I was just reading a good friend’s blog where she wonders how it’s possible for a man to enjoy having sex with both men and women… and categorically deny that he’s bisexual… and she’s not alone in this because I’ve often wondered the exact same thing.
Okay, given societal norms and the male ego, I can understand some resistance to a guy shouting to the mountaintops that he’s bisexual – it’s an image thing. I actually know several men who will deny that they’re bisexual in a flat, skinny second and their reasoning always has me rolling my eyes and shaking my head so much I can her my cervical spine cracking.
They will admit that they’ve either had their cock sucked by a guy or fucked a guy in the ass – and on several occasions – and will still deny that they’re anything but straight… and all because they didn’t return any favors. So, in their minds, if they’re not getting fucked or they’re not sucking dick, they’re not bisexual.
Which, of course, is such an obvious lie that I am surprised that dudes continue to fall back on it to maintain their image of masculinity.
The other thing I’ve heard from some of the guys I know is that because it’s not something they do all the time, they’re not bisexual; they prefer to have sex with women first and foremost and since this is their stated preference, well, they’re straight… right? Okay, okay, I have said here and in a whole lot of other places that if a man has a sexual experience with another man – and only had it once (and regardless of the outcome) – no one on this planet would say that he is bisexual. In fact, no one would really hold this singular incident against him because, as John said in his comment to my last blog, men tend to experiment with such things. So, if you did it – and it doesn’t matter whether you liked it or not – and that’s the only time in the rest of your existence that such a thing happens, nope, you ain’t bisexual.
Ah, but if you do it again, hmm, ya might be bi unless, of course, you have a somewhat scientific mind and decide that you have to do it again to determine whether or not it’s really your cup of tea because, seriously, that first time might not have been very representative, if you follow me. But if you keep doing it when opportunities present themselves – and you’re still happily laying pipe to women in between, well, you’re that duck quacking.
In what I would call a classic case of denial is the guy I know who sucks dick and gets his butt reamed out almost on a regular basis… and he said that he wasn’t bisexual – he’s a sub and is only following his dom’s orders. Yeah, right… sure you are. He denied being bisexual because (a) he didn’t like dudes sucking his dick, (b) he never fucks guys in the ass and, (c) he doesn’t like guys like that. Now, I don’t pretend to understand the whole D/s dynamic… but I do know one thing and that’s you’re not going to get me to do something I do not want to do – period.
Do ya hear ducks quacking? I do as does the other people who know this guy.
Here’s the thing that makes me blink so fast my eyelids get cramped: A guy’s lady has actually watched him get sucked by a guy and, on another occasion, sucked dick… but he’s not bi, never has been, never will be. Now, fellas, I understand keeping such a thing under your hat because it’s not something you’d want a whole lot of people knowing what you’re into. But, um, if your woman has witnessed this – and you’ve confessed that you’ve done it before, um, why keep denying the obvious – and more so if your woman is very okay with this aspect of you?
I get that people have issues with labels and, yup, the bisexual label tends to freak a lot of people out if you’re a guy, makes a lot of people very horny if you’re bi and a girl – but that’s another blog for another time. I’ve said that labels wouldn’t bother people so much if they just looked at them for what they are – just a way for us to define our environment because, without labels, how the fuck would we know what anything was? I think people take too much issue with labels… and perhaps, in this case, guys offer up so much resistance to this label because it is just too close to the truth?
There are those who would argue against accepting the bisexual label simply because they’re not attracted to men. I tend to poo-poo that argument because I know I’m not attracted to men as I am with women… and I’m bisexual. I’ve always found it interesting how attraction gets tossed into formulating the lie because regardless of what a lot of people have to say about it, um, attraction, while nice, isn’t always required – all you need is for the other guy to say yes.
See, I think some dudes get being bisexual confused with being gay and, honestly, the only thing the two orientations share is simply this: The sex is all homosexual sex. Sure, there are bi guys who do have that affinity for men – and that’s fine, nothing wrong with that. Still and again, we tend to judge people by their actions more than what they’ve said: If you’re having sex with men and women, you’re bisexual. People are proving that, no, they ain’t gonna fall in love with the other guy or be walking down the street holding hands or even spending long moments staring into each other’s eyes.
But when the dicks get hard? Oh, it’s on and now it’s all about lust and that drive to get one’s nuts emptied and by any means possible.
It occurs to me that some of you just might be thinking, “Well, that’s easy for you to say – you’re comfortable with your sexuality! Duh!”
And you’d be right – I am quite comfortable with it… and maybe, just maybe, this is the key for those guys who are living the lie when the evidence says otherwise. In this, all I can offer up is for those fellas to find a way to become comfortable with it… because continued denial, in the long run, isn’t a good thing for one’s mental stability. You don’t have to tell everyone on Facebook that you’re bi; hell, you don’t even have to tell the woman you’re living with that you are and more so if confessing will trash the relationship.
But stop lying to yourself about it; in this, it’s not what you think – it’s still what you’re doing and regardless to how or when you’re doing it.
- Is This Man Bisexual? (robertlindsay.wordpress.com)
- Faith Cheltenham: How to Come Out as Bisexual (politicalsocialworker.wordpress.com)