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Makes Me Insane

21 Nov

I just finished reading the blog of someone I recently met and there’s a theme in the blog just read that drives me nuts and if you’re brave enough to go read what just set me off – and ties into what I said on another person’s blog about a wish I had this week, here’s the URL:  http://abrowngirl.com/2011/10/i-will-try-again-tomorrow-part-2/.

One of the things that gets my fucking goat is what we don’t ever want to talk about, in this case, a woman’s sexuality.  Okay, before you get tuned up, I know all I ever care to know about coming out, when to do it, who to do it with, and all the shit that can go both good and bad if a person does so.  What bugs the shit out of me is when someone has the courage to come out to, say, family and friends… but while they know this about a person, no one ever fucking wants to talk about it or allow any such discussions in their presence.

This is what I said on Up4’s blog:  “I have but one wish this week and that is for people to get their heads out of their collective asses and stop being prudes about a great many things.”  It just drives me absolutely bat shit to see people sticking their heads in the sand about this in particular and sex/sexuality as a whole.  I mean, really, is anyone out there doing the nasty in some way that no one’s ever heard of or done before?

Hell and damnation, we can’t even talk about sex when it’s being done in the “normal” way!  It embarrasses us, makes us self-conscious and even surly when someone has the gall to bring the subject up!  Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s just too much information!  And, oh, yeah, we behave like this with the people we’re supposed to be talking to about this!  Would you believe that I actually had a girlfriend who wouldn’t talk about sex or sexuality with me… because it was TMI?  She was actually embarrassed if I even said the word “sex” just in passing!

And it’s all because we’re raised to be prudes.  Sex – and sexuality – is the ultimate dirty little secret.  It’s something we all know about unless we’ve been living under rocks all of our adult lives; and, yet, we act as if no one’s fucking and as if we’re not fucking each other in whatever relationship we happen to be in.

I was peeping one of those old dirty books you’ve seen me having a laughing fit over last night.  In the part I was reading, the young “I wanna fuck but saving myself for when I get married” chick heard the aunt and uncle she was staying with getting their freak on and, oh, lawd, hearing them screwing was just a shameful and humiliating thing to hear and so much that she just had to climb out of a window, scurry around the deck or whatever surrounding that level of the house was in her nightie, and go peek in their window to watch them fuck – oh, the shame of it all!

The author of this book immediately “reminds” the reader that sex is such a shameful act that we should remain totally oblivious to it… except, in this case, um, it kinda defeats the purpose of the book but, as I pointed out before, you can read this stuff and the overall recurring theme in any of them is this is sex; we’re not suppose to hear it, see it, or do it… even though we’re doing this shit anyway.

And to give you a more, ah, personal example, if you dare to do it, think about your parents (if they’re still alive or at any point in their lives) having sex – and tell me how that made you feel.  Made ya feel pretty shitty, didn’t it?  Too much damned information for ya, huh?  And you probably feel this way, not because they’re your parents… but because such knowledge is so shameful and wrong… even though you are very much aware that if they weren’t scrumping, you wouldn’t be here to be yelling, “That’s TMI!”

Like, one day, my kids were walking around giving me and the [then] wife weird looks and trying not to bust out laughing; I finally got tired of it and commanded they tell me what was so funny and, yeah, they were laughing because they heard us in our bedroom kicking holes in the walls – and my wife went ape shit and said, “You’re not supposed to hear that!”  She went ballistic and all I could do was sit there and roll my eyes over what she was doing, like she never considered those nosy little clowns just might be sitting outside our bedroom door and listening?  And when I mentioned this to her, and along with the fact that I knew they did it from time to time, she actually had the nerve to tell me, “What goes on in our bedroom is our business and they have no business minding our business!”

Really?  Kinda defeats and invalidates what we told them when we got to the “where do babies come from” conversation we had with them, huh, honey?  Told them how they got here… but then she wanted them to ignore what we told them?  I told her, “You’re being a prude about this, you know…”

Didn’t get any coochie for a week, too, but even her putting me on lock down proved the point I was trying to make to her…

Yep, there is some sex going on out there in the world that’s best left unseen, like the very deviant types people should be thrown under the jail for – but that’s not what I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about the sex we’re “comfortable” with, be it hetero, bi, or homo.  We know it’s going on; we even know who’s doing it and I think it’s both hilarious and sad to watch said people categorically deny that they’re getting their boat rocked…  because it’s TMI.  Some people get semi-cool; they’ll say, “Damned right we’re fucking and every chance we get!”

