A new commenter, Non Angry Chocolate Chick, responded to, “When Shit Happens” and she asked what I thought was a good question. For those of you who haven’t seen the comments to this particular blog, this is what she said:
“ I have always believed that if any society forbidden sexual situation presented itself, at the moment, most of us will succumb even when we don’t approve of the behavior. Could this be why some men claim they hate gays? I say, hating gays because they are gay spells fear of one’s own inability to pass on a gay’s passes.“
I thought about this for a moment and, on the surface, there are two reasons why men might hate gays. One is religious belief; the other is some men feel that gays, in particular, offend their sense of manliness. For instance, I don’t hate gays… but those really femme gay dudes have always made my nuts itch. I mean, I used to know a few of the aforementioned guys… and we got along just fine… but even I will admit that there something about a guy behaving like a woman that just rubs me the wrong way.
Now, what I do know is that guys who have had sex with other dudes will, as a matter of course, categorically and emphatically deny that they would ever have sex with another dude in a ‘public’ setting, like, hanging with the fellas. I have seen them do this, just like I’ve bitten my lip to keep from laughing to hear some of these same guys swear to God they’d never do it… but then present, um, hypothetical situations that would allow such a ‘deplorable’ act to happen to them. Certainly, you can tell the guys who truly would never do it, not even if you stuck a gun in their ear and you were putting pressure on the trigger. A dear friend of my liked to toss out that tired-assed “Adam and Steve” thing… but I knew his objections weren’t based on religion – it just offended his manhood.
I know guys who have ‘succumbed’ to the illicit thrill of having sex with another dude. Some have just gotten some head, some have even fucked another dude while a few more have admitted to sucking dick and getting poked in the butt. And, yep, a few of these guys were quite angry about it, too… but more with themselves than the guy who might have persuaded them to get jiggy and that’s rather understandable when you think about the fact that we’re conditioned to be all macho… and macho guys don’t let other guys give them a blow job… and they like it.
But the dynamic has changed. As I’ve said on many occasions, a lot of guys are finding out that they can, in fact, have sex of some kind with another man and still be manly, boisterous, and macho. Most of these guys aren’t going to announce to one and all that they’re doing this and, again, get a bunch of fellas together and the topic comes up, you bet your ass, they’re gonna be doing some serious hating on anyone who’d throw down like this which, of course, means that they’re actually hating on themselves, aren’t they?
Men are some funny creatures. We seem compelled to thump our chests, flood entire areas with testosterone, oozing machismo and toughness from every pore of our bodies, and there are few situations that could come up that we wouldn’t stand tall and face the impossible odds and know that if we weren’t victorious, we would go down hard and not without a fight… because we’re guys. Those of us who aren’t gay all pray at the altar of pussy; whether we eat it or not is another one of those jokes… but we will sure as hell fuck the shit out any and all pussy that comes our way… because we’re guys and that’s how we roll. Shit, even though we’ve learned how to spank our monkeys at an early age, some of us are so, um, macho that we won’t even admit to jerking off because, as one dude I know once said, “Shit, man, what the fuck you think women are for?”… because we’re guys and we must maintain that appearance of ultimate manliness at all times.
Except some of us know for a fact that women ain’t the only people who can be fucked and they sure as hell ain’t the only people who can suck dick. This presents a problem; it really spits in the face of machismo and gives manliness a horrific steel-toed boot to the nuts… or does it? Then there’s perception, which is usual a lot worse than the truth. You walk up to a guy and mention the word “gay” to him and I’m almost pretty sure that the image that pops into his head – and before he verbally responds/reacts – is one of a “fruity” kinda dude who spent more time being raised by his mom and sisters than his daddy, complete with limp wrist and that damned head-bobbing thing that only women can do.
And for a lot of guys, the flamboyant gay man is seen as a direct insult to manliness everywhere… but the bisexual or gay dude who doesn’t display any ‘feminine’ behaviors? Well, that’s beginning to be okay these days – because that’s different. When they’re not sucking dick and getting fucked in the ass, these guys are real stand-up, hardcore men and not someone you’d ever label with “Ms. Thang.” You can, say, play basketball with such a dude and he will lower that shoulder on a drive to the basket and knock your ass off the court in a heartbeat or, in football, will lay a hit on you that’s so hard you’ll get knocked back to your 13th birthday… because they’re men and men play rough and tough.
So if a guy should succumb to the lure of man-on-man sex, if there’s any hatred, where should it be directed? Because unless there’s some rape going on here, um, didn’t both of you agree to do whatever the two of you did… and, yep, shit does happen at times, too.
Again, I know guys who have done this and have been angry with themselves; I know guys who have done this and they are genuinely confused because, of course, that kind of shit ain’t supposed to feel good at all… which doesn’t change the fact that it did. The only time that I know of where a guy succumbed to the lure and then there was some serious animosity going on after the fact happened because the other dude went around running his mouth about what happened and, yeah, kinda understandably, this is something that calls for opening a case of whup-ass on the blabbermouth.
Some of the hating is real, make no mistake about this. Still, I’ve heard a lot of guys say – and this is classic – that if that’s the gay guy’s thing, they don’t have a problem with it as long as they keep that shit to themselves and you can just tell when they mean what they say and it’s not just perpetrating a fraud just so the fellas know that you’re still on the same page with them.
And we know all too well of the violence directed at gay men back in the day, just as we are seeing young people being bullied until they commit suicide because they’re gay so, shit yeah, hating the player and the game is still out there.
I think another source of the ‘anger’ one might feel in this is that thing we have about not wanting to be seen as weak and, yeah, some guys could very well see letting a dude blow them as a sign of weakness – tasting the forbidden fruit and not being able to keep their horniess under control until some pussy can get spanked. I know one guy who, after having sex with another dude – and loving it – said that he saw his participation as a failure. Because, yeah, there was a time that giving in to this particular temptation could be seen as a failure and even a betrayal of manliness.
With the exception of gay men, no other man ever wants to be seen as or referred to as being gay; I have seen some vicious fights break out behind this one. One’s manhood is to always be defended… but guys today, well, we’re not as stupid as certain folks with titties might think we are because we have learned that there’s another way for us to get our rocks off and it doesn’t make us any less of a man. I don’t think a guy who will have that first taste of this kind of sex and then come back for more whenever it’s available doesn’t have any angst over the possibility of wanting to do it again – just don’t suggest that he’s less of a man because he does indulge himself in this manner.
I just had to get this out of my head. I thought Non Angry Chocolate Chick’s comment and question was a good one and worthy of a blog on the subject.