The Man-Sex Dynamic

27 Aug

As always, anyone who gets queasy about this subject should find something else to read; everyone else, listen up!

I mentioned in a recent comment to one of my latest blogs is that there are a lot of parallels between heterosexual sex and homosexual sex and it occurred to me that not a lot of people ever pay attention to this little factoid.  Well, maybe not so little, but perhaps you know what I mean.

We’ve been locked into the boy/girl mode of sex since like forever, until some intrepid (read as horny) folks found that, hey, sexual satisfaction can be had with a member of the same sex!  Of course, such things are frowned upon but doesn’t change the fact that it happens.

So, in straight sex, most of us are aware of the idiosyncrasies involved, from trying to convince a woman to have sex to actually having it with her and then whatever might happen after the fact.  We do, for some reason, seem to think that this changes when boy gets busy with boy or girl gets busy with girl… but it actually doesn’t.  One still has to bargain and persuade someone else for sex and still go through the rest of it and that includes having to deal with preferences, likes, dislikes and, most of all, what is considered to be satisfying.

I happen to know that a lot of guys will get into sex with other guys simply because, on the surface, it’s easier than dealing with a woman for sex – theoretically, that is.  One common reason is getting sucked off; most women aren’t fond of doing this for a guy but, ah, there’s this guy who would be more than happy to do it!  Most women aren’t fond of anal sex… but, hold up, there’s this guy who just lives to get poked in the butt.  In either situation, it’s easy for a guy to ‘do the math’ and say to himself, “Why not give it a try?”

But it doesn’t just happen automatically because guys into this kind of sex are very much aware of what they like and don’t like and are sensitive to their ‘role’ in any encounter.  The stereotype is that dudes who have sex with dudes just do it all to each other… and that’s the furthest thing from the truth because, duh, just like there are women who don’t like certain things, there are men who don’t as well.

Just as one has to negotiate with a woman for sex, so it is when trying to get into a man’s pants – and this is where you can see so many things that are shared with straight sex and, no, the process really isn’t as easy as it appears to be because even men do not ever want to feel or be treated as a piece of ass, literally or figuratively.

Most men, when it comes to sex, have very dominant personalities in that they want to do whatever it is they want to do and, no, not all of us play fair in this – even with straight sex, there’s often not a lot of ‘equality’ going on.  I’ve seen, via my early experiences with this, that it was once rather simple, a matter of asking, “Do you want to?” and then going on from there.  If a guy wanted anal sex but the other dude wasn’t into it for whatever reason, a mutual ‘settlement’ on oral sex was reached and agreed upon – but also with the thought in mind that, in the heat of the moment, the thing that was off the table could, in fact, reappear.

However, I’ve also seen a change in the dynamic in that people are more focused on what they want to do in this than they are thinking about what can be done and, to a great degree, this is understandable because of course, one wants to do only those things they like doing and to hell with anything they don’t like doing.  So, if a guy has been itching for anal sex with a woman but she’s not even inclined to accommodate him, you’d think that being able to accomplish this with a guy who’s into sex with men would be a given…

And you’d be wrong.  Maybe at some time in the past it was – but not today.  If you think women are funny about sex, I’m finding that men are just as funny as their female counterparts.  Not all men into sex with other guys give head or like anal sex and it’s funny that the initial impression is that all guys into this do these things… but the truth is very different and to the point that within the man-sex dynamic, there’s often as much frustration as there is with straight sex in that one guy wants to do X – and the other guy just ain’t trying to hear it.

If you think that being ‘100% gay’ solves this, guess again because even at this side of the scale, there are masculine and feminine gays and, yeah, you can even see these roles where women are concerned and I just find it all horribly interesting that even in this, we just do not ever escape the ‘rules’ that govern straight sex; someone must fill the dominant role and someone must fill the submissive role.  Ideally, these roles are interchangeable… but that’s not always the case.

In man sex, we see the roles as being a top or a bottom; that there are guys who are willing to be both – we call them ‘versatile’ – is kinda/sorta a given; logically, the law of averages say they have to exist in the overall dynamic.  But, mostly, it’s a top looking for a bottom, a dominant looking for a submissive and, as we see in straight sex at times, it’s looking for the most while doing the least to get it or, “I want to do everything to you but I’m not willing to let you do everything to me!”

Does this sound familiar?  It should.

So we see things like the situation that caused me to step off in some guy’s ass; him wanting what he wanted while doing the least himself, that being he wanted me to suck him off – but he wasn’t going to return the favor. Likewise, you see situations where guys want to fuck another guy in the ass – and seriously insists on doing this – while not being keen on taking one in his ass.  This does, in fact, create a lot of drama in a sexual situation where, in theory, it’s not supposed to exist – and that’s just a really dumb way to think.

We tend to look at homosexual sex as being different… and the only real difference is who one chooses for a sexual partner and even why such a choice is being made.  Still, there are some things that you just can’t get away from even if you ‘switch sides’, huh?  You still have to deal with someone’s preferences, their likes, their dislikes and, yeah, even that which they find kinky; you still have to get the other person to consent to having sex and in whatever form that’s going to take.

And when shit doesn’t easily match up, drama ensues just like it does in straight sex because we’re all willing to do some things… and not so willing to do others.  Sometimes, we can be persuaded to give it a shot; most of the time, eh, don’t even bother wasting your breath ’cause I ain’t changing my mind about that!  Just as with straight sex, we let our past experiences dictate our future actions and, uh-huh, just because X was bad with this person, that means it’s always going to be bad with anyone else.

And just like with straight sex, we are often loathe to do something that, in fact, we’ve never done before; we won’t do it because it sounds ‘bad’ or we’ve been told how ‘bad’ it can be, so we don’t get into, say, swallowing when a guy cums or even letting him cum in your mouth because you’ve heard – or you think – that it’s not your cup of tea… even though you’ve never actually had the experience.

Does this sound familiar?  It should.  And, again, if you think this changes because boy wants to get with boy, please rearrange your thinking on this because it doesn’t.  Those of us who are into this kind of sex do have to  deal with another guy’s preferences, likes, dislikes and, yes, even his fears in this, real or imagined.  We do look at our past experiences with other men and then let those experiences dictate what we will or won’t do going forward and, no, not a lot of us ever change our minds about something we didn’t like… even though we know that just because something was bad with this guy doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad with another guy so, just as in straight sex, perception rather than truth is the guiding force and logic cannot make a dent in any of this.

It’s why you often see me riffing about those dudes on the website because it just isn’t all that easy to get a guy to drop his pants for you because we tend to focus more on what we want to do… and fuck what the other guy might want.  Just like women, we do tend to stand up against those guys who want to ‘force’ their agenda upon us; you’re not going to ask me to do something to you that you’re not willing to do in return.  And, damned right, just like women, we want to be satisfied in whatever we’re going to be doing and if it doesn’t happen, well, fuck you!

And, yeah, some of us have the muscle to back our positions up, if necessary and, sure, sometimes, it is necessary because despite our sexuality, we’re still guys.

More later…

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Posted by on 27 August 2012 in Life, Living and Loving


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