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Late One Night

03 Feb

As the title suggests, it was late one night, my baby was snoring softly in our bedroom and our cat, Zane, was in “her” chair just scant inches from where I sat at my desk and dreaming of stuff that only means something to cats… when I felt that familiar rush of hormones flooding through my body – it was gutter time!

This particular version of it goes a little something like this:  I’m not exactly horny but I want to watch a little porn – but not to inspire me to masturbate; I just wanna see people having sex.  I’ll admit to having a, ah, decent amount of porn and in many different flavors, too – I kinda collect it as a hobby and you don’t have to believe that if you don’t want to.  Anyway, the hormones are at the right level for me to sit and watch people fucking and at just above the clinical detachment mode.

A quick decision to make:  Do I want to dive into my physical DVD collection of porn or do I want to stay where I am and delve into the continuation of that collection that resides on my computer?  Hormones says, “Stay put – I need to see some shit now!”  Fine with me; I don’t run the risk of waking my baby up.  I navigate to where the porn lives and, um, yeah, there’s quite a bit of it so now I have to decide what I want to watch.

My conscious mind doesn’t really care and leaves the decision up to Hormones as I scan through the titles and remembering a little something about each flick until Hormones makes me stop scrolling and says, “Yeah, this one – let me see this one!”  It’s one of few gay porn movies I have on the computer (the rest is on DVDs) and I’m absently thinking about what it’s about based on the title.

“Oh, yeah, this one is typically plotless, just like the rest of that shit Hormones seems to like,” says the part of my mind that firmly believes porn is a bunch of bullshit.  It’s about to say something else but Hormones gives my brain an extra jolt and that cold, clinical voice fades into silence.

“Click play,” Hormones commands, “And make sure the fucking sound is off!”

The flick begins and me and Hormones settle in to take in the action and to hell with anything that’s not sex in this movie, but the clinical part of my mind has shaken off being put in thrall by Hormones seconds into the first scene and asks, “Okay, what the fuck is it with gay dudes wearing jock straps instead of underwear like normal people?  How is that shit sexy?”

Hormones is agreeing with Clinical big time:  “Yeah, he needs to stop licking the damned thing and get to the dick!”

Eventually the guy does and Hormones is happy while Clinical is having a nice time dissecting the guy’s cock and taking note at how easily the guy giving the blowjob is handling things.  Personally, I want to see some 69 action but I know there’s no such animal in this one and I do feel a bit disappointed – but Hormones wanted to see this one, not me.

The blowjobs continue; both Hormones and Clinical are glad to see that both dicks got sucked but Clinical is now wondering who is going to be laying the pipe, the guy who appears to be dominant or the, ah, less dominant dude.  Hormones announces that it doesn’t care as long as someone gets fucked and, minutes later, is howling gleefully as the less-dominant dude is hammering the dominant guy’s butthole with unbridled gusto.

Clinical’s been paying attention to entry method, easy of entry, stuff like that up to and including with how wide the guy’s ass is being stretched and even noting just how weird it looks to see a guy being fucked in the ass, which seems ‘different’ than watching a woman getting corn-holed; Hormones is laughing its ass off at Clinical and executes a gag order on it lest Clinical try to ruin Hormone’s fun.  All the while, I’m just sitting and watching and listening to these inner voices bickering with each other.

The next scene finally comes along and Clinical says, “I hate this one!” and Hormones just shrugs and makes me click past what looks like inane dialog until it gets to the part where the dark-haired guy is getting sucked off by the guy with the reddish-brown hair.  Hormones is rolling its eyes and agrees with Clinical that of all the blowjobs they’ve seen on film, this one was just fucking lame; the guy doing the sucking seemed to have no idea how to suck a dick and, indeed, seemed to be really reluctant to do it, like he was telling himself, “I need the money…”

Dark-hair dude has a nice dick, I think and Clinical agrees while Hormones’ entertaining the thought of how nice it would be for me to suck that dick – then we get to the part that Clinical hates:  DHD busts a rather impressive nut all over the other guy’s face – then yanks his pants up and hauls ass like the cops were after him, leaving the other guy with a hard-on and jizz all over his face, which reflects both his disappointment and sense of being unfulfilled.

