An email from a friend speaks to something rather important about being bisexual: Acceptance. Of course, first, you have to accept that you’re bisexual; this can be a process in and of itself but once you’ve gotten past this, your thoughts will probably turn to, “What would (pick someone you’d tell about this) say about this? What would they think of me?”
Some folks might say that these thoughts aren’t all that important… but they are since thinking along these lines is usually enough to make ‘new’ bisexuals keep very quiet about their duality and there was a time when I wasn’t so vocal about it because, depending on the people around you, it’s better to err on the side of caution and discretion is the better part of valor… or it’s a good way to avoid getting into heated arguments and fights.
Acceptance by others – and the opinions of others – depends on whether you’re a guy or a gal and while bisexuality is more out in the open than ever before, there’s still the perception that being a bi guy isn’t all that cool while being a bi gal is just fine and dandy… which isn’t really the truth in any of this. There’s always the possibility that friends and family aren’t going to accept this; as I’ve said many times, my sexuality has lost me many a friend and all because I choose to be different in a way they, for whatever reason, couldn’t accept.
Over the many years though, I have found and seen that a lot of people really don’t care if you’re bisexual; they adopt a well-known stance: That’s cool as long as you don’t mess with me. Few people are going to think and/or say, “That’s great! I think it’s wonderful that you’ve finally been able to understand yourself in this!” and that’s because, morality issues aside, people generally don’t like stuff that’s different – humans aren’t all that fond of changes from what they consider to be the norm.
You learn how to pick and choose when to reveal this about yourself and, yeah, sometimes, you’ll think that someone would be cool and accepting about this only to find out that they aren’t – it’ll happen and while this can be disappointing and uncomfortable, you just have to accept that this is how they feel so, in a lot of ways, acceptance isn’t as much about them accepting you than it is you accepting their feelings and reactions.
You’ll find, just as I did, that you’ll tend to gravitate toward those folks who don’t have a problem with your sexuality because either they’ve got their heads screwed on right… or they’re bisexual, too. Doesn’t mean you’re gonna get all hot and sweaty with them because I’ve always believed that a large part of being bisexual is being able to share your thoughts and feelings about it with others.
As one of the ‘dreaded’ bi guys, I’ve always felt that being able to talk to others about how I feel (or even what I’ve done) meant more to me than actually doing the deed… not that this isn’t fun, mind you. In a way, being able to do this validates your choice in this because while you know you’re not the only bisexual on the planet, it does feel good to know that you’re not alone in any of this: There are many others just like you.
At some point, you might even get like me and you don’t give a damn who knows you’re bisexual and you might not even care whether they accept you or not. Sounds rude and cold-blooded but you do realize and accept that you’re bisexual – this is the way you are and it really is about you and how this branch of sexuality guides you along the road of life and you don’t see or find any reason not to be the way you are despite what all the stereotypes about being bisexual have to say about it.
It’s not true that we’ll fuck anything that’s moving and above ambient temperature; it’s not true that we have no control over our sexual urges in this; it’s not true that we’re really gay and in total denial about it; it’s not true that all bisexuals are walking disease vectors nor is it true that we’re all careless and even stupid in this regard. These things and a few more aren’t true (1) because they aren’t and (2) made more untrue because not all bisexuals engage in the sex that can be had.
What is true is that when it comes down to doing the nasty we have a choice in the matter; it is true that a lot of bisexuals are still very much straight in that sense because, duh, you’re only bisexual when you have sex with a member of the same sex (MOTSS). A lot of bisexuals will tell you straight-up that given the choice, they’d prefer sex with a MOTOS – member of the opposite sex – but, um, they wouldn’t say no to the other kind of sex.
It is true that we do exist – thanks, scientific community for this enlightening revelation and an even greater truth is that we’re really no different from anyone else… except when it comes to sexual and/or emotional gratification; in this, it’s about accepting the responsibility for your own satisfaction in any of this and not depending on someone else to do it, like, if you’re a girl and you have that craving for a womanly touch, no amount of dick thrown at you is going to scratch that particular itch.
Acceptance is knowing that you can do something about how you feel in this… and also knowing that you don’t have to just because you can. And while you very well may be concerned about how others will view you because of this, it’s still very much about you accepting a lot of things about yourself and your place in this changing worldview where sex and sexuality is concerned.