So… Now What?

07 Jan

You and your partner, after much deliberation and major readjustment of mindset, have decided that, yes, doing a threesome, swinging, whatever, is something that you want and need to do in order to expand your horizons as individuals and as a couple.  You’ve talked about everything there is to talk about, vanquished all negative emotions from your system, and you might even have an idea or two – thanks to the fantasies you’ve shared with each other (and if you didn’t, shame on you) – and the thought of getting naked with other people has, in fact, raised the heat in your bedroom and now you’re ready for the next step:  Finding people to do this with.

Sounds easy… but it isn’t.  Oh, did you think I was going to say that the next step was to actually do some fucking?  Nah, that comes later – and the pun is definitely intended!  No, your next hurdle is finding someone compatible with your interests, people you can (1) feel safe with and (2) you’re sure can deliver the delicious, heady, and forbidden pleasures that can be had when you take monogamy out of the bedroom.

Let me know how that’s working for you because, next to actually doing it, this is really the hard part… and I’m here to tell you a few things about that.  Okay, most people almost instinctively try to select friends or other people they know who might be interested… or may have to seriously be seduced.  Some folks say that picking friends for this is a bad move – it’s too much like shitting where you eat.  So if you can’t do that (and I’m not saying that you can’t), um, what the fuck…?

The good news is that there are a zillion websites that exist for this purpose; the bad news is that there are a zillion websites that exist for this purpose because, Christ almighty, the type of people you are going to run into can change the way you feel about your fellow-man.  You’ve just spent all this time shedding your biases and stuff… and should you join one of these sites, you will see more bias and discrimination than you could ever hope to see in one place.

Those supposedly “like-minded” people you’ll be exposed to are guilty of age discrimination, race discrimination, sexual preference discrimination against bisexual men, and discrimination against single men; there is discrimination where height and weight being in proportion is concerned – they say they’re not looking for “Ken and Barbie” but, yeah, they really are, so if you consider yourself to be a BBW (big beautiful woman) or BBM, um, get ready to get your feelings hurt.  You might encounter quite a few liars and cheaters, too, with the biggest lie being bisexual men listing themselves as straight in their profiles.  People on such sites are some of the biggest hypocrites I, personally, have ever seen in my whole life; the same people who demand honesty and say they despise anyone who lies or cheats to get laid are also the ones telling a few lies themselves – but, um, that’s different as far as they’re concerned.

What you will find out is that people on such sites are so picky about who they lay down with.  Now, you might be wondering, at this point, “Well, what’s wrong with that?”  And all I’m going to tell you is to join a site, get the feel of the place, and then find out exactly what is wrong with that.

Oh, and rule number one (or is it rule number two?) is that if you get rejected – and you will get rejected – don’t take it personally.  You will find that more often than not, if you send notes to people telling them you’re interested, you will be summarily ignored; likewise, if you and your partner have decided that opening a meaningful dialog with someone from the site is a good way to proceed, well, you’re right… except you will run into players that will tell you – and in no uncertain terms – to stop talking and give up your lady for fucking – and the sooner, the better.

Ah, you thought this was going to be easy, huh?

Now, don’t get me wrong – there are some decent people on these sites and it is quite possible you can become quite successful in what we call the lifestyle (or the life, for short).  In some cities, there are actually swinging clubs where “like-minded” people can gather to eat, drink, and fuck themselves silly… and if you think it’s that simple, I beg you to guess again because it is quite possible that you will not only face rejection but also some form of discrimination, too.

Is there a way to avoid this?  I dunno – beats the hell out of me; it seems to me trying to recruit friends and neighbors and other acquaintances for your maiden voyage makes more sense than joining a website or going to a club.  But, this is definitely one of those things where your experiences may vary – I’m just here to tell you that some of them might not be pleasant, that’s all.

And if you really wanna see sexually liberated people not quite at their finest, join a site – then go read what people write in the forums, if the site has them.  I know that I’m of the mind that given what some people write about, um, teenagers know more about getting laid than these supposedly experienced adults.

Now, one of the thing you and your partner are concerned about and have discussed is personal safety, like, let’s make double-damned sure that we don’t catch anything (or bring anything home) and, by and large, a lot of site members agree on “no glove, no love…” for the most part.  On the sites me and my baby belong to, there’s often great discussion about STDs and HIV/AIDS… but guess what they don’t talk about?  Accidental pregnancy.  If you wanna have some fun, log into the site you’ve chosen, go to the forums, and then ask a simple question:  What happens if someone gets knocked up?

Then sit back and watch the bullshit fly.  I did that a few times – and just because I love fucking with people – and it was surprising how many men have had a vasectomy and will, with great aggression, point out that since they’re fixed, they don’t worry about it and, yep, every woman who might respond (and they rarely do) either insist on condoms or have had their tubes tied; I can’t recall if any women said that they trust their birth control pills/shot/device.

