Is It Homophobia or Something Else?

05 Sep

One of the things that never, ever, fails to make me want to laugh is being around a bunch of African-American men and watching the look on their faces when the word ‘gay’ is mentioned.  Almost to a man, they will loudly declare their love for pussy and women… and there’s always at least one guy who is making the expected declaration – but you somehow know that there’s no conviction behind the words that are coming out of their mouth.

Black men have gained a great deal of notoriety for being so utterly homophobic… and, uh, that’s not entirely true, is it?  So it kinda makes me wonder that when a Black man makes the usual and expected declaration, is it homophobia or is it something else?

I was reading the blog of someone who added a link to my “Bisexual Cheating” blog.  The blog asked, basically, if a dude suggests an MMF threesome to his lady, does that mean he has homosexual tendencies?  The answer to this question is, “No, not really…” because there are some men who would suggest such a thing to their woman, tell her that he wants her to get a chance to really get her stuff packed – and interacting directly with the other guy isn’t even a consideration.

But I also know shit happens and always when you never expect it to.

So I’m sitting and sipping on my shot of The Glenlivet (the 12-year-old stuff) and listening to these Black men losing their fucking minds and loudly denying that they’d ever have anything to do with such a thing… and I thought, “Is that the truth?”  My thought was that of the five of us sitting there – and not counting myself – three of the remaining four probably knows a little something about getting it on with a guy… because their protests against gay dudes were quite weak and hollow; the look in their eyes suggested that, yeah, they have something to hide regarding this but, hey, if you’re hanging with the boys, you gotta act like you’re one of the boys.

It’s just too fucking funny.  Is it homophobia, as purported… or is it a resistance to the fact that such things do exist and this kind of sex is on the rise?  You can almost – almost – interpret this behavior as one saying, “I love women and pussy!” and this is their primary choice… but they know it’s not their only choice in this.  Still, if one Black guy rises up against, all the other Black men around him must also stand up for their love of pussy… even if it ain’t their only love.

I didn’t join the mass denial; I just smiled and sipped on my Scotch while they all proclaimed that while they didn’t have anything against some dude being gay and all that, well, as long as they didn’t try to hit on them, it was all good.  Again, it’s such a typical reaction; so is guys like this looking around, seeing other men, and openly wondering if this one is gay or if that one is gay.  More typical shit:  Declaring what one would do if some gay dude tried to put a move on them.  Yeah, as I continued to sip on my drink, there was a lot of this, too, and typically violence is the response… but I wondered if this was also a totally homophobic reaction – or is it really something else?

I’ve not quite figured out exactly what that ‘something else’ could be… but I find the whole thing totally hilarious even as I find it disturbing because it’s reactions like this that gives credence to the stereotype that all Black men are vehemently – and violently – homophobic.

I know it’s a lie… so what is the point in perpetrating this particular lie?  Is there even a point to begin with?  I ask this since, duh, there are a lot of gay Black men just as there are loads of bisexual Black men and, no, it’s not all that obvious, given there are gays and bisexuals who give you the impression that they are, in fact, quite straight.

Is this particular stereotype starting to lose its teeth?  If a Black dude jumps up and says, “Oh, hell, no!  I loves me some pussy!” what is he really saying… or what isn’t he saying, which is probably more to the point.  I do enjoy watching guys get so nervous when a gay dude is mentioned – and especially one that everyone knows. Some get a thoroughly disgusted look on their face… while others look kinda nervous – and that’s not because they’re uncomfortable with the subject matter.

And while not every man, regardless of race/color, is going to jump up and say, “Well, yeah, I’ve done it a few times with another dude…” is their vocal denial homophobia… or are they just keeping some shit under wraps they don’t want anyone else to know?  I ask this somewhat rhetorical question because I’ve noticed that in such conversations – and particularly in the one I was listening to – those who were praising pussy were also grabbing their crotches.  They were going on and on about how they get all the pussy they want, holding their crotches and, oh, yeah, avoiding looking another guy in the eye at the same time.

Are they telling the God’s honest truth here and are as homophobic as they say they are… or are they perpetrating a fraud and go through this just to maintain what has become a cultural facade?

