all you got going for you… and it isn’t enough.  See, when I was a kid and getting busy with this, the only thing that matter was whether or not you wanted to do this.  Being a top, bottom, or versatile didn’t matter – let’s just take our clothes off somewhere we can’t get busted for this and do what we gotta do.  The size and color of your cock – or the participants – had no bearing on what was about to go down – both literally and figuratively.

As I got older, I began to see that mindset was just as important as a guy saying yes to the sex; if you’re head’s not in the right place, the sex loses its meaning because while it is still just sex, um, that’s not all there is to it anymore.  Today, I can sit and look at profiles and, wow, talk about a train wreck!  What these guys don’t seem to understand is that you can be judged not only by what you write but how you do it… because the way you communicate says loads about you that the mere words don’t convey.

The one key and continuing vibe I get is one of impatience; a lot of these guys want all the perks but don’t wanna bothered with the details like taking the time to get to know the guy you want to do the deed with.  I saw, oh, nine profiles in a row where their owner stated they didn’t have time for this or that; give me what I want right now and fuck everything else!  A lot of profiles state that they’re tired of the bullshit and game-playing – and the fact that they’re even saying this is evidence of being impatient and unwilling to communicate at some intelligent level… and they’re wondering why they aren’t getting any action?

Some old saying about honey versus vinegar pops into my head…

Image via Wikipedia

I can admit that some of what I’m seeing just might be going way over my head; other than “adjusting” for the times, I still pretty much look at sex with another guy in almost the same way I have since it dawned on me that attitude matters – just keep it as simple as possible.  I actually asked my baby once if she thought I was now too old to keep being bisexual… and got my head handed to me (nicely).  I don’t pretend to understand this “new” bisexual/gay mindset although I do kinda understand that when you’re mostly operating on the DL, you can expect to be scraping the bottom of the barrel a lot more than ever before and in the hopes of finding the one really decent guy who only wants to be a friend – and suck your dick as a fringe benefit, if ya don’t mind?

How did sucking dick and being sucked get so bent out of shape and complicated?  Where did this mindset of “if you ain’t gonna do what I want you to do – and the way I want you to do it or you’re not a man” bullshit come from?  When did telling another guy what you’re into turn into what appears to be a list of demands made by a holed-up hostage taker?

My baby chides me for being so “old-fashioned” in my approach – and, sometimes, I think she’s right.  The simplicity works best for me and I figure that if these guys can make some of the most ludicrous demands I’ve seen in a long time, I can ask for the simplicity in this.  I really don’t care how big your dick is – I’m just not impressed; I don’t care what color it is or the body type of the person it’s attached to – it’s simply like this:  Is it clean?  Does it work?  Can I suck it?  If you answer yes to this, you’re going to get a blowjob from me and the sooner, the better.  Oh, you want to give me a blowjob?  Why, sure!  That would be rather grand and thank you for offering!

I was conversing with a guy on one of the swinging sites we belong to and he was questioning my bisexuality.  His thoughts were that I couldn’t be bi if I wasn’t fucking or being fucked… like having a love for sucking cock is chopped liver or something?  He questioned – or implied – that the reason I don’t is because I’m really afraid of it, to which I pointed out that I was pretty sure I’ve fucked more people in the ass than he ever will and have more than paid my dues being on the receiving end.  For a bit of time, he couldn’t get his head around the fact that I chose to take anal sex off my menu – and simply because I wanted to.

I even deigned to tell him why I did… and he didn’t get it.  What was funny about this is that, at least on the swinging site, he was a bi guy masquerading as a straight man… and he’d never been fucked or gotten his dick anywhere near a man’s ass; yet, he had the audacity to question my actions?

I bring this up to say a few more words (ha, ha) about this whole top/bottom/versatile thing.  Okay, I get the distinctions in this and, when I’m perusing the site, I actually look to see who’s a top and who’s a bottom – and, most of the time, I can tell just by what they wrote in their profile… after I translate some of them back into standard English, that is.  That there are more tops than bottoms kinda doesn’t surprise me and, yep, the tops all demand a bottom and the bottoms demand a top – but this makes sense if you understand the whole top and bottom dynamic.

So, um, if you leave me a note saying how much you’d love to fuck me in the ass – but my “orientation” says, “Oral” – not top or bottom or versatile, eh, why are you even bothering to say anything to me?  Likewise, if you leave me a note telling me how much you’d love to feel me in your backside, uh, go back and read what my profile says about this… and it doesn’t say top.

I mean, really?  Really?  Back in the day, okay, getting it up the butt was kind of given – and done equally, I might add.  But, if a guy didn’t want it like that, fine – we don’t have to do that and the sex commenced and it was no big deal.  Today, tell a guy you don’t want to fuck him or be fucked by him… and that becomes a problem all the way around.

I actually got into an “argument” with a guy who is/was a stone-cold bottom; his was entirely the feminine role in all of this.  Admittedly, his profile appealed to me – and he had a nice dick, too – and chatting with him was delightfully intelligent.  But, as we approached the negotiation phase and I told him that all I wanted to do was suck his dick, he went bananas about it!  I mean, I just didn’t get it!  If I’m with a woman, hell, she expects me to go down on her, right?  My logic says, hmm, if you’re firmly in the feminine role here, then, um, going down on you is called for… right?

Apparently not!  He said I could do anything I wanted to him… up to and including some stuff I’d never dream of doing to another human being (unless they really pissed me the fuck off)… except that.  This modern-day behavior bothers me – as if you couldn’t tell already.  It really makes me wonder just what the hell happened or if I really did miss something.

Or maybe, just maybe, I really am now too old to deal with this foolishness – because foolishness is exactly how I see what’s going on today with bi and even gay guys who are, for whatever reason, living and fucking and sucking in the murky shadows of the DL.