I just finished reading the blog of someone I recently met and there’s a theme in the blog just read that drives me nuts and if you’re brave enough to go read what just set me off – and ties into what I said on another person’s blog about a wish I had this week, here’s the URL: http://abrowngirl.com/2011/10/i-will-try-again-tomorrow-part-2/.
One of the things that gets my fucking goat is what we don’t ever want to talk about, in this case, a woman’s sexuality. Okay, before you get tuned up, I know all I ever care to know about coming out, when to do it, who to do it with, and all the shit that can go both good and bad if a person does so. What bugs the shit out of me is when someone has the courage to come out to, say, family and friends… but while they know this about a person, no one ever fucking wants to talk about it or allow any such discussions in their presence.
This is what I said on Up4’s blog: “I have but one wish this week and that is for people to get their heads out of their collective asses and stop being prudes about a great many things.” It just drives me absolutely bat shit to see people sticking their heads in the sand about this in particular and sex/sexuality as a whole. I mean, really, is anyone out there doing the nasty in some way that no one’s ever heard of or done before?
Hell and damnation, we can’t even talk about sex when it’s being done in the “normal” way! It embarrasses us, makes us self-conscious and even surly when someone has the gall to bring the subject up! Oh, my goodness gracious, that’s just too much information! And, oh, yeah, we behave like this with the people we’re supposed to be talking to about this! Would you believe that I actually had a girlfriend who wouldn’t talk about sex or sexuality with me… because it was TMI? She was actually embarrassed if I even said the word “sex” just in passing!
And it’s all because we’re raised to be prudes. Sex – and sexuality – is the ultimate dirty little secret. It’s something we all know about unless we’ve been living under rocks all of our adult lives; and, yet, we act as if no one’s fucking and as if we’re not fucking each other in whatever relationship we happen to be in.
I was peeping one of those old dirty books you’ve seen me having a laughing fit over last night. In the part I was reading, the young “I wanna fuck but saving myself for when I get married” chick heard the aunt and uncle she was staying with getting their freak on and, oh, lawd, hearing them screwing was just a shameful and humiliating thing to hear and so much that she just had to climb out of a window, scurry around the deck or whatever surrounding that level of the house was in her nightie, and go peek in their window to watch them fuck – oh, the shame of it all!
The author of this book immediately “reminds” the reader that sex is such a shameful act that we should remain totally oblivious to it… except, in this case, um, it kinda defeats the purpose of the book but, as I pointed out before, you can read this stuff and the overall recurring theme in any of them is this is sex; we’re not suppose to hear it, see it, or do it… even though we’re doing this shit anyway.
And to give you a more, ah, personal example, if you dare to do it, think about your parents (if they’re still alive or at any point in their lives) having sex – and tell me how that made you feel. Made ya feel pretty shitty, didn’t it? Too much damned information for ya, huh? And you probably feel this way, not because they’re your parents… but because such knowledge is so shameful and wrong… even though you are very much aware that if they weren’t scrumping, you wouldn’t be here to be yelling, “That’s TMI!”
Like, one day, my kids were walking around giving me and the [then] wife weird looks and trying not to bust out laughing; I finally got tired of it and commanded they tell me what was so funny and, yeah, they were laughing because they heard us in our bedroom kicking holes in the walls – and my wife went ape shit and said, “You’re not supposed to hear that!” She went ballistic and all I could do was sit there and roll my eyes over what she was doing, like she never considered those nosy little clowns just might be sitting outside our bedroom door and listening? And when I mentioned this to her, and along with the fact that I knew they did it from time to time, she actually had the nerve to tell me, “What goes on in our bedroom is our business and they have no business minding our business!”
Really? Kinda defeats and invalidates what we told them when we got to the “where do babies come from” conversation we had with them, huh, honey? Told them how they got here… but then she wanted them to ignore what we told them? I told her, “You’re being a prude about this, you know…”
Didn’t get any coochie for a week, too, but even her putting me on lock down proved the point I was trying to make to her…
Yep, there is some sex going on out there in the world that’s best left unseen, like the very deviant types people should be thrown under the jail for – but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the sex we’re “comfortable” with, be it hetero, bi, or homo. We know it’s going on; we even know who’s doing it and I think it’s both hilarious and sad to watch said people categorically deny that they’re getting their boat rocked… because it’s TMI. Some people get semi-cool; they’ll say, “Damned right we’re fucking and every chance we get!”
Ask them what their favorite position is and watch how they react – and especially if you’ve known them for a while. If the word “prude”pops into your head to watch their TMI reaction, well, you know what I’m talking about and my next question to you is, does it make sense to behave like this? And a lot of us are ignorant about sex because it’s so embarrassing that, for some insane reason, we don’t wanna know about all the ways we can get our cookies crumbled… even as we seek to get our cookies crushed the best way possible, any way possible, and every fucking chance we can get to be nice and crumbly after the fact.
If you go and read the blog I’ve referenced, you will see the “head in the sand” thing being mentioned in the comments – and the angst it creates in the people who are commenting. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s about everyone’s sensibilities and, yes, they are to be respected… but, come on. What is the fucking point of us running around and saying, “we’re all adults here” when we can’t or won’t talk about adult things, like “Suzy” preferring to be with a woman or “Ralph’s” preference in this or how “Bill” or “Felicia” like to switch-hit or how the couple next door’s favorite position is doggy-style? Why does this freak us out so much?
Does it make sense to alienate a child or instill a sense of fear into them because of the way they love and have sex – and just because it doesn’t quite follow the rules about this, laid down centuries ago? I don’t think you heard me – centuries. People who’ve heard me talking about sex have asked, “You don’t have any shame, do you?” My answer: “Nope, not really… because I’m not doing anything I feel I need to be ashamed of – can you say the same thing?”
What gets me that they will, invariably and even a bit expected, say that they have nothing to be ashamed of either. Ah, but ask them if they got laid last night and how much fun they had – or didn’t have – then watch their reaction… and it looks like shame to me… even when I know who they’re currently fucking.
Go read the referenced blog – if you dare and, yes, I’m daring you to go read it and, even more, come back here and tell me what you think about what you read and, yeah, you’re gonna see what I had to say about it. Go ahead – I dare you – go read it and comment. Of course, you don’t have to – I can’t make you do this but I’m thinking that if you don’t, um, you’ve probably helped prove the point I’m making with this, huh? TMI; it’s none of your business; you have better things to do than to read someone else’s plight surrounding this and the negative impact this has on their lives. Nope, not your problem, better them than you; you ain’t even into that shit and don’t even fucking believe in it.
And then you wanna know why we don’t understand each other better. Because, deep down inside and when it comes to this – and on the whole – we’re a nation of prudes… and prudes doing some un-prudish stuff all the same.