A Response for Totsymae

08 Jan

This whole blog is like a ‘letter’ to my dear friend and fellow blogger, the talented artist, Totsymae.  Ahem… (clearing my throat here)

Actually, my dear Totsymae, I don’t think or talk out loud all the time; I actually sit and think about what I’m going to write before I even open WordPress and that last thing I wrote?  Thought about it for a couple of days because I wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted to say about it.  Damn it, woman, you just made me give away a trade secret!  Damn!

Now, why are menfolk so into threesomes? That’s kinda easy to answer: It’s the ultimate male fantasy… except that’s not exclusively a male fantasy; I have been told (and know) that women have the same fantasy just like I also know that if you asked a woman, she’d categorically deny that she would ever do something so potentially demeaning, demoralizing, and harmful to her body, delicate soul, and sensibilities.

Yeah, right, I believe you…

It is the ultimate test of one’s sexual prowess, a gauge for the power and capacity and depth of their lust and their love of sex and all things sexual, be ye male or female and, um, more so if you and monogamy aren’t exactly the best of friends or, as it turns out at times, it’s logically the next thing on the list of things to do when you and your partner have done all you can do with each other – and you both find that it ain’t enough and more is needed – but breaking up is not an option.

It is one of the many steps toward “total sexual liberation,” something some folks really don’t care about – but some folks really do.  It defies the odds; it goes against the grain of our societal norms and morals.  It’s unthinkable, hedonistic behavior that some say borders on the abnormal where sex and even sexuality is concerned.  And, really, who among us has never, ever, given a thought or two about walking on the wild side, keeping in mind that thinking and doing are not the same thing?  Likewise, some see the whole ‘group sex’ thing as the ultimate in sexual expression and, yes, many do not.  Some say it is being greedy and such, ah, gluttony isn’t necessary in a relationship because your man or woman should be all that you’ll ever need in this.

Yep, sure… but don’t we all know that this ain’t even the truth?

I would even ask you – and you do not have to answer – how many times have you wanted more from a partner and was frustrated that you couldn’t have it or get it and wound up settling for the same old thing that wasn’t working, settling for no improvements, settling for nothing and, ultimately, breaking up because it was the only option available?  And then having to hook up with someone else and experience similar failures in this?  Or, as a lot of women tend to do, get totally dissatisfied with the whole sex thing and choose celibacy as the only thing to do?  Believe me, I know how that feels… a lot of people know how that feels and I – and they – can tell you that it feels pretty damned shitty and is, in a way, a case in point of another famous saying:  Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Ah, but if you could have your cake and eat it, too, and still have a great life with your partner?

It is something men and women dream about; the point here – now and always – is that not everyone (a) has what it takes to make that dream a reality (if they have this dream) and (b) has very little in the way of clues of how to make it work. So, everyone assumes (a) that it should never be done, (b) it can’t ever be done and (c) it will always fail if you try. And, like it or not, this is not the whole truth and, trust me, my friend, I know this for a stone-cold fact and, obviously, I’m not the only one who knows this.

Now, if you’re one of those staunch, hardcore believers in one man/one woman, this is okay – no, seriously, it really is okay, nothing wrong in this at all and it is the status quo. However, there are those who feel differently about some aspects of this; they want more for themselves and for each other (most of the time anyway) and, yep, if they can have their cake and eat it too, that works for them despite the fact that our morality says you aren’t supposed to handle your relationship and related business like this.

And this, too, isn’t entirely true either – because it has been done, it’s being done as I write this, and it’ll get done in any future you want to imagine… because there is a way to do it and still be a loving and happy couple. My point in my little trilogy on this topic is to basically ‘warn’ people that if they have it in their heads to try this – and keep in mind that I’ve done it successfully too many times for me to even remember – that they should not attempt this unless certain – and very, very demanding – criteria are met and always adhered to – no exceptions, no excuses.