“Turn this dumb shit off,” Clinical growls through the muffle of the gag Hormones slapped in place and, personally, I’m agreeing with Clinical on this one but Hormones, that nasty fucker, wants to see more cock sucking and dicks plowing back roads.

Both Clinical and Hormones want to yak all over the place during the scene where there was more kissing than anything else; Clinical’s thoroughly disgusted by the time dick goes into ass and even Hormones ain’t in the spirit so much.

“Okay, turn it off,” Hormones says about half way through the next scene.  “Hey, Clinical, how come those dudes weren’t sucking on each other’s nipples?”

Clinical shrugs and says, “This is someone else’s idea of gay sex, dude – what the fuck are you asking me for?”

Hormones says, “Figures.  I’m going to bed – I’ll catch y’all later!” and fades into the background, leaving me and Clinical to ponder – again – what we were just watching.

I know that what I saw was real… yet, even this kind of porn reeks with the scent of make-believe, like the part where the guy’s is sucking dick but you can tell he got distracted by something off-camera because he flinched and it had nothing to do with the dick in his mouth; or the moment where this same guy was tossing a salad… and doing it like it was the last fucking thing on earth he wanted to be doing – it was like watching someone trying to eat an oyster for the first time and because someone dared him to do it.

Or the sloppy editing that happened when it was clear that one guy who was doing the fucking couldn’t get the head of his dick into the other guy’s ass; I’m guessing they shut the camera off or something to apply some lube because you’re watching this guy fumbling around to just find the other guy’s hole – then he’s happily humping away and it just makes you think, “What did I miss?”

I was reading over Clinical’s notes on this particular flick, like how only one “model” seemed to truly enjoy what was going on, as reflected in his body language while the others were just playing a part and following a list of things to do and, oh, yeah, look like you’re having fun doing it, will ya?  Clinical had written down a few things about the scene with the dark-haired dude, like how he didn’t have his hat on when the scene started – but then it appeared again or how his eyes kept flicking from watching his dick being sucked to someone or something off-camera – it wasn’t that thing you see the women do in porn films, you know, looking “at you” as if to say, “Don’t you wish this was you?”

“I think that was a waste of time,” Clinical says to me as I shunt the computer into standby mode.  “But, as long as Hormones’ happy, I guess it was worth it… wasn’t it?”

I couldn’t answer – all I did was frown as I gathered up my iPod and headed off to bed because even though Hormones was made happy, I don’t really know if it was worth watching “art” trying to imitate life.

“So why watch it?” you may be asking and the answer’s really simple:  Because I can and because, with Sybil-like thinking aside, I want to.  Yes, when I do, I can hear my “moral voice” trying to scream at me through the ball-gag its wearing; I’m not supposed to be interested in two guys fucking.  And, no, I have no problem ignoring that voice in my head, either but, damn, I wish they’d be more realistic about the sex.

I wonder why they never show “regular” dudes in these flicks?  Maybe that’s why on one hand, my primitive hormone-driven self can “get off” watching this but the rest of me is like, wow, is this everyone’s impression of man-on-man sex?  Skinny, anorexic-looking guys with smooth, girly bodies or guys so muscularly built they make Arnold look skinny or, occasionally, guys so hairy that dipping them in a vat of Nair would be in order; or it’s all leathers and other biker accouterments.

Where are the guys like me?  Average build and average-looking, maybe a bit of a spare tire but someone you’d see and there’s no indication that he likes dick – until you see him going for it like there’s no tomorrow?    Okay, yeah, I’m bisexual… but I know and have seen gay dudes who are more like me than they are some twinky-looking dude, ya know?  You wouldn’t or couldn’t even guess that they were gay and that’s probably because they don’t have that stereotypical behavior.

And, really (and probably finally) where is the passion?  You see them doing whatever but because it’s all so contrived, you never get the sense of passion and lust being slaked and even to the point that if you’ve experienced this in real life, you’re more detached from it than you can relate/identify with what you’re watching.

But, again, it made Hormones happy and I guess that’ll have to suffice…

 
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Posted by on 3 February 2012 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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