You were brave and confident enough to confess your duality… and your partner – or maybe even the person you wanted to be your partner – has bailed on you, citing that they can’t have a relationship with you because you’re not straight like they are. The question here, of course, is what does that have to do with anything? And I think part of it is pure selfishness on their part and the expectation that you’re supposed to belong to them mind, body, and soul and without exception; all of your sexual energies are supposed to be directed only at them and not be split by any same-sex nonsense.
And, if you were married to that person, well, there is that “keep only unto yourself” thing that you vowed to do before God and many witnesses that kinda complicates this. I think a lot of unmarried people trying to hook up just apply the rules of a monogamous marriage, holding each other to a physical and emotional standard that, legally, doesn’t apply to them – but that’s another discussion for some other day.
That people react badly to this just never fails to amaze me… then again, I understand that my sexuality really doesn’t have anything to do with how I feel about them or what we might do behind closed doors – but getting them to understand that can be a real bitch.
Perhaps they feel that because you’re bisexual that they have to share you? Well, that’s kinda crazy given that if they wanted to have a relationship with someone who’s the same sex as they are, um, they wouldn’t be talking to you, would they? In fact, while bisexuals do have some attraction for a same-sex individual, we do tend to want to be with someone of the opposite sex more; we might have gay sex when we throw down like that but outside of that, there is that ‘straight’ side of us.
I know when I’ve had the ‘bad’ discussions, trying to point this out is kinda futile because most people do not want to hear that you have a sexual interest that doesn’t have anything to do with them; it’s just as bad (or even worse) than telling them that you’re in love with someone else. And, equally of course, the assumption is that because you feel that way, you intend on doing something about it, which is also somehow equated with some inadequacy on their part when the only thing they’re ‘guilty’ of is not having a cock or a coochie, depending on which person is the bisexual… but that’s not a crime because, duh, we just confessed to liking both, didn’t we?
It’s like they don’t get it. I’ve told you this simply because you need to know and it’s better you find out now rather than later; see, the hitch in this is that people always want you to be totally truthful with them but when you are, hmm, that doesn’t seem to work for them, does it? It takes a lot of effort to get them to understand that just because I am bisexual doesn’t mean that I want or otherwise intend to do anything about it – it’s really FYI because if you’re into me like you say you are, well, this is one of the things you need to know about me and if you think that it’s going to affect our relationship, we need to talk some more because you clearly don’t understand what’s going on here.
Seriously, if I’m not gonna hold it against you because you’re straight, why are you giving me so much grief because I’m not? Like I said, the fact that I’m even having this conversation with you should tell you that I want to be with you and, in my case, the only interest I have in guys is sexual… because I like dick… and you don’t have one, my dear. Doesn’t mean that I absolutely have to have some dick because I’ll drop dead if I don’t; it doesn’t mean I favor a dude over a girl because, duh, I am not gay, which should be kinda obvious because I seriously doubt that a gay man would be trying to get into your panties and I also doubt that you’d let a gay man do that to begin with.
So what does it mean? Nothing, other than this is a part of me; this is about you understanding what makes me tick and, importantly, me not withholding this from you. I could be like a lot of dudes who are out there on the DL and having a field day behind your back and lying my ass off should you suspect what I’ve been doing. I chose to tell you this… and here you are acting like the world is coming to an end; instead of asking what’s wrong with me in this, maybe I should be asking what’s wrong with you that you can’t accept or understand this about me?
It would be a different kettle of fish if I told you this and expressed a desire to do something about it; to that end, I’m actually asking your permission instead of the aforementioned sneaking around behind your back and cheating on you. But, in most cases, that’s not why I told you nor is it why any bisexual would tell their partner – or proposed partner – this tidbit.
I say again and again that just because I like dick, it has no bearing on how I feel about you; it has nothing to do with the lust I feel for you; it doesn’t mean that I’m going to betray whatever trust you have in me – and put our relationship at risk on many levels – just for some dick. And, really, if you think/believe that this is going to get in the way of us being together, how about you explain it to me… because I don’t see that happening.
Hey, Sunny – how’s this sounding so far?
I would tell the other person who objected to my sexuality that instead of thinking about it as a bad thing, they should look at something that might have escaped them, like before I mentioned this, you thought I was the bomb shit (or close enough for government work) and worthy of being by your side and even in bed with you. It should tell you that I’m bold, daring, and adventurous enough to go into the unknown without much in the way of fear; it should tell you that I understand myself. You should strive to see the positives in this instead of the negatives.