The Next Thing

22 Mar

I’m taking a break from playing Borderlands 2 – downloading a new game – and cranked up WordPress to check on things… and saw this in the Top Searches:  Male masturbation.

First thought was, “What guy doesn’t know about this?”  Next thought was, “Well, maybe the searcher is a woman who might be wondering why her guy is spending time spanking the monkey?”

Ya know, I really need to not pay attention to the Top Searches thing…

Anyway – and since I did see it – my thoughts drift back to my youth and hearing all the crazy bullshit about growing hair on your palms, going blind, that it’ll make you retarded – just insane shit that came from who knows where.  I recall there was a lot of shame attached to pulling your pud and since it was grown-ups laying this crap on us, a lot of us – myself included – got caught up in a conundrum of sorts:  It’s right there, standing up and begging for attention… but, damn, why am I feeling so bad about this?

Huh… having those thoughts in my head didn’t make me not do it but for a while, shit, there was always that icky feeling afterwards, you know, like you just did something you had no business doing and maybe even wishing that you hadn’t because the guilt over pleasuring yourself was just so overwhelming.  I recall a bunch of us were in our ‘clubhouse’ and whipped out our junk and started going for what we knew; those of us who could bust that nut did (and happily so) but one kid was so upset after getting his shit off that he threw up.

I remember him saying, “It’s no big deal – I always throw up after I do that…”

Guilt can be a real motherfucker, huh?  Of course, you eventually get from under all the imposed stigma; if you’re curious about such things, you even learn that it was once considered a form of mental illness!  You read further and learn some of the sadistic things they used to do trying to cure people from this horrid disease; I know it totally freaked me out they did shit like electroshock therapy to stop young boys from wanking off.

Later, you learn that not only is jerking yourself off a perfectly natural thing to do, it’s actually kinda healthy and, oh, yeah, they took masturbation off the official mental illness list in – get this – 1974 (or thereabout).  Still, try to get a guy to admit that he choked the chicken… then stand back and watch the show as he tries to categorically deny ever touching himself ‘down there’ for any reason.  All it really does is confirm that when it comes to pleasing one’s self in this fashion, we were still quite prudish and puritanical about it; you were not to do it, better not even think about doing it, don’t even admit or confess to doing something that one can almost easily assume that you’re doing anyway.

In my mind, there’s only one real reason to have fun with your junk:  It feels good.  I’ve said in the past that some folks I know actually have ‘reasons’ why they don’t do it, like, that’s what boyfriends/girlfriends are for, the thought here that if you’re actively having sex with someone, masturbating isn’t something you need to do.  I’ve heard of people doing it and, for various reasons, wind up being more frustrated than gratified, making them reluctant to do it at all (even though some still give it a shot).

I say that if you don’t do it, maybe you should and even if you have someone who’s willing to do it for you – there just ain’t nothing like doing it yourself!


Posted by on 22 March 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

6 responses to “The Next Thing

  1. marriagecoach1

    22 March 2013 at 17:02

    I would always prefer to do with my woman and fortunately I have always been with women who would give me as much as I wanted


  2. Mrs Fever

    25 March 2013 at 13:26

    This is fascinating to me.

    I’ve been posting questions for discussion on my blog recently, and you managed to touch on four of them here, with this post of yours. And you are the second man who has discussed the topic of mutual masturbation (mutual, as in ‘at the same time’, not as in ‘helping one another along’) as part of his formative experience. The questions you have (albeit, unwittingly) answered are as follows:

    What is your experience with mutual masturbation? Seriously. I wanna know. 😉

    How would you describe the sex culture of the family/neighborhood/community/region/country in which you grew up?

    How has your family construct and/or the sex culture in which you grew up influenced your sexual choices over time?

    How have your experiences with and/or views about *authority* played a role in your sex life?

    The learned attitudes (shame/guilt) from ‘adults’ (family?), your revulsion at the mental illness label (psychiatrists being some sort of ‘authority’ on the subject). And the fact that you remember your clubhouse experience so clearly (and especially the puky aftermath) tells me that your peer group influenced the sex culture in which you grew up.

    I wonder if you’d like to expound an any/all of those questions further here on your blog? Here are the links to the questions on mine if you want them:


    • kdaddy23

      25 March 2013 at 14:10

      Welcome, Mrs. Fever; it’s a pleasure to have you visit my humble blog! So to answer your questions (and in the order you asked them):

      1. I’ve done it right along side both men and women and have even lent a hand or a few fingers to assist. Personally, I think it’s loads of fun and quite intimate… but people are not only funny about masturbating, they’re equally funny about doing it with and/or in front of someone else, even a trusted partner.

