One of Those Moments

24 Sep

I was clearing out the messages I get from Facebook on my iPod when I saw a newsfeed from the acclaimed urban erotica writer, Zane where some chick has been married to a guy she says is wonderful for 2.5 years… and she’s cheated on him, says she will cheat again, and has mysteriously fallen out of love with him.

Zane, in her wisdom, told the woman that she doesn’t feel sorry for the girl – she feels sorry for her husband and, yeah, I can agree with that… but you should have seen some of the comments from women to the woman who wrote to Zane!  A few dudes commented and while they were on-point, um, jeez, a lot of the women suggested that she cut him loose and send him to them, pointing out – and rightfully so – that good men like that are damned hard to find.

One woman said, “Bitch, just kill yourself!”  I thought that was both kinda extreme for Facebook… but funny, too – you just had to see the whole comment to see the humor in this dire comment.  Other women suggested she get with some of these other dudes out there, get her ass all turned-out and abused, and then ask herself if divorcing the good guy was a great idea.

Have any of you read Zane’s books or those of the authors she’s help get into this genre?  Seen her show “The Sex Chronicles” on your local cable network?  Some pretty saucy and outlandish shit, let me tell ya!  She’s become the “Dear Abby” for many Black women (probably others as far as I know) and from what I’ve seen, she gives some pretty good advice that could be seen as her telling women not to act like the characters in the books she writes – be better than that.

The Facebook post had me thinking of how men will totally ass themselves out for a woman; will lie, cheat, steal and even kill each other over her affections… and this clueless hussy is doing this to someone who’s willing to make her his queen?  And women say we have issues?

But y’all know me (or you should by now) – I wanted to know what changed her mind about this wonderful man after only 2.5 years of marriage; how did she go about deciding that she had fallen out of love with him when, by her own admission, he’s done nothing wrong to deserve this?  Needless to say, the writer didn’t exactly disclose the details of this… although she did tell every last one of Zane’s fans that she’s already cheated on the man.

I dunno… I might be more willing to mention the former rather than the latter – but that’s me.

So, at the risk of drawing the ire of women, when they ask the question, “Why can’t I find a good man?” the answer might be, “Because you don’t know one when you see him and probably don’t know how to take care of him…”

Seeing shit like this – and, again, smeared all over Facebook where maybe a million people can see it (Zane has a ton of fans), gets me sounding like Mystery or John and asking the rhetorical question, “Why can’t we just learn to be good to, with, and for each other?”  It puts me in into one of those moments where instead of wondering why men always get the bad rep (rhetorically, of course), it makes me wonder just what some women have rolling around in their heads when they find that good man… and dog him out for some reason.

Back to football…


Posted by on 24 September 2012 in Life, Living and Loving



8 responses to “One of Those Moments

  1. marriagecoach1

    25 September 2012 at 01:32

    Brad,. I suspect a rat. There are some manipulative people out there with way too much time on their hands that say these outlandish things for attention and there is no truth to them. They are professional shit disturbers and love to see all the hateful comments


    • kdaddy23

      25 September 2012 at 12:36

      Perhaps… but there’s nothing to support such a premise since it was written anonymously, which isn’t all that unusual in these things. Such things are not unheard of, are they? People do get married and, at some point, realize that they screwed the pooch even though the person they married is rather wonderful; we’d like to be all storybook and believe that if someone marries a wonderful person that living happily ever after is a given… when it isn’t. I’ve known people who have done something similar and I found it interesting that instead of immediately dissolving the marriage when they realized they screwed up, they cheated and hid the fact that they were and stayed married to Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful – until they found out about the cheating and the shit really hit the fan, that is.

      I’ve always thought that people do dumb shit like this because they were thinking or expecting something that didn’t pan out the way they hoped – but now they’re trapped, hoisted by their own petard, if you will.

      And who’s Brad?


  2. marriagecoach1

    25 September 2012 at 14:53

    Hey Rob
    I wrote that very sleep deprived. He is my girlfriend’s adult son.


    • kdaddy23

      25 September 2012 at 15:15

      I’m thinking we don’t remotely look alike…


  3. Cinnamon

    25 September 2012 at 16:12

    At the risk of pointing out the obvious….she was probably not in love with him to begin with. Yes, yes…I’ve heard of and done the “falling out of love” thing myself. But it wasn’t love. I was either in heavy-duty lust and wrapped it in valentines, or the thing that I loved about them changed, or the way I saw it changed. I’ve also disguised pity, jealousy, and upward mobility as love…only to find out that it wasn’t love. Then, I carried around a shitload of guilt about it. So, who knows? I think love evolves over time. I also think that couples fall in and out of love with each other all the time IF and that’s the biggie….IF they stick with each other through the dry patches. If she’s willing to say that she’s fallen out of love with the guy, and she’s already cheated on him and intends to again…she wasn’t in love from the start, and she definitely doesn’t have a clue about dedication and faithfulness. JMHO


    • kdaddy23

      25 September 2012 at 17:18

      That was my first thought, Cinn; to me, it was like, duh! What had me rolling my eyes is this person asking Zane what they should do… and the stinging comments coming from women about it.


    • travellinginternationally

      10 October 2012 at 00:10

      Love is elusive and very much dependent on how it is defined. Some look for gestures for confirmation of love while others look for words. A lot of time, I feel, love is there but it is missed because each of us has our own definitions. So can you truly love someone or is it an infinity you feel for them?


      • kdaddy23

        10 October 2012 at 00:26

        Well, like you said, each of us has our own definitions. There’s the set we were told early on in our lives; there’s the set you absorb via the experiences of others; then there’s the revised set that comes into existence based on our own experiences… and none of the above are related. What this woman thought was love could have been just an affinity… but I still wanna know what made her decide that she didn’t love him and how that predicated her actions…



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