Plausible Deniability

16 Apr

So… this one is for budding bisexuals and folks interested in, ah, alternative lifestyles and is centered on being real about your sexuality and not using other terms to describe it.  One of the things I’ve seen that drives me totally apeshit are people who are into bisexual sex… but use terms that go out of their way to be inaccurate, like “heteroflexible.”

Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril: two men and a...

Painting by Édouard-Henri Avril: two men and a woman having a threesome. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know the definition for this one… and just what the fuck does it really mean?  Let’s see… there’s “socially bi,” “passively bi,” “bi with the right person,” and just outright denial that the word “bisexual” really does define their actions.  What I wonder about the folks who use such evasive terminology is why they feel the need to lie to themselves about what they’re doing?

I know that in, um, certain lifestyle settings, such a blatant lie doesn’t curry a great deal of favor because it begs a really important question:  If you’re lying about your sexuality, what else might you be lying about?  In that certain lifestyle setting, once you get exposed and branded as a liar, well, the word “pariah” comes to mind…


Ducks! (Photo credit: Larry Johnson)

You’ve heard the saying, “If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck” right?  It stands to reason, then, that if you like and engage in bisexual sex, you’re that kind of duck, huh?  But, you’d be surprised at the lengths people will go to categorically deny their resemblance to a certain waterfowl.

Another fallacious argument in this particular situation is that frequency of action determines whether or not someone is “really” bisexual… and that’s bullshit.  I know people who engage in bisexual sex on a near-regular basis… and they will tell you that because they don’t do it “all the time,” they’re not bisexual.  One of my all-time favorite examples of plausible deniability is a guy I know who, for the longest time, denied he was bisexual; instead, he quantified his cock-sucking and getting his fudged packed by saying that he did this because he was submissive… or, “I was only following orders.”  Following this one is a claim from another guy I know that even though he just loves having another dude suck his dick and he loves fucking guys in the ass, he’s not bisexual because he doesn’t go for getting that penile butt-plug… like that really changes the duck into something else?

If you publicly use one of the above-mentioned euphemisms, you’re not being trendy; you’re not even being selective in what acts you are down with; you’re just trying to deny that you are, by definition, bisexual and it reveals that you just ain’t comfortable with the fact that you’re that quacking duck.

I know that people do this… and as far as I can make out, the only reason why they use these… words and phrases is because they don’t think their actions make them bisexual;  that’s almost like me saying that I don’t eat sushi… but I like California rolls.

It’s “okay” to say, “I’m bisexual but I don’t do (add what you won’t do here)” because there’s nothing wrong with being selective about what you do; despite popular belief, this kind of sex isn’t an all-or-nothing kind of thing because just like straight sex, there are things people will and will not do and for whatever reasons works for them.

Now, to be fair in this, I have read quite a few papers that, in my opinion, validates plausible deniability for those who don’t want to say they’re bisexual.  The papers suggest that “Mike” can enjoy oral and anal sex with another guy… but as long as he doesn’t believe himself to be bisexual, then, okay, he’s not a duck despite his quacking.  The stuff I’ve read does a piss-poor job of trying to isolate the emotional aspects of bisexuality and focuses only on the sex (which is in-line with the current definition, by the way) – but then tries to downplay it even further by saying that “Mike” has no other interest in men other than sexual gratification… which is just patently ridiculous… but it makes a lot of people happy with themselves to have this out and serves to further gloss over what I think is a very glaring fact:  No matter what you want to call it, it’s still homosexual sex if “Mike” and “Tim” are getting jiggy with each other – and having some pussy in the room doesn’t negate this, as I’ve heard quite a few people claim.  Point this out to them and watch the deniability fur start to fly…

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, how can it not be a duck?  I’ve asked the people who do this on a regular basis to explain to me just what the point is in telling what is clearly a blatant lie… and some of the answers I’ve gotten just flat-out baffle me; how you can, say, enjoy strapping on a condom and wailing away in some dude’s butt whenever you get the chance to – while still very much enjoying sex with women – but that doesn’t make you bisexual just makes me have a Lewis Black moment until my neck cracks…

Or, ha-ha, perhaps the Matrix has us all and there is no duck – uh, spoon…


Posted by on 16 April 2012 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

4 responses to “Plausible Deniability

  1. sunnydelyte21

    24 April 2012 at 10:48

    I’ve known many people who have said they were bi when they are drunk. Like really…gotfh. I think everyone needs to read this!

    Excellent read!


    • kdaddy23

      24 April 2012 at 15:20

      Yep, I’ve known people to get tore up from the floor up and admit that they’re bisexual – and that’s the only time you’d ever hear them admit such a thing. But that’s okay… and different than saying they’re heteroflexible… which is such a stupid word when you really stop to think about it.

      This isn’t the same as flat-out denying that one is bi, like, the fellas are all hanging out, the topic comes up (somehow it always does), and they all swear to God that they’d never let another dude suck their dick… but you know a few of them have and one still does on the DL.

      We believe in calling a spade a spade… except when it comes to this; we’ve created new words and phrases to plausibly deny the fact that, yeah, you’re bisexual.

      Thanks for your comments, Sunny!


  2. redwinenroses

    6 May 2012 at 23:40

    ‘that even though he just loves having another dude suck his dick’ he will say he is NOT in any way BI…Sounds just like someone we both know lol…I can’t wait till I can get an hour to myself to blog on this very subject.



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