      2. I think the culture wasn’t as much varied as it was… urgent. I was born in the 1950s, grew up through Flower Power and the sexual revolution so I experienced the explosion of sex and sexuality so even in our neck of the woods, which I wouldn’t call mainstream America, everyone was in a rush to do the deed.

      3. My parents were about handling the sex thing in the normal way although at the time, I don’t believe that either of them knew I had already strayed off the path as it were. If anything, the thing that influenced my choices was all of the thing they’d say shouldn’t be done and, being the very curious child I was, I wanted to know why… so I found out.

      4. Authority… well, if meant in the literal sense, I can’t say that I did what I was told; I respected those in authority… I just had reason to believe that they weren’t totally right about the things they were telling me and most of those things were about the problems sex can cause more than anything else. It’s a thing that when those in authority tell you something and what they’re saying runs contrary to what you’ve experienced, well, you learn to take note of it, be mindful that something could go wrong, and then proceed as you see fit, which is pretty much what I did.

      5. I wouldn’t as much say that I was influenced by the peer culture as I would say that quite a few of us guys got on the same page with sex at about the same time. I would even say that experimentation played into this and I figured out, much later in life, that if you get a bunch of horny, hormone-crazed guys together and there’s no pussy to be had, well, I won’t tell if you won’t. Having said that, I can’t say that any of those early events were done sans any guilt because we all knew that boys weren’t supposed to be doing anything with other boys, let alone taking the risk of ‘getting a girl in trouble’; we knew it, were often affected by it – like the guy who’d yak all over the place after the fact – and while some guys couldn’t get past the guilt that was imposed on us and gave it up, not all of us did. Even though we knew it was ‘wrong’ it didn’t change the fact that it was a fun thing to do… and the fact that it was wrong made it very exciting and attractive a thing to do, even when giving a girl the business.

      I will look at the links you provided and write something that addresses whatever questions they contain – how does that sound to you?


      • Mrs Fever

        25 March 2013 at 14:41

        #1 ~ People are, indeed, “funny” about masturbating. And I’m always surprised by men (and, in my experience, it’s always been men who say this) who say that masturbating to/for/with a partner is low on their priority list. As are hand jobs. Perhaps it is the exhibitionist in me, but I find masturbating in front of a partner to be an incredible turn-on, *especially* when accompanied by my partner’s natural responses. (The choking-on-his-words and gasping-for-breath responses are my personal favorites.) There is also something incredibly intimate about mutual masturbation ~ for me, anyway ~ because I know my body well, and in showing my partner how I get off, I am revealing a very vulnerable part of my sexuality. I am demonstrating what turns me on, and I am trusting my partner with that piece of myself. There is also a tease-and-denial (T&D) piece of the mutual masturbation puzzle that really clicks for me. Sort of a ‘You can look, but you can’t touch’ sort of thing.

        #2 ~ My husband was born in 1960, and was the only male child in a sibling set of 7. So the backlash from the “rush out and do it”-ness of the flower-child generation hit him hard. His attitudes about sex and sexuality are very different from my own, because his developmental experiences and formative influences were very different from mine.

        #3 & #4 ~ I believe one of the worst disservices people do their children is having a “Do as I say, not as I do” attitude. It’s been going on for centuries; it will continue to happen for centuries to come. But just because it’s “the way things are done” does not make it right. In my opinion, it is one of the key things that leads to unnecessary shame and guilt where sex and sexuality are concerned.

        #5 ~ You said, “Even though we knew it was ‘wrong’ it didn’t change the fact that it was a fun thing to do… and the fact that it was wrong made it very exciting and attractive a thing to do…” The ‘taboo’ factor is definitely something to explore further. Thank you for bringing that up.

        Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions. I’ll look forward to reading your responses on my blog.


      • kdaddy23

        25 March 2013 at 15:05

        That’s funny because I usually hear women say that masturbation is very low on their list of things to do; guys just flat-out and categorically deny doing it or having a preference for their woman to do it for them. Mutual masturbation is and can be pretty heady and intimate!


  3. marriagecoach1

    26 March 2013 at 13:57

    Rob I have met a lot of women who freely admit to masturbating. BTW the bible does not forbid masturbation no matter what pastors or parents tell you.



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