Sounds scary, huh?  Maybe you’re looking at your female partner and saying, “You know, babe, all of a sudden, this doesn’t sound like a good thing to do…”

One last thing.  One of the things I have put people on blast for – and I’m not the only one who has done this – is people having that “my way or no way” mentality when it comes to throwing down, like, what they want is more important than what you want so if you don’t do it the way they want to do it, well, step the fuck off, you fake motherfuckers!  Like, we actually had a couple tell us – and me specifically since I’m bisexual – that I could send my baby to them to play with – but I had to stay home.  And then the only reason why we were contacted is because they had a bad case of Mandingo Syndrome…

Are you really sure that you want to have your sensibilities insulted and assaulted in such a manner?  If it sounds like I’m trying to dissuade you from doing anything, well, yeah, I am… but if you’re still determined to do that threesome, foursome, whatever-some, well, you’ve been warned – proceed at your own risk.

I think the best way to be all you can be – and get all you can get – in this is to, somehow, form your own group of happily horny players; that way you can avoid having to fuck around with those elitist motherfuckers on the websites and lord only knows what type of people you might run into at the clubs.  No doubt, this is probably the hardest thing to do… but at least you can be assured that you and your partner will be playing with people who think, feel, and believe just as you do now.

And should you manage to get past this hurdle, then you can deal with whatever’s gonna happen before, during, and after your very first time out the gate – and I hope that you do have fun, grow and, importantly, love each other like never before.


Posted by on 7 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , ,

14 responses to “So… Now What?

  1. totsymae1011

    7 January 2013 at 22:23

    Lordy mercy, KDaddy. Do you think and talk out loud all the time?
    Why are men folk so into 3somes? And I think at friend as a third party is a bad idea too. But then, it seems a little safer in a way than a total stranger. You’re in a rock and hard place either way, it seems.


  2. travellinginternationally

    8 January 2013 at 00:42

    Another great, well-written and insightful article. You brought out some of the realities couples face once they make the decision to go forward with having a threesome.


    • kdaddy23

      8 January 2013 at 01:06

      You’re too kind, Travelling – thank you.


  3. comingcleanaboutgettingdirty

    8 January 2013 at 17:22

    Great post but I will have to disagree. Maybe Hubby and I got hella lucky when we decided to dip our toes into the lifestyle but we really have had great experiences both online and at the club and still do till this day. Our first night we fell into a great group of people who we still remain friends with and party with at hotel and club parties. Yes, there are jerks online looking for superficial nonexistent Ken and Barbie but in the end they never find them. And so what if you send a message and it gets rejected or is unanswered? All you can do is try and put yourself out there. You too will be rejecting other people that contact you. If you’ve come as far as working all the kinks out and talking the subject to death with your partner, dont let meeting others be a deterrent. I say go for it and have fun.


    • kdaddy23

      8 January 2013 at 17:47

      Welcome, Comingclean and, sure, you can disagree; I can admit (and I think I said so) that there are people who do quite well on sites and in the clubs and you and Hubby are clearly such people. The purpose of the writing was to let newbies know what they’ll be facing and, no, I’m not going to sugar coat that. I know that a lot of people wind up abandoning the lifestyle because the things they’ll be subjected to on some sites will completely disillusion them about the decision they made and they quickly become disappointed because, oh, I don’t know, some folks have this thought in their heads that being a swinger means that everyone you may see on a site is supposed to fuck when you want to fuck them or they think being in the life is one big free-for-all fuck fest.

      And it isn’t… and it never was so newbies need to know this going in; better I tell them than they go in cold and get their feelings hurt by people who, for the most part, don’t give a fuck about them as people – but will want to fuck them just the same.

      Can you tell I have issues about this aspect… and despite the fact that we’ve been successful hanging out on some sites?


      • comingcleanaboutgettingdirty

        8 January 2013 at 20:15

        This is true, it isn’t a fuckfest. Well it hasn’t been for us but we also weren’t/aren’t looking for that. Yes, if newbies going into it thinking that they will be sadly disappointed.


  4. redwinenroses

    14 September 2013 at 10:43

    I could, and maybe someday will, write several blogs about the Lifestyle. I loved reading this because it hits on that mentality of being in a total f*ckfest and having one orgy after another. I laughed out loud when I read this. There’s a lot I could add to your post but you already know that, huh? 😛


    • kdaddy23

      14 September 2013 at 12:48

      You know that I know… but yeah, go ahead and write some blogs about being in the life from your perspective – people will find it rather interesting!


    • kdaddy23

      14 September 2013 at 12:48

      You know that I know… but yeah, go ahead and write some blogs about being in the life from your perspective – people will find it rather interesting!


    • kdaddy23

      14 September 2013 at 12:48

      You know that I know… but yeah, go ahead and write some blogs about being in the life from your perspective – people will find it rather interesting!


      • redwinenroses

        30 September 2013 at 19:26

        Interesting or I will pee them off with my views, lol


      • kdaddy23

        30 September 2013 at 19:29

        Better to be pissed off than pissed on unless golden showers is an idea of fun for some folks


  5. redwinenroses

    14 September 2013 at 21:12

    After 3 times, I think I got the point :-P….



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