It’s actually been a while since “Top Searches” provided me with something to write about. So, after ignoring it when I first saw it, here’s the search that got my attention: “what does it mean if a straight man has anal sex with another man?”
First thought: “Um, you mean you don’t have an idea what this might mean?”
Second thought: “Of course, it might mean he’s a latent bisexual or even homosexual.”
Third thought: “It might not mean anything. Dude could have been horny and a guy’s ass was the only thing immediately available and, well, I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Of course, there was a time that if this happened, it would be said that the straight dude was really gay all along and is now revealing his true colors. Nowadays, straight men are finding out that they can, in fact, poke another dude in the butt… and all it means is that they poked another guy in the butt. It doesn’t impact their sexuality; it doesn’t impact their sense of being a man; it’s just an interesting and different way of busting a nut, nothing more, nothing less.
It makes me ask a somewhat simple question: Is it supposed to mean anything?
I’ve always found it interesting that a guy will be hyped to fuck a woman in the ass… but ask him if he’d fuck a guy in the ass and see what happens. Same guy wouldn’t hesitate to stick fingers, hands, other objects, into a woman’s butt… but let someone suggest he give that a try himself and see what happens.
Perhaps the question shouldn’t be about what such a thing means; maybe the correct question would be, “Why would a straight man have anal sex with another man?”
There’s only one real answer to the above question: Because he wants to. Today, there are a lot of ‘straight’ guys having all kinds of sex with other men and they will all maintain that they are not gay or bisexual; as far as they’re concerned, even if they just got finished having a 69 with another dude, they are forever straight. The other definitions do not apply to them; what they’re doing and what they think about what they’re doing are two entirely different things… and how they perceive themselves trumps their actions.
Is it a form of denial? A fear of being labeled? I’ve even read that the latest twist in the sexual dynamic is that a straight guy can have any kind of sex with another guy… and all it is, all it means, is it’s just sex. I remember reading this and I thought, “Well, fucking duh! Of course it’s just sex…” But, as I continued to read, I got the impression that this quirk in the dynamic was being ‘constructed’ to remove any of the traditional stigma against such things between men so, no, giving your bro the high hard one in the back door doesn’t mean you’re bisexual or even gay – it’s just two guys having sex.
Now, while my personal thought is that this is really a bunch of bullshit, I do know guys who will have sex with other guys and swear on a stack of bibles that they are and always have been straight. And if you’re reading what I just wrote and either scratching your head or rolling your eyes, well, welcome to the club. Here’s the rub, as explained to me by some fellas I know are into this: Because it’s not their primary means of having sex and because they don’t ‘like guys like that’, that somehow translates into their being very straight… despite what they’ve confessed to doing.
Confused? In a social environment where we’re fond of saying actions speak louder than words, um, well, er, ah, that’s not entirely true, is it? I have heard ‘straight’ guys talk about having their cock sucked by another man… but because they didn’t give the dude any head, they’re still straight. And, yep, some have happily creamed another guy’s ass or have even jerked another man off… but because they don’t think their actions are gay or bisexual in nature, they are straight and always will be. I have even heard guys say that if they’re eating a woman’s pussy – but a guy is going down on them at the same time, well, yeah, the guy eating the pussy still considers himself to be straight… and simply because he’s eating pussy while he’s getting his dome polished.
Amazing, isn’t it? In this, it’s more what you think of yourself than what it is you’re really doing. I realized, a few moments ago, that I have said as much to straight guys who wanted to have their first experience, with me or with some other guy. The labels are what they are and simply because without them, we wouldn’t be able to define our environment and maybe, finally and truly, it doesn’t mean anything other than what it is: Two people having sex of some kind.
And maybe, just maybe, it shouldn’t mean anything other than that. If a straight dude wants to have sex – get some head or even fuck – and he’s run out of, ah, female options, it’s probably not a gigantic leap of logic to figure out that, hmm, this guy wants to suck my dick or wants me to fuck him and, well, either way, I get my rocks off and, hmm, if no one knows I’ve done this, where’s the harm in it?
So if a straight dude has anal sex with another man and, let’s say for the sake of this discussion, he only does it once, does it mean anything other than taking advantage of a presented opportunity? I wouldn’t say he’s gay or bi… unless he keeps doing it. In this, I’m quite old-school in that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. But the current line of thinking suggests that even in this, ah, it might not be a duck… and if a dude says it’s not a duck, well, then, it sure as hell ain’t a duck as far as he’s concerned.
In this, image and perception is everything. As I mentioned, I’ve had straight guys talk to me about this and, invariably, their first question is either, “Does this mean I might be gay?” or “Does this mean there’s something wrong with me?” In this, I have asked, “Do you feel that you might be gay?” or “Do you feel there’s something wrong with you?” Because, the way I learned to understand it, how you feel about this does make a difference. Some straight guys are understandably curious; they just wanna find out what it’s like to do this. Some guys are just horny and out of options and, in their minds, this is the next logical step.
They will ask, “If I do this, will it change me?” My response usually is, “Well, yeah, it will… but it’s up to you to decide how this change affects you… and that depends on whether you only do this once or you decide to do it whenever the opportunity presents itself. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide… but you should know that what others perceive in you about this does carry some weight.”
I have, after giving the straight guy a blowjob, asked him, “Do you feel any different?” They’ve all replied, “Um, no, not really…”
So maybe it really means nothing at the end of the day… except what one thinks it means to them.