Ask them what their favorite position is and watch how they react – and especially if you’ve known them for a while.  If the word “prude”pops into your head to watch their TMI reaction, well, you know what I’m talking about and my next question to you is, does it make sense to behave like this?  And a lot of us are ignorant about sex because it’s so embarrassing that, for some insane reason, we don’t wanna know about all the ways we can get our cookies crumbled… even as we seek to get our cookies crushed the best way possible, any way possible, and every fucking chance we can get to be nice and crumbly after the fact.

If you go and read the blog I’ve referenced, you will see the “head in the sand” thing being mentioned in the comments – and the angst it creates in the people who are commenting.  Yeah, yeah, I know it’s about everyone’s sensibilities and, yes, they are to be respected… but, come on.  What is the fucking point of us running around and saying, “we’re all adults here” when we can’t or won’t talk about adult things, like “Suzy” preferring to be with a woman or “Ralph’s” preference in this or how “Bill” or “Felicia” like to switch-hit or how the couple next door’s favorite position is doggy-style?  Why does this freak us out so much?

Does it make sense to alienate a child or instill a sense of fear into them because of the way they love and have sex – and just because it doesn’t quite follow the rules about this, laid down centuries ago?  I don’t think you heard me – centuries.  People who’ve heard me talking about sex have asked, “You don’t have any shame, do you?”  My answer:  “Nope, not really… because I’m not doing anything I feel I need to be ashamed of – can you say the same thing?”

What gets me that they will, invariably and even a bit expected, say that they have nothing to be ashamed of either.  Ah, but ask them if they got laid last night and how much fun they had – or didn’t have – then watch their reaction… and it looks like shame to me… even when I know who they’re currently fucking.

Go read the referenced blog – if you dare and, yes, I’m daring you to go read it and, even more, come back here and tell me what you think about what you read and, yeah, you’re gonna see what I had to say about it.  Go ahead – I dare you – go read it and comment.  Of course, you don’t have to – I can’t make you do this but I’m thinking that if you don’t, um, you’ve probably helped prove the point I’m making with this, huh?  TMI; it’s none of your business; you have better things to do than to read someone else’s plight surrounding this and the negative impact this has on their lives.  Nope, not your problem, better them than you; you ain’t even into that shit and don’t even fucking believe in it.

And then you wanna know why we don’t understand each other better.  Because, deep down inside and when it comes to this – and on the whole – we’re a nation of prudes… and prudes doing some un-prudish stuff all the same.

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 21 November 2011 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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24 responses to “Makes Me Insane

  1. marriagecoach1

    21 November 2011 at 14:30

    I don’t at all believe that it hurts kids to hear their parents having sex. It gives them
    a sense of security knowing that mom and dad love each other and that they
    are not going to be splitting up. Even though parents sexuality makes kids
    uncomfortable they also need that sense of security.
    John

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    • kdaddy23

      21 November 2011 at 14:38

      I don’t either, John… but it’s the fact that we don’t ever want our kids to know we’re fucking; we have this incredible reluctance to talk about something that is very important to a whole lot of people – and even with the person we may be fucking and, to me, this doesn’t make any damned sense to be so prudish in our behavior in this. What is it that makes people so uncomfortable about talking about these things?

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      • kdaddy23

        21 November 2011 at 17:35

        Hi, Sunny! Yep, we know you’re comfortable but, um, if I were to ask you to tell me about the last time you got laid, how comfortable would you be telling me about that? Not that I actually want to know – just trying to expand on my thoughts about this. If the thought of revealing this information “bothers” you, then you understand what I’m saying about all of this; if not, good for you!

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  2. sunnydelyte21

    21 November 2011 at 16:23

    I have no problem expressing who I am. I don’t hide it, but not a lot of people know. I’m comfortable with my sexuality…and I think most of my readers know that.

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  3. marriagecoach1

    21 November 2011 at 17:45

    Sadly it is the church and the parents and I say this as an ex baptist minister.
    We have the most screwed up notions about sex in our country and it largely
    falls to the church who never ever teaches the sex positive messages from
    the bible and that it is a gift from God. All we ever hear is the thou shalt nots
    John

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    • kdaddy23

      21 November 2011 at 18:48

      Ya know? It bugs me to see this behavior hurt people and how they interact with family and friends. If they don’t cotton to whatever’s making them “different,” it’s easier for them to hide in the sand than it is to face the reality sitting before you who’s now feeling unloved because of some ancient, prudish behavior.

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  4. Lafemmeroar

    22 November 2011 at 01:53

    I read the posting and left a comment. I think that coming out as I said in my comment is like doing some housecleaning in the relationships department. True friends and family won’t be gone with the wind and in the dust bin when they hear the news. Albeit, some people will be uncomfortable about it, but I believe that they’ll warm up to it.

    With that said I’m straight, but I’m very private with my relationships until I know it’s “solid” enough for us to go public. I have always been that way.

    Now I agree that we are a nation of prude, I mean who came here but the Puritans … but we’re a bunch of freaky prude, we’re just a bunch of oxymorons.

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    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2011 at 02:17

      The operative word is “private,” huh? See, what I’m talking about isn’t really sexuality-dependent; you can be straight, bi, or gay… and this TMI behavior we have still persists. Another operative word: “Solid.” And even when the relationship is solid, we often don’t want to talk about it, do we? I like what you said – “…we’re just a bunch of oxymorons.” Can I steal this?

      Weird. You hear a girlfriend talking about how wonderful her sex life is and while you may or may not want to hear all the juicy details, you might ask her what’s going on that working for her that well because, duh, we’re not beyond picking up on any tip that make our sex better… and she starts hemming and hawing and doing the moonwalk – anything she can do to keep from having to actually talk about what she’s doing. Why?

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      • Lafemmeroar

        22 November 2011 at 03:17

        Talking about it with girlfriends is a different story. I have a few friends who are shy about it, but close friends? Ooooh we get to the details. And it is truly an educational discussion ’cause it lets you know that it’s all about different strokes for different folks.

        Then I know this chick (4 kids) who turns red when I say the word “masturbation” … so what do I do when I talk to her? Well I need to say the word at least once and the phrase “have you masturbated” today at least twice. It’s an ongoing joke to us now—she’s used to me. I once toyed around the idea of getting her a “massager,” then I decided to keep it for myself.

        But I have to say that talking about sex is a touchy subject. For instance, I don’t want to talk sex to my male friends because 1) they’ll think I’m hitting on them 2.) they’ll get funny ideas 3.) I really don’t want to share about my bumping uglies episodes to everybody. I think that in a healthy relationship “sex talk” is just a given. I mean the reason I wait so long before getting intimate is so I can have a comfort level to be candid about the subject.

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      • kdaddy23

        22 November 2011 at 09:50

        Yeah, Lafemme, I get that and, like I said, it’s a behavior we’ve exhibited like forever; why does it make us uncomfortable? I tend to think that we invoke privacy in this to cover up the shame of it and a sense of shame that has been handed down from generation to generation for the longest damned time… when there’s supposedly nothing for us to be ashamed of in this… supposedly.

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  5. GadgetDiva

    22 November 2011 at 05:49

    I don’t know why, but I’m still embarrassed about anything sexual in the presence of my mother. I’m very open around everyone else except her. I gues it stems from me learning about the birds & the bees from other resources. Hell when I told her I was pregnant 14 yrs ago I was scared. I do know that I’m doing things a lot different w/ my daughters. They’re still uncomfortable but I hope that by me being open with them and reassuring them that I’m always available to talk without judging or being angry, they will eventually open up when they have questions.

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    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2011 at 09:36

      Thank you, Gadget, for your comments and stopping by for a visit! There’s a difference between respect and reticence; as a adult, I’d often have conversations about sex with my mother, mostly because when she asked a question, she expected an answer and, well, I’d answer it… but I wasn’t beyond messing with her either since most of the time, she was messing with me, too. To me, it was a sign that I had really “grown up” and this was her test to see if I had turned into a real adult. But I’d push her limits – she is from a very different school of thought than I am – so when she asked me about the poly relationship that had been established – and asked, “Are you, ah, are you, um…”

      She couldn’t ask if I was having sex with my wife and our new family member. I looked at her – and rather devilishly – and said, “Well, yeah, Mom, stands to reason that I gotta hit all that stuff, right?” As I explained my rationale for this diversion from what’s considered normal, I took great joy in knowing that I could make my mom “uncomfortable” – but talking to her about it didn’t bother me.

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  6. marriagecoach1

    22 November 2011 at 09:18

    Hey Laffemeroar
    I know that is right. There are no secrets among girlfriends. They get to the down and dirty including male size and how good he is in bed. Men don’t go into near that detail with their guy friends.

    John Wilder

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    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2011 at 09:47

      Maybe the guys you know, John! I know when I got together with the fellas we’d talk about sex big time and in detail… sometimes a bit exaggerated – but we’re guys! Can’t get the 411 on the local coochie without giving up the juicy details; it was the thing that made me realize that women didn’t corner the market on gossiping. But some of these same guys couldn’t talk sex with the woman he was screwing and, often, his woman could say much about it either.

      When I first noticed this, I thought women would hit us with that “Is that all you think about?” thing because they’d get tired of us asking for sex… but that wasn’t always the case. They rather liked the idea we wanted to get into their panties and the more often, the better – a lot of them just weren’t comfortable talking about it – period. It was something I busted my then-girlfriend’s ass over, pointing out that she could tell her girls what we were doing but when I wanted to talk to her about it, all of a sudden, she didn’t have anything to say.

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  7. totsymae1011

    22 November 2011 at 10:07

    Ahem…why you so mad? I mean, really. People are just who they are and you’re who you are. It’s all good either way. Live and let live…

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    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2011 at 11:08

      One of the quirks in my personality; just because I know this is how people are doesn’t mean I have to accept it or like it – and I don’t. I do, in fact, understand it – but I don’t have to agree with it. The thing I really speak out against is that we spend our time wondering why we have problems with sex and relationships and it keep coming back to the same old shit, Totsy – we can’t talk to each other about the stuff that needs talking about and when it needs to happen. We can bitch and moan about it – we spend a lot of time doing that – but when it comes to having meaningful and effective communication about such things, we often don’t want to bother with it; we hide stuff from each other and assume that just because we don’t think or feel it’s important, it’s not important to the other person we may be involved with and, no, it doesn’t help matters when they’re indifferent about it – because they don’t wanna talk about any of this either.

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  8. Lafemmeroar

    22 November 2011 at 12:43

    In my case privacy does not equate shame. I am a private person. But I wouldn’t chime in a conversation about sex in a group of people I don’t really know. Unless I’m commenting on your blog of course 🙂

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    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2011 at 13:08

      In some people, it is, hon – but good it doesn’t apply to you and, yeah, thanks for continuing to make the point for me!

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  9. Amor24

    28 November 2011 at 20:54

    kdaddy, I’m a troublemaker and a meddler, and if I’m talking to someone about sex ad I realize that they’re prudes, I just crank up the intensity. Why? Because we ALL do it. That’s how we came to exist in the first place. And while I wouldn’t go and share intimate details of my sex life with total strangers, if you’re comfortable with the person you’re talking the nasty with, then by all means. Sex is an art, and like all good art, the different techniques that produce the masterpiece should be talked about for ages 🙂

    Lafemme you rock! *smooches*

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    • kdaddy23

      28 November 2011 at 22:07

      Thanks for your comments, Amor – and Welcome! I’m definitely smellin’ what you’re cookin’!

      Like

       
      • Amor24

        29 November 2011 at 12:17

        And the pot is boiling over my friend 🙂

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  10. marriagecoach1

    29 November 2011 at 10:08

    Hey Amor24
    I think that I am in love. You are definitlely singing my song and preaching my gospel. Tell it to all your girlfriends.
    Sadly a whole lot of women have a lot of ambivalence over their sexuality because of pastors and parents laying shaming statements on them instead of teaching them that sex is good and natural and a gift from God.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    Like

     
    • Amor24

      29 November 2011 at 12:22

      I hear you brother. What those parents and pastors fail to realize is that if they’re going to condemn sex (double standard bunch. Look at the history of pastors and infidelity), they should condemn life as well. 🙂

      Like

       
      • kdaddy23

        29 November 2011 at 12:44

        Well said, Amor, well said!

        Like

         

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