Here’s The Thing

05 Jan

John, in his comments, uttered a truth about threesomes in that in most cases, doing this can be the beginning of the end of one’s relationship.  And while he says he doesn’t know of any relationships that have survived for a long time doing this, well, I happen to know quite a few that survived for double-digit years and are still going strong… but that’s more the exception than the rule.

English: derivative of File:Thumb1.png depicti...

English: derivative of File:Thumb1.png depicting a threesome between two men and one woman. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here’s the thing:  Most people who try to do any form of group sex fail at it which, of course, is why even someone as experienced in this as I am would highly recommend that you just don’t try it; if it’s a fantasy, it might be better off staying under the heading of “Wishful Thinking.”  This isn’t something you can just jump into without a great deal of very deep conversation and even more careful planning, right along with some very serious reconstruction of love, sex, and relationships – you just really have no idea where everyone’s head has to be in order to do this, have fun doing it, and keep your relationship intact.

People fail at this because they just cannot get their heads where they need to be.  Men aren’t the only ones who have great angst about this; women have some very similar misgivings and, for some women, just the idea of having two (or more) guys having a go at her is horribly frightening and, as one woman mentioned to me many years ago, is too much like being raped.

Women, just like men, would be prone to balk at the thought of seeing her man giving another woman the high hard one and more so if he was really enjoying it; it can stir up feelings of inadequacy like you just wouldn’t believe in her and, yep, the whole relationship will probably start circling the drain.  Despite what a lot of men think, not all women are bisexual nor are they even curious about getting busy with another woman; so to try and thrust her into an FMF situation just might get you some paperwork from the court.

Hell, I could spend a few days telling you all of the reasons why you shouldn’t do this; it would, most likely, take me much longer to explain why doing this might be a good thing and even longer to fully explain the particular mindset that both people absolutely, positively has to have to do this and be successful at it.  Suffice it to say that if you’re, say, like John and a staunch believer in the tenets of monogamy, um, stepping out of this box is not going to work for you.

Orgy or group sex scene illustration by Édouar...

Orgy or group sex scene illustration by Édouard-Henri Avril. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is, as it’s been said, just sex.  So, um, most people don’t get what this means, can’t see how just having sex with someone isn’t the same thing as having sex with each other… and it’s not really all that easy to explain except to say that having sex with your partner is for that expression of love and desire for each other… adding one or two (or more) folks to the mix is just recreational sex and the only meaning it has is simply just another way to get your collective rocks off.  For most group sex practitioners, the one thing has nothing to do with the other thing; wanting to participate in a three- or foursome has absolutely nothing to do with their desire to screw their partner because, um, that’s different.

Some say (and I tend to agree) that they’re not only sharing each other with another person (or persons) – they’re sharing the experience together.  But, again, here’s the thing:  You have to be able to look at it like this and, well, many fail at this because they just can’t get there.

Still, if ya can’t do it, there’s no shame in this because this type of sexual activity just ain’t for everyone; it’s not something I’d recommend to anyone who’s not prepared to deal with the consequences of their actions and, yep, there can be some dire consequences.  Many of them can be prevented – stuff like wearing condoms and the like – but of course, like John said, if you do this and fuck it up at any point, kiss your relationship goodbye.

If your relationship isn’t rock solid, don’t try this; if you don’t believe that shit happens, don’t try this.  If you’re possessive, jealous, insecure, immature or a few other things I can’t remember right now, don’t try this – leave it the fuck alone.  If you feel you deserve an FMF but you ain’t keen to give her an MFM, don’t try this because, um, how the fuck are you gonna ask your woman to do something that you don’t have the nerve to do, hmm?

Here’s the thing:  None of this is easy to do.  This is usually the first thing people who are looking to spice up their sex lives toss out there on the table for discussion… and it’s usually a horrific mistake because it’s not as easy as calling up a friend or picking up a stranger and going for what you know; it’s a lot more involved and complicated.

Peter Fendi, 1835

Peter Fendi, 1835 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And anyone who might be thinking about doing this needs to know that it sounds easy… and it’s anything but.


Posted by on 5 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

9 responses to “Here’s The Thing

  1. Cinnamon

    5 January 2013 at 19:23

    100% on the mark Kdaddy. And yet, there will still be those “know it alls” that try it, fuck it up, and wonder what went wrong.


    • kdaddy23

      5 January 2013 at 22:42

      Yeah, ya know? Again, most people just can’t accept that it’s really just sex and, really, it’s just extra sex because is there really such a thing as getting laid too much?

      Yeah, I know, I know – some might say there is…

      But, sadly, as many people find out, the moment they say, “Yeah, we can do this!” they have unknowingly already fucked up…


    • travellinginternationally

      6 January 2013 at 00:38

      Another well written and thought provoking article.

      I believe people who state they do not know anyone who have had a threesome where the relationship survives, are people who never had a threesome and watch too much talk television. Statistically 25% of couples whose relationship has lasted at least ten years have had a least one threesome as a couple. While 25% is definitely less the majority of 50.01%, it about 1.5 – 3 times as high as the general population of 8% – 14% for having threesome and it does imply having a threesome could help a relationship last for the long-term. One of the arguments for this is that humans are not necessarily monogamous and by having a threesome it allows a need to be met under the confines of monogamy. I am not 100% sold on that argument. Instead I feel having a threesome may help improve communication and bring the couple closer together thereby helping to ensure the relationship lasts for the long-term.

      In addition, the above statistic means 75% of long-term couples do not engage in having a threesome. This, I am sure, is due to a large extent of the risks involved and the ability couple to stay together through other means.

      I do not advocate that having a threesome is the solution for every couple who wants to be together for the long-term but for some who are willing to invest the effort, it can be an enjoyable experience that provides them with some benefits.

      Therefore, I do not agree with the naysayers about threesome; however I do caution those who are considering the idea to fully understand the risks to them and be willing to accept them, otherwise they have no business having a threesome.


      • kdaddy23

        6 January 2013 at 02:25

        Thank you, Travelling – I had the benefit of being inspired by your blog!


  2. MysteryCoach

    6 January 2013 at 08:30

    Nicely said. 🙂


  3. DLM

    7 January 2013 at 01:18

    This area is definitely one to steer clear of if in a committed yet shaky relationship. Great post sir!


  4. montrealthreesomes

    7 January 2013 at 12:38

    Nice job with this and thoroughly accurate.


    • kdaddy23

      7 January 2013 at 14:34

      Thank you, Montreal, for your comments and welcome! @Etherealfyre, one of the things I always tell people about this is that it is not for the faint of heart. Some people do make the mistake of thinking that doing this is a way to save a relationship – and that seldom works; instead of saving the relationship – and because they don’t do all the ‘pre-work’ that’s required – they wind up flushing their relationship down the toilet.



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