“Dumb” Dudes

27 Aug

First, I’m feeling better than I was yesterday; next, anyone uncomfortable with guy on guy sex, you may be excused.

On the heels of my last blog, I got to thinking – again – about this whole sexual thing.  Sure, there are more guys putting themselves out there for this kind of fun; there’s a lot more visibility than ever before – we probably have the Internet to thank for that; but, sometimes, we can be so… dumb about trying to get some dick.

While talking to my baby about last night’s blog, some thoughts formed in my mind, like, how a lot of guys get into this kind of sex because they don’t always want to go through all the motions required for sex with women; indeed, the ‘let’s drop our drawz and do this’ approach is convenient and even expedient in its nature because there’s usually not a lot of bargaining going on.  Having said that, Jeez, some guys – like the one I shredded last night – can be real pussies and even bitches about the whole thing, beginning with the dumb thought that any sex they’re gonna have with a willing dude is going to be on their terms alone.

So, when you have some dude pressing up on you to, say, let him fuck you and you tell him it ain’t gonna happen, ooh, they can get so pissy about it and have been known to question the other guy’s manhood!  I have said here – and probably too many times for the comfort of most people – that getting naked with another man and having sex with him takes balls, plain and simple.  So, telling another guy to man up and take a hard one in the butt only serves to piss the other guy off to no end.

To me, the dynamic has taken a change… and not necessarily for the better.  Again, there are more men getting into this because it really doesn’t have an impact on their manliness.  Once upon a time, two like-minded guys could bump into each other, find they have this in common, take a few moments to go over what is liked and what isn’t and, provided they have somewhere to go, whatever they’ve agreed to do will be done.  Today, I see so much of that “I want what I want and the way I want it” mentality that belies the fact that it does take two to tango, after all.

With my head clear of worrying about barfing all over the place (and having to clean it up), yeah, I know there are guys who get off servicing other men; they live to suck dick and offer up their asses and not really expecting any reciprocation… but that’s not all guys who are into this.  I shamelessly admit that I love sucking dick… just as I shamelessly admit that I also love having my dick sucked so getting with a guy who isn’t afraid to handle that bit of business is okay with me.  Sadly, I think the guy-sex culture has gotten itself in way too deep with this whole ‘top/bottom/versatile’ thing and I’ve often wondered what happens when two tops or two bottoms try to hook up – or if they ever do try.

I suspect that nothing happens because they’re too busy trying to push their own agendas to the front of the line over what the other dude might want to do.  A lot of dumbness comes into this because while I can understand the, ah, excitement of fucking someone in the ass, why would you ask another man to do something that you’re not willing to do – then start a ruckus over it?

There are a lot of pissed off guys out there because they want to engage in what I’d call one-sided sex – and there aren’t that many guys who are going to just go along with that because, um, dude, it just ain’t about you.  And forgetting this is, in my opinion, quite dumb because while you may think that you can pick and choose in this – seeing as how things have really been opening up over the last few years – guess again; your choices are still quite limited and there are lots of guys who ain’t gonna give it up for you without you bringing something other than a hard dick to the room.

They’ve taken something that used to be simple and have complicated it so much… and mostly because they ain’t got what it takes to be on the receiving end themselves; it very much reminds me of those guys who want a woman to blow him – but he ain’t gonna go down on her even if you stuck a gun in his ear and cocked the hammer back… and we pretty much know how that works, huh?

I got to thinking that dudes who don’t reciprocate are just prissy, punk-assed bitches, to be blunt.  I often wonder what they’re afraid of?  Are they protecting their image?  Hah, fellas, if you’re sneaking around and having sex with other men, you can pretty much kiss your image goodbye in the eyes of many.  Are they afraid of being hit with the gay label?  Maybe… but, um, if you’re doing something with “Don,” dude, you’re already having gay sex and there’s just no other way to put it.

While I don’t know every guy’s reason, I have heard some over the years, like the one guy who told me he doesn’t like to get screwed… because it hurts going in.  Or the guy who said he tried to suck another guy’s dick once but couldn’t because every time he got close to the other guy’s cock, he kept throwing up.  One dude actually told me that getting it in the ass wasn’t manly – but boning another brother in the butt was.


Or my personal favorite (and because it actually happened):  Dude was all for fucking and sucking (and I was at the time) but just before he went down on me, he begged me not to cum in his mouth – and I do mean begged me!  I had to laugh – I just couldn’t help it – but, in between peals of laughter, I also had to ask him, “What kind of shit is that?  You want me to do you and let you cum in my mouth… but you ain’t trying to hear doing it for me?”

Needless to say, the deal was off and he went away very angry on top of being horny.  See, where I come from (no pun), things are played even; you wanna do X to me, then Y is going to happen to you as well and more so if you’re so hyped on the joys of being able to – in this case – cum in my mouth.

