In some circles, the bisexual woman is known as the unicorn; she is rumored to exist but finding her isn’t all that easy to do and, thus, heaps loads of value upon her mythical head. Do bisexual women exist? Of course they do but, oddly, they don’t get as much ‘press’ as bi guys do and that, of course, just adds to their mystique.
While there are so many men who have great angst about being bisexual, it’s safe to assume that there are women who have that same angst or, as I’ve heard said, they’re “strickly dickly” along with “there ain’t a damned thing a woman can do for me!”
I know women who have said these things… and had their minds changed. What keeps the mystique going for me (if for no one else) is how a woman can utter the expected epitaphs, have a same-sex encounter with another woman… and then accept it as if it was never a big deal with them. One woman who got her mind changed told me, when I asked about her thoughts after the fact, that, okay, she was wrong – and that’s all she said.
You’ve seen me write that it’s my belief that women handle bisexuality so much better than men do and if you’ve never actually seen two women make love to each other, well, trust me: You’ve missed something very special and I maintain, to this very day, that this is the most erotic thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing, hands down.
It’s speculation time and, of course, any woman reading this, straight or otherwise, is invited to chime in and shed some light on this mystery. I know bisexual women, some who are ‘out’ about it and some who’d rather keep it quiet. I’ve talked to them, asked them every question I can think of about their preference… and while they’ve provided great feedback, I still find myself wonder just why in the hell women are so much cooler about this than men are.
One ‘common’ theme I was able to detect has to do with intimacy, something women say that men just flat-out suck at. I have heard – and have been told – that while there are guys who are masters at eating pussy, even the most novice girl just does it better. That led me to think that it’s just not about technique and skill… it’s that intimacy that supports the saying that only a woman knows what a woman wants. Hell’s bells, there have been times when I’ve watched women go after each other… and I feel kinda inadequate because I’m watching them do things I’ve taken great pains to learn… and the best I can do doesn’t even come close.
So maybe it’s intimacy and at a level that men cannot ever hope to obtain? Could it be that lust, something we tend to look at as being universal between men and women, is really very different when two women decide to go for the gusto? And, damn it, what is it that makes them so cool, calm, and collected about it?
I have been told that some women turn to bisexuality because, well, us guys just don’t get it right for them. We’re inconsistent, we lack the ability to hold up against their ability to be multi-orgasmic and we don’t do well when it comes to handling their slow rise to arousal. Oh, when it’s time for them to get the high hard one, they’re definitely gonna get theirs… but it still comes back to when that depth of intimacy and familiarity is called for, well, fellas, take a seat over there and we’ll get back to you… maybe.
I asked one bi gal I know to share her thoughts it and, specifically, their use of dildos and other toys. She laughed – and I could tell that her mirth was along the lines of, “You don’t get it, do you?” – and she went on to explain that while there isn’t a toy that can compare to the real thing, well, a dildo doesn’t get soft – ever. A girl wrecking shop in the coochie wearing the infamous strap-on will probably have loads of orgasms… but it’s not like she’s gonna ‘shoot her load’ and be one and done and even if the girl doing the hammering runs out of gas, well, the dildo is still able to provide the required service because, of course, they don’t get tired, either and don’t leave a sticky mess behind.
She said to me, “I don’t know why you guys make such a big deal out of this.”
My response was, “It might be because we don’t like having to compete with another woman for the goodies… and some of us don’t handle being bisexual all that well.”
She rolled her eyes, made that annoying sucking sound with her teeth, and said that if we – men – could make love like a woman can, we wouldn’t have to worry about feeling inadequate.
Ouch. While I was smarting from that observation, I asked her why bisexual women are so nonchalant about it as opposed to how guys are and she shrugged and said, “We just are.”
Does anyone know – and can explain – just why women deal with this better than guys do? Anyone? John said, in a comment to one of my blogs, that while men lead the league in experimenting with this, women are, um, not so adventurous… and, sorry, dude, I’m just not buying into that one because women do experiment with this…we just never (or rarely) hear about the results of their experimentation.
Sure, some bi gals I know have said something that I’ve heard bi guys say. They will admit to loving that slice of the damp but given the choice between pussy and dick, they’d take the dick first. That tells me that, at least on the surface, that some bi women are just as much into that ‘either/or’ mode as guys are… but when asked if someone offered them some pussy would they turn it down, they calmly reply, “No – why would I do that?”
My friends, this… this calmness about their duality is something that has puzzled me for as long as I can remember. Ask a dude if he sucks dick and you might have to defend yourself; ask a woman if she eats pussy and other than looking at you like you just got off the small yellow bus, she just might say – in that very unconcerned manner, “Yeah – what about it?”
Sure, like their male counterparts, there are women who are just ‘terrified’ at the thought of having a same-sex encounter; for them, it’s boy/girl or something that uses batteries or can be plugged into the wall. There are, in fact, men who do not like bisexual women and, well, bi girls have their own version of the DL because while their man is being a total ass about this, that particular itch still needs to be scratched.
I have watched guys struggle internally after having their first experience straddling the line and, sometimes, it’s pretty ugly to watch. Likewise, I have seen women after their first experience… and if they’re struggling over what they just did, well, um, it’s not obvious. Hell, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I just wouldn’t know it was their first experience. Is it that women are so much better than men are when it comes to internalizing and even accepting this?
What is the answer? I keep asking myself this question because there’s a whole lot the bisexual woman can teach bisexual men when it comes to accepting that, well, it is what it is. Then, when you take a peek at the big picture, being a bisexual babe is so easily acceptable where being a bisexual dude still gets kicked in the balls and, oddly, is still less acceptable than being a lesbian or gay. Yeah, I know this is a cultural thing and one our society has been slowing easing into over the years and, hopefully, bi guys will stop being pariahs somewhere down the road.
None of which explains why women are so much better at this bisexual thing than men are. Maybe it’s just something us guys are never meant to know or even understand…