See, I don’t want you or anyone else reading this to get the impression that I’m telling people to run out and potentially ruin their relationship by doing something they aren’t prepared to fully – and I mean fully – understand: I am not. But, again, if they’re considering it, well, I got a few things I can share with them that just might make them change their minds and save their relationship from a fate worst than death… or it just might give them the same insight that, by the way, I had to learn the hard way, to pull it off and make those dreams come true.

Could you find yourself between a rock and a very hard place?  Yep, my point exactly!  In fact, the author of “Threesomes and Variations” ( kinda says the same things I do about this although, admittedly, I think he does it a lot more eloquently than I do and, Totsymae, you know how I am – I’m all in your face with it and straight to the point.  That august author says, in his writings, “If you’re gonna do this, here are the things you have to think about and overcome if you want to be successful at this – and you might not be.”

Oh, my friend, I am so glad you asked the question and, yes, I do value your input so please don’t think I’m busting your ass or anything:  You asked a question, I’m answering it… and I felt like writing.

So I’m doing a couple of things with this latest set of writings:  Telling people why they shouldn’t even try it… but also asking that if you believe you can do it, well, why not?  It is the ultimate test of the strength of a couple’s love for each other as well as the strength of their relationship because, in this, only the very strong can pull this off and it is a test that words alone will not allow anyone to pass; I find this most pointed given that when it comes to relationships, one of the catch phrases that almost everyone I know likes to throw out there is:

Actions speak louder than words; put up or shut up; shit or get off the pot; it’s not what you think, it’s what you do… oh, except when it comes to this.  Indeed, how many men and women have uttered those fateful words:  ‘Prove to me that you love me’ or ‘How much do you love me’?  How many men and women have uttered those equally fateful words, ‘I will do anything to make you happy’ or ask, ‘What are you willing to do for my love’?  And how many men and women have found that (a) they can’t prove their love with words alone and (b) fuck no, they’re not really gonna do anything to ensure and maintain happiness?

Think about that one for a moment, if it pleases you to do so…

But, you’re right if you think this is the biggest fucking mistake a couple can make – because it can be.  It’s been my opinion that porn – that evil, nasty stuff – depicts having a three- or moresome as if it’s a walk in the park – it is not.  You cannot just simply grab someone off the street and bring them to your bedroom for a night of hot, raunchy sex.  That, however, doesn’t mean that people who like to watch porn can’t say to themselves – or to each other, “Man, I’d love to try that some time…”

And here’s are some of the things that make people fail:  Jealousy, immaturity, sexual immaturity (not the same as emotional immaturity) selfishness, self-righteousness, paranoia, obsessiveness, being possessive, newly discovered or revealed sexuality issues, homophobia, and a host of other negative human behaviors that some people are never able to reconcile before trying to do this; I ask you to trust me on this one since these things, and a few more, were things I had to learn to overcome (but I did).

Sure, my friend, a lot of men want this but a lot of men know they’re never gonna get it and the one glaring reason they won’t is that they know that when that woman comes back and says, “Okay, now I wanna do one!” he’s going to lose his fucking mind if she wants an MFM – and sometimes even if she wants to do an MFF because, hey, maybe she has reason to believe that she just might like the taste and feel of a woman.  Oh, hell to the no!  That’s his pussy and he sure as fuck ain’t sharing it with anybody!  Well, maybe, if the other girl is bi – but, hey, it was okay when she shared her dick with another woman, eh?

Sound familiar?  It should… because this is how a lot of people behave where this is concerned… and then people want to know why men and women cheat on each other and, even more, why they fail when they try to do these things?

This is just one reason why they do:  Being totally and completely unfulfilled, disgruntled, dissatisfied, and even disillusioned because they, like so many of us, believed the lie that all we need is just one person in our lives for total sexual satisfaction.

Any wonder why people think about doing this?  Thank you for letting me write this ‘letter’ to you!  Well, you and everyone else who’s able to read it… damn!  Did I just share you with a shitload of other people?  Uh-oh… I think I’m in trouble…

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Posted by on 8 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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