Ah, maybe it’s just me; perhaps I’m just too old school about this and if this is true, well, with what I’m seeing in the new school of thought about this kind of sex, I’m glad I’m old school about it.  Sex, believe it or not, is still between two people and we’ve seen, even in straight sex, that when things get one-sided, the shit just tends to fall apart at some point and tends to get people asking the question, “When are we gonna do something that I want to do?”

In this, you see that women are quite justified when they refuse to suck their man off – and because he won’t eat her until she cums and is all wet, hot, and dripping with girl juices.  It’s really simple, isn’t it?  You do this for me and I’ll do that for you – does it get any easier?

Apparently not and even more so in the guy sex arena.  It’s dumb to overly complicate this and, in my opinion, it’s really dumb to ask another man for something and you’re not going offer anything in return.


Posted by on 27 August 2012 in Life, Living and Loving


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14 responses to ““Dumb” Dudes

  1. MysteryCoach

    27 August 2012 at 04:03

    Isn’t… and I don’t know “anything” about this personally, however… isn’t a man whose only willing to be the “giver” looking to be in control? I thought I read or heard something one time about it … its some issue in their head. I don’t know (shrugs shoulders) I”m not a guy so… ha!


    • kdaddy23

      27 August 2012 at 13:14

      Well, yeah, there’s the whole top and bottom issue and tops are the ones looking to be in control. And you do know because straight sex is usually about who’s on top (men) and who’s on the bottom (women); dominate and submissive positions, stuff like that. That you see this very same thing/behavior in sex between men (and maybe even women) is something that has always fascinated me.


      • MysteryCoach

        27 August 2012 at 13:33

        Taking turns is more fun 🙂 I never viewed it like that myself. Again, I’m sure some would.


      • kdaddy23

        27 August 2012 at 13:49

        Making sex as equal as possible between partners is fun; that way, everybody gets what they want and need. With men having sex with men, oh boy, the lines are sharply drawn and it’s even rather specific because it not only defines who is in the male-dominant role and who is in the female-submissive role, it clearly defines who is doing the fucking and who is getting fucked. So when you see “top” and “bottom” in reference to men, well, it’s really easy to see the roles being played out – except for those guys who are in the relatively “new” role of being ‘versatile’ which means they don’t mind being on either end of the deal.

        In this ‘world’ there are more tops than bottoms but versatile guys are a minority. The top role is easy for guys to hang onto their masculinity because they’re the ones being sucked and doing the fucking and with little or no reciprocity involved. A few might give token head – just enough for them to say they did it and that’s provided the bottom they’re involved with consents to be sucked – most of them I know would rather not have that done to them.


      • MysteryCoach

        27 August 2012 at 14:16

        More ridiculousness… that’s what I hear. But, there’s an ass for every saddle and some people are into whatever and let who ever get away with it I guess.


      • kdaddy23

        27 August 2012 at 14:34

        Yeah, it all sounds rather ridiculous when held up against the ideal. The whole thing is intellectually fascinating and more so when there are more men into this simply for the sex but they bring their heterosexual behaviors with them as well as that “I want what I want and the way I want it” attitude. I’ve always found this as a ‘polite’ way to say, “I don’t give a fuck what you want – give me what I want, biatch!”

        Are there guys into this kind of sex who would provide sexual service without reciprocity? Yes, there are. Is it ‘right’?” Depends on who you ask because in this sexual arena, it’s all about roles and preferences and it’s just my opinion that this complicates something that should be complicated.


      • MysteryCoach

        27 August 2012 at 14:44

        No one likes doing anything they don’t want to do. Not anyone. Some do it because they don’t know how to speak up and say something, or for a myriad of other reasons we could possibly get into, that’s for sure.

        And some guys, from my perspective, they get down right boring after a while because they don’t put the same effort in that they used to, which takes away from sex as a whole anyway and then they wonder why the woman isn’t satisfied. Not all men mind you, some … that’s equally as annoying.


      • kdaddy23

        27 August 2012 at 15:03

        It is true that some don’t speak up or out in these cases because the perception is they’re not supposed to; or, they feel that if they do speak out against it, then they won’t be able to play their role in whatever sex might be in the offing – like I said, this is such an interesting dynamic!

        It is also true that a lot of men get into this kind of sex because their adventures with women are… troublesome. It takes too much effort to have sex with a woman and satisfy her on a consistent basis but, ah-hah! In theory, throwing down with a dude is supposed to eliminate all the ‘hassles’ of having sex with a woman… until they find out that’s not really the case in this either because even bottom guys demand to be satisfied just as much as a woman wants to be satisfied.

        What I have found over the years is that there are many parallels between straight and gay sex, giving me the clear impression that even if you ‘change sides’, you’re not going to ever escape the overall sexual dynamic.


