I woke up today feeling like nine miles of bad road for some reason so I’ve been in a really toned-down, blah kind of mood and it’s not nice to fuck with me when I’m feeling like shit. Ah, but that’s exactly what something did today!
So… my app for the guy site has been quiet for a while now but right after I dragged myself out of bed and got cleaned up – then had some coffee – I started to clear out stuff that took place on my iPod overnight and, what’s this? Shit, somebody sent me a message… now what?
I access the app because short of deleting it from my iPod, that’s the only way to make that annoying white-on-red number go away and see that I have a message from someone who dropped me a short message quite some time ago. He said hi, so I say hi back… and then he starts sharing his, ah, history with me. Normally, I don’t mind this a whole lot because despite my many years of experience in this, there are still things even I can learn about why men have sex with other men… but not today, nope, not when I feel worst than being rode hard and put away wet.
So, he’s quite proud about being a white guy and getting older Black dudes to suck his dick and, obviously, he’s trying to put a move on me… and I ain’t feeling it, hell no, not today. But that part of my brain that stays stuck in learning mode has now picked up on something rather important or, rather, an omission in his running dialog: He’s one of those dudes who doesn’t have a problem with a guy blowing him… but he ain’t into returning the favor – my least favorite guy on the planet.
But, even with not feeling good, I try to be polite (or as polite as I was going to get) and told him that I ain’t got time for guys who don’t suck dick (and I really don’t in this) and, since I’ve told other guys this from this site, I’m waiting for him to say something along the lines of, “Oh, okay, well thanks anyway!” and leave me alone before I say something I might regret.
But no! The app goes quiet for, oh, about thirty minutes; I’ve poured myself in my favorite chair and trying to stop feeling like shit… then, “Ding!”
He’s back. What, did he not get the hint the last time? Not only is he back but now he’s telling me when and where he’s gotten other men to blow him, what he thought of their performance and other shit that even when I’m feeling 100%, I don’t pay a lot of attention to. I would have summarily ignored him… except it’s taking my mind off of feeling like shit and, well, that works for me… and sucks for him (and not in the way he expected) because, well, just because.
This guy is really a nice guy to talk to – except today and now that I read between the lines and found that he’s not into returning the favor, oh, hell no! I would like to say that I feel bad about lambasting him because he wants others to do unto him but he ain’t even thinking about getting on his knees in return… but I don’t so I kinda stepped off in his ass for a couple of reasons: His non-reciprocation and the fact that he’s fixated on older Black men – guys like me.
To hear him tell it, he makes older men period seem like they’re so needy for this kind of sex that they’ll happily slob his knob and be happy to service him. Even when I’m feeling good, homey don’t play that at all because, hmm, if you’re man enough to stick your cock into another man’s mouth, you should be man enough to return the favor; otherwise, what’s the point? Yeah, yeah, I know, to each his own and all that… but not when I feel like I’m going to yak all over the cat, uh-uh, you got the wrong one at the wrong time.
So I broke out my literary scalpels and started slicing him up, beginning with asking him, “What, do you think older Black men exist just to suck your dick?” Jeez, I haven’t ripped someone a new ass like that in a long time and, yeah, it did make me feel better as I was doing it. I added, “If you don’t suck dick, dude, what fucking good are you?”
He starts tripping all over himself; why he didn’t catch on that I was unhappy with his ass is beyond me because he kept trying to explain his position and, yeah, when I’m feeling good, it is a position I do understand… but not today, buddy boy. I got downright vulgar, too, and to the point that I’m not going to repeat exactly what I said to him but it kinda went along the lines of, “All bringing your lust to me will get you is on your knees and finding out what it’s like to get your tonsils creamed – and by someone with a dick bigger than yours…”
Use your imagination on this one but trust me – it ranked up there as some of the best written ass-ripping I’ve ever done. It was eloquent with the right amounts of vulgarity mixed in, too! I’ve been at this for longer than he’s been alive and I even went through a bit of a phase where I’d blow a guy and didn’t care if he gave back… but that was a lot of years ago and certainly not my mindset about it today.
By the time I got done, I am pretty sure I’m never going to hear from him again – and that’s fine. I normally ‘tolerate’ those who are inflicted with Mandingo Syndrome… but when I’m not feeling well and you’re trying to convince me that I should blow you and then not expect to be blown in return, ooh, that just brings out the worst in me. I ended the conversation (and hopefully, permanently) by telling him that maybe he shouldn’t be asking other men to do something he’s not willing to do himself – and I meant it, too.
I shut down the app and thought that he should be very glad that he wasn’t in the same room with me talking this particular bullshit. I really do appreciate that guys get into this to the best of their ability; I know that sucking dick isn’t something anyone can just do… but this guy? Like I said, any other time, I probably ignore him or say something pithy like, “Oh, that’s nice but not my cup of tea…”
But when you come at me like my particular demographic is a favorite kind of prey for you – and I’m not feeling good – you’re just asking to get your head handed to you – I don’t have a sense of humor about that because it’s not about being white or Black or whatever – it’s about being man enough to talk the talk and walk the walk as well. It’s about not asking another man to do something that you yourself can’t or won’t do – and then thinking it’s okay to do that or to act as if someone won’t come along and shred your ass for being a pussy about it.
What, did he really think and/or believe that if I went down on him, I wasn’t going to expect that favor to be returned? Even feeling bad, um, that’s kinda stupid to assume and more so when I told him, “I like to give AND receive!”
His response to that particular thing sealed his fate. He said, “Well, it’s okay to do it for someone then get someone else to do it for you…”
Really? Are you fucking kidding me? I did say this in response to his response: “What, you ain’t man enough to throw down on a dick like that? You can’t be serious, can you?”
Apparently, he was. To the budding bi guys out there, don’t let my telling about this tirade ruin anything for you, okay? I freely admit that I can be a royal bastard when my buttons get pushed and I’m not feeling good. Likewise, do not ever give in to another man’s desires when it’s clear he doesn’t have yours in mind so when some dude steps to you and wants you to suck his dick – but he ain’t gonna suck yours (even if you don’t want him to), just walk away – just walk away. Dude should, at the least, offer to return the favor and give you the chance to accept or decline depending on what YOU want out of the encounter.
Homeboy just picked the wrong day to fuck with me about this…