So, the other day (I think), I was doing an email check and saw that someone sent me an email from the, ah, “guy site” I belong to. I saw it, blinked, and said to the cat, “Oh, I forgot all about this place…”
I go onto the site and, wow, there’s actually a few things that have been hanging out for a while so now it’s time for one of my favorite things to do when I’m reminded of the site: See what the guys trying to contact me are about.
I guess I get reminded about the joint every few months – it’s just not something I have in the front of my mind – and I gotta give it to some of these guys – they’re consistent… consistently ignorant, self-centered, demanding, and downright rude and crude – and it’s pretty funny and, often, pathetically so because I don’t think anyone taught these dudes that you get more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar.
I find that I don’t respond well to a guy telling me how much he’d like to get freaky with me – and he hasn’t “properly” introduced himself, or those guys whose message is short and pointless: “What’s up?” What’s up? You’re asking me like I know… or even care since ya didn’t have anything to say other than that.
Many of these… guys don’t bother to put up a picture of themselves; many guys are so far on the DL that if they do have a picture… it’s of their abdomen? Oh, sure, I’m going to backtrack your profile, see a picture of your belly and just lose my ever-loving mind and be suddenly overwhelmed with lust… for your navel?
And just what the fuck is it with dudes taking pictures wearing jock straps? Huh? Maybe it’s just me but I just don’t find anything sexy about an athletic supporter, just like I can’t imagine why a guy would be wearing one when protecting his goods isn’t at hand.
Of those who left a message, I will go read their profile… just in case they happened to write it in English and they might have something to say other than, “If you ain’t a real man don’t bother to hit me up!”
Um, you contacted me, motherfucker; until you did, I didn’t even know you existed.
See, I guess I could understand this un-sexy behavior if I was seeing it with the same guys… but that’s not the case. When I go onto the site, I know the “regulars” when I see them; naw, these are new guys, some very young – like 18-20, but, this “round,” more guys in their 40’s and 50’s. Like, I’m still trying to figure out what’s with this one 20-something kid who, in his profile, says he’s looking for his soul-mate… like I would even want to be bothered with that.
Or the 45 year-old guy who said he’s not into “this” as much as he’d like to be… but he’s interested in what it would be like with a Black guy. Okay, duh, I’m bound to get a few of these and, really, I get it. Now, whether getting jiggy with a Black guy is gonna be the wonderful experience he thinks it might be is something else.
And, as I always do after I check things out for a moment then log off again for the next few months, I wonder about the guys sending me notes, particularly the ones who want to throw down… as long as their woman doesn’t know that they want to throw down. I wonder about the gay guys who are on this site – which is pretty much for booty calls than anything else – and looking for their soul-mate or someone they can be somewhat permanently comfortable with. I roll my eyes at the guys who, for whatever reason, think that saying very little is going to produce a positive result; I feel my ire rise a little at the dudes with the thug mentality who figures they can get a fuck buddy by insulting their manhood and insisting that anyone who might contact them might not be man enough to deal with them. I feel “dismayed” at their sense of urgency – and how pissy some of them get if I deign to inform them that, no, you can’t come over here at 2:30 in the morning – what part of that didn’t you understand?
Don’t get me wrong – guys inhabit such sites because they want something from another guy – either sex, companionship or both and I would suppose that trying to meet men on sites like this is better than hanging around truck stops and adult bookstores or haunting gay bars and hoping to get lucky. But what I think makes me shake my head a lot is that there are guys on these sites who, for some unknown reason, assume that you’re thinking like they are.
For example, they’re looking for someone for some NSA sex – and usually the whole Magilla. Now, if they bothered to really read someone’s profile, then maybe they’d know what they’re into, you know, top, bottom, versatile or oral only; that way, they wouldn’t be dropping a line on someone and asking them for anal sex… and the recipient ain’t even into it. And, of course, when you tell them that you’re not into whatever they’re looking for, well, there has to be something wrong with you, huh?
As I tend to do, I find these… excursions back to this site simply because they are educational, like in how not to ask someone for sex. One interesting thing a guy can learn is why women react the way they do when we ask them for sex; indeed, in the past, I have responded to some dudes by asking, “What, you can’t ask me any better than that?” Shit, with attitudes like that, it’s no wonder they’re on the DL looking for some dick… because they’re so fucked up in the head that their woman – if they got one – doesn’t want to be bothered with them being rude and crude all the damned time!
To any women reading this, if you think men behave badly when trying to get into your panties, it’s even worse when we’re trying to get into each other’s boxers and it’s probably because since we’re dudes, being too blunt and to the point shouldn’t break the deal. There’s some truth to this in that guys will have sex with other guys simply because they don’t have to “go through all that stuff” to convince a woman to give them sex. For us, it’s about scratching that itch in the most expedient and less, ah, labor-intensive way so, again, you see what even I’d call a mindset of, “If we both want the same thing, let’s cut through the bullshit and do this thing!”
What they find – and you can kinda tell this from some of their profiles – is that even men don’t like being treated like a piece of ass or as if their sensibilities, desires, etc., have no bearing on the matter at hand. I know I don’t and it make you get indignant when some clown is demanding you give it up to him and not thinking that stepping to another man incorrectly could get your ass kicked (or worse).
Another few months will go by before I remember – or get reminded – to check on the site again and I’m pretty sure that I’ll continue to see examples of male sexuality – homo or bi – that’s just sad to see. Even in this – and despite it being seen as distasteful by a lot of folks – there’s a certain dignity to be maintained because, no, a lot of us are not going to let you into our boxers just because you think you have the right to be in them; just because some of us are on such sites looking for dick doesn’t mean we want ever dick that hits on us… then some bi guys wonder why we’re seen as being dangerously promiscuous?
On to other things…