  2. MysteryCoach

    27 August 2012 at 15:16

    They could go get Gertrude instead of Betsy LOL 🙂 Gertie’ll do ’em in a heart beat! See, that ain’t right. Now, to meeeee… that’s the reason why people cheat. (one of them) no more effort in the bedroom after a particular period of time. Not all men are like that of course. Although I’ve found the vast majority forget all about many enticing things after being together for a while. I know, we could go on for days about this part too. Some women do the same thing.

    Man! Sex is supposed to be fun for both people in whatever way works for them… all this other nonsense is annoying as hell. It “should” be all about pleasing one another and sometimes, depending on the day (and one’s mood, men get moods too) you spoil one or the other and enjoy each other. This dynamic bullshit started some place that I don’t even wanna know about.


    • kdaddy23

      28 August 2012 at 21:48

      Yeah, the lack of sexual fulfillment and even diversity can be a catalyst to cheating. Even in ‘normal’ stuff, it’s never about what can be done together… it’s always about what someone ain’t gonna do for some reason. That and, um, there are only so many things two people can do together; it also doesn’t help that men and women can agree, in principle, about what sex is supposed to be about, how important it is in a relationship and to everyone’s emotional health… but in application? The gap between us is so wide, Mystery…

      See, once upon a time, it was easy for us guys to experience sexual things we couldn’t experience with women, liking getting sucked off and engaging in anal sex as a matter of course. As I compare my experiences with what I’ve observed over all these years, I’m not quite sure what the fuck happened and why it’s now so damned hard to find the kind of man-sex one is looking for – and without pissing others off in the process.


      • redwinenroses

        10 September 2012 at 20:40

        That seems to be our problem. No diversity. Not enough sex period. He wants diversity–of his choosing, of course–and so do I. But the issue is when the two of us cannot agree. I do not mind at all that my guy is Bi, no matter that he says he isn’t, and he ‘says’ he doesn’t mind that about me. But we run into a problem when it’s like you say ‘I want what I want when I want’ but I don’t want you to have what you want when you want. You know me R, you know that I could live poly and be happy with it, or be swingers as long as I get what I need, too. But he can’t so that’s another cup of tea to have to drink or toss….Same as you talk about in this blog, men wanting it to be all one sided.


      • kdaddy23

        10 September 2012 at 23:12

        You know I’ve said that you really, honestly and truly, have to be grown up to be able to dive into the pool of sexual diversity. That being said, when you do dive in, you do so with the knowledge that shit just ain’t about you, even if you’re not in a relationship with anyone because it still takes two to tango if you’re gonna do anything other than masturbate.

        I think sex is best when we take turns ‘being on top’, as you so nicely put it and no matter how you like your sex, this should be the rule rather than the exception because any of this is supposed to be about the pleasure for all involved, not just the one. You’re not going to get your rocks off making demands of other people and then expecting them to bow to your will; you’ll find yourself spending a lot of time masturbating that way.


      • redwinenroses

        19 October 2012 at 16:05

        Right you are, my friend. But, the person who has an attitude toward you outside of sex will have an even bigger attitude within the sexual realm. I had to learn that the hard way!

        Not to sound like I am stereotyping here, as I only speak from my own life experiences, but-Most women are way more willing to give an inch than most men appear to be. Call it insecurity/fear, ego, being raised wrong, chest-thumping or whatever else you want, most men seem to think that swinging/sex is all about what they want or need and do not even begin to take the woman into consideration.

        Being ‘on top’ now and then is a good thing for any type of relationship, whether its swinging, sex between the couple only, work, family ties, etc…It’s just too bad most people don’t see this or live it! It would certainly make life a lot easier and happier.

        Sad thing is that most people are neither ‘grown-up’ nor enlightened enough to live such a lifestyle yet insist on doing so.

        As I said, I speak only from my own 50 years life experiences but what I have seen is that it is the men who usually ask to have this lifestyle then can’t handle it once the woman starts to actually enjoy it. I say that not only from my current relationship but also from a couple of past relationships where the man wanted to be able to have sex with other people and insisted on it but then had fits when I wanted to do so with OTHER MEN.
        Other women were always good and wanted by the man as long as they wanted HIM as well but otherwise even other women were off-limits….This applies to my current relationship as well as past relationships.

        There has always been a major problem when the other woman didn’t want to be with the guy I was with, including my current guy. I won’t give away who we are so from here on out I will call him P…

        Anyhow, I am about to write a blog on this subject, so check my page in a bit and you will see what I have to say about it.


  3. redwinenroses

    10 September 2012 at 20:35

    The same issues happen in swinging…One wants what they want, when they want it but are not willing to give the same in return. I can see why so many cheat. I have never cheated but there have been times that I felt like I was being completely left out whilst having sex with my guy. That just isn’t right. Sometimes the woman has to be the top…and sometimes the Bi guy [even if he claims he isn’t Bi] has to be the bottom if he wants to keep getting his cock sucked by other men….Same an be said of Bi woman. If we are always the top eventually our bottom will walk away.



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