I hope to get this one figured out some day…


Posted by on 5 September 2012 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: ,

2 responses to “Is It Homophobia or Something Else?

  1. redwinenroses

    6 September 2012 at 10:29

    I think a lot of it has to do with a man’s own perception of how other men [and women] will perceive him if he let’s it be known that he has Gay or Bisexual tendencies. There are many people, especially men, who see no line between Bisexual and Gay orientations. Many of those same people will see Gay/Bi as being overly submissive, feminine, or soft, and see that as a bad thing in some way. As much as I hate labels, I think that is why so many men, who can for all intents and purposes be labelled as Bisexual, refuse to call themselves that. It’s scary to them. They worry too much about how other people will see them or maybe that someone will put a hate crime on them if it’s known they have sex with other men. I also think that the scenario you described shows that many of the men in the group most likely have at the very least some Bi tendencies or fantasies. The body language says as much, if not more, than the words they used. It always makes me shake my head in wonder when people try to pretend to be someone they are not or to project their fake selves to others out of fear of rejection. It’s kind of stupid really because if a person can’t be honest in who they are it will eventually come back to smack them up side the head when those very people they were trying to fool find out they lied about who they are or what they want and need. But that is for a blog I will write on that very subject…As for the MMF you mentioned, many people will not see that as something for the woman’s pleasure but will automatically think it’s for the men to enjoy each other sexually and that just won’t fly with those who don’t understand. Of course, the order of those 3 letters may have a lot to do with how it’s seen. Example, if it’s listed as MFM then people think it’s two men on one woman and all about her pleasure but when you put the two M’s together people will see it as the two men being the primary pleasure and the woman is secondary to them…


    • kdaddy23

      6 September 2012 at 12:33

      Good to hear from you again! Yeah, I don’t think that the person who wrote the blog on threesomes realized that the order of the letters means something, like, he or she should have used “MFM” instead of “MMF” because, uh-huh, that means a guy is at the center of attention.

      I’ve been around non-Blacks and when either being gay or a known gay dude is mentioned, they might categorically deny that they’d never have sex with another man… but it’s not the same reaction that Black men have – it’s less of a violent reaction, I think. I find it funny to be around any group of men, the topic comes up, all this testosterone-laden denial is being voiced… but there are maybe one or two guys sitting/standing there trying to hide their erections; they’re not as vocal in their denial as the other guys are; some even get a little fidgety. What I’ve found interesting is that ‘true homophobes’ will start quoting the Bible (the old Adam and Steve joke usually shows up) and you can even feel the disgust rolling off them in waves; they will, invariably, tell everyone what should be done with anyone who is homosexual and, nope, some of it ain’t pretty.

      Ah, but the guys who might know a little something about it? They tend to waffle; they will sneak in a few, ah, situational things, like they’d never make a conscious decision to have sex with another dude but if they were high or drunk, well, that’s different. At this point, even the dudes strongly speaking out against this kind of sex might agree with such a condition… but to maintain their manliness, start adding extra stuff, like how they’d make the gay guy suck his dick and how he’d fuck the gay guy in the ass, and maybe even make the gay guy his bitch.

      I just find it amazing and perhaps most of it is all posturing and keeping up the pretense that they’re a man’s man and all that…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Acquiescent Soul

Watching life as it passed by

Justifiable Opinions

We all have them, lets share what we think

Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.


All the things that make me, well "me."


If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

It's getting hot in here...

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Madeline Harper



Random thoughts from a random mind

Equal Anarchy

Equality, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry


Writing about recovery.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

B0Y . LU5T

Coming to terms with being male, atheist, married, over 40, bisexual, kinky and blurring the lines of monogamy while living in a conservative "red state" .


Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual


The Wise Serpent


Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, and lots of sex

The Conquest Files

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

More Is Merrier

Views on consensual non-monogamy

Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Assentively Yours

Ramblings of a depressed mind and other nuances.

Larry Archer's World (

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer


is there a path to a successful open marriage?


The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl


What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception


Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

Roller Coaster Life of a Fat Girl

Highs and Lows of My Weight Loss Journey


when and why size matters


I write when the choice is to die if I don't

%d bloggers like this: