I said I’d have some more about the man-sex dynamic and, um, here it is. One thought has been dogging my mind for most of my waking moments, simply, how I am about this. Like any other guy, I know what I like and what I don’t like, just as I know what I will and won’t do. I know not all of these things are encased in granite because, duh, circumstances might call for me to change my mind about something or some things fall into that “it depends” category.
I pondered what it was that makes me different that the guys trying to get into my boxer briefs… and I realized, after a while, that the difference between me and them is that I’m not going to try to get a guy to do something he doesn’t want to do. I realized that when it comes to this, I’m rather simple in my approach: This is what I’m into – what are you into? If our stuff doesn’t match up, to me, okay, fine – no big deal and thanks for discussing it with me. I’m not about to browbeat another guy in this; I’m not going to question his manliness just because we can’t find enough commonality to cause something to happen between us.
What I came to realize is that I do, in fact, respect another man’s preferences and all that… but not all guys one could run into have that same respect. I realized that the Internet, while making it easy for like-minded guys to find each other, also lends itself to quite a large degree of rudeness because, hey, a guy hiding behind his keyboard, monitor, and handle can say pretty much anything he wants to because the chances of him being revealed are slim. So, yeah, a guy can push and shove his agenda at another guy with a high degree of impunity and little fear of retribution coming his way.
And I think that just sucks. The mindset a lot of guys have these days has, to me, taken all of the fun out of having sex in this untraditional way. I’m not a romantic about it but once upon a time, there was an unspoken etiquette in approaching and ‘bargaining’ with another man for sex and, somehow, it’s gotten thrown away in favor of a need for instant gratification.
I think some guys’ need for instant gratification tends to make them illiterate, i.e., if they’re looking for sex online, not only can they not write a decent, understandable profile, they seem to not be able to read one, either; it doesn’t make sense to me to contact a guy and tell him you’re going to fuck his ass good… when his profile says that he’s not into getting fucked… then the poor guy winds up getting his manhood insulted and assaulted because of his choice not to be fucked. I’ve noticed that they are impatient; if you’re not going to drop what you’re doing and make yourself available to them immediately if not sooner, well, you’re a chicken shit asshole for not manning up when demanded to.
It seems to me that some men into this either have forgotten or have never learned the old adage that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar…
I’ve noticed the tendency of guys making the case of what someone can do for them more than what can be done together because it’s like MC said in her comments to a similar post, sex is supposed to be fun and to the benefit of both people involved… and I’d have to say that depended on who you were talking to because there are a lot of men out there who only care about getting their rocks off at someone else’s expense and I just don’t see how that can be fun or a benefit to the guy on the losing end of the bargain.
Shit, with attitudes like that, no wonder a lot of these guys are still looking for sex and not getting any and, really, I think it’s pretty fucked up that a guy can’t get a woman or a man to have sex with him… because he basically (or even purposefully) has a shitty attitude about what it means to have sex with someone and that, no, it’s not just about you.
Rumor has it that women are size queens, i.e., the size of your dick carries more importance than your ability to use it. Ah, but did you know that men are bigger size queens than women are purported to be? I always found it curious, in this Internet age, to be talking to a guy and maybe seeing if we can get together and one of the first things he asks me is how big my dick is, making me glad he can’t see me rolling my eyes and asking my monitor, “Why does that matter?”
You would think it wouldn’t… but it does. Even in this aspect of sex, that whole “bigger is better” mentality is prevalent; if your cock isn’t a certain length and thickness, expect to get punked. There will be no consideration to the facts that, for one, you’re willing to have sex with this person and, two, regardless of the size of one’s cock, um, it does work, thank you very much. The fact that I have had guys apologize to me right off the bat for not having a huge dick says that we spend more time worrying about cock size than women do…
I think we – men who are into this – spend more time worrying about who’s a top and who’s a bottom and maybe not enough time being that versatile dude; then again, as I mentioned before, even though we’re doing something immoral and different, we just can’t seem to escape the natural order that one person has to be dominant (the top or male role) and someone has to be submissive (the bottom or female role).
Methinks there is something very rotten in the state of Denmark…
I suppose the very short version of all of this is that even when it’s man sexing man, we don’t know how to act and continue, even in this, to behave badly. Today, men are discovering – or have discovered – that having sex with another man has little or no impact on their manliness which, believe me, is a major change in the dynamic. And while this is a change that I not only like and agree with but that it’s been a long time coming, there is the downside to it all because a lot of men – especially the bi ones – are bringing the same shitty attitudes they use on women to this men-only arena and that skews the dynamic in a direction that I, for one, don’t find attractive at all.
The dynamic has morphed to the point where, in the past, if you took a dick in your ass, you might be called a faggot and seen as more ‘girly’ than anything else; today, if you took a dick in your ass, you have manned-up and have, in fact, ‘proven’ your manliness by doing so.
What the fuck just happened? Again, I’m not a romantic about this nor am I naive about it… but I almost feel as if I missed something somewhere along the line, like maybe the moment when the dynamic actually changed… and that’s something I need to think about.
Time for me to hit the sack…