Revisiting “Hating the Player and Not the Game”

01 Apr

I spent the weekend rebuilding my laptop – again.  It was running Windows 8 which I have now deemed as the crappiest operating system Microsoft ever invented.  I went back to Windows 7 and even though the way I had to do it was kinda complicated and time-consuming, I’m back up and running; seeing the Windows 7 GUI made me feel like coming home after a bad trip.  But, anyway…

Cranked up WordPress and saw that someone had read the subject piece ( and I got to thinking about how a guy might ‘succumb’ to having sex with a bi or gay guy and then have some ‘misgivings’ about it… so I decided to say a few words on the matter.

There’s the whole guilt thing because something happened that shouldn’t have happened according to our rules of morality, something that is obviously moot if it’s on your mind after the fact.  I’m thinking that some guys feel that it’s bad enough that they were horribly horny and their attempts to get some coochie kept falling by the wayside… but then they wind up being seduced by another guy and maybe said guy is gay.

The sex jumps off in whatever form that happened to be and, after the fact, the guy who caved in is now not liking the fact that he was ‘weak’ enough to be seduced and then sexed.  At first, one might think that some angst toward the gay man is in order since he was obviously out and trolling for sex… but isn’t that what people do who aren’t in a relationship and regardless to their sexuality?  Likewise, it stands to reason that if there are people out there looking to score with someone, there are people who are out there looking to be scored on so who’s at fault here – the person looking to score or the one who let it happen?

I really think that the anger is misdirected; instead of our hypothetical guy getting miffed at our equally hypothetical gay guy for talking his way into his boxers, our guy is really mad with himself because (a) he did get seduced and (b) he enjoyed whatever happened.  Thus, we see the ‘hating the player’ thing because, duh, it’s easier to blame the other guy for what happened than it is to accept the fact that we got caught in what most people would say is a moment of weakness.

Maybe some of this comes about when the predator becomes prey?  I mean, you’re out there looking to get laid, ready to kick whatever game you gotta put out there to make this happen… and instead of being the hunter, you find yourself as the hunted and, um, wait, it’s not supposed to work like that… is it?  You realize the truth of it all which is, yeah, it does work like that and, uh-huh, it worked out fine on you… but maybe not in the way you would have preferred.  So not only do you have to live with the fact that you got played by another guy, you also have to deal with whatever it was you did with him.

That’s enough to make a lot of guys angry, I would say.  Hell, I know the first time a gay guy seduced me, I will admit that I was kinda pissed about it – but I was more pissed with myself because I knew what he was trying to do and he obviously did it well enough that he got what he wanted; well, we both did, actually, but that’s not the point.  No one likes to think of themselves as being easy to fuck; as much as we participate in the pursuit to get laid – and the easier it is, the better we like it – we also don’t like or want it to be too easy; it’s a bit of an oxymoron.  What’s really going on is that if we’re the hunter, we want our prey to just give it up, no muss or fuss… but if we find that we’re the hunted, well, some resistance must be offered up and if the resistance is futile, well, we’ll feel ‘bad’ about having become easy prey… to a guy who has the same mindset that we do and despite his sexual orientation.

So some ranting and raving against the gay guy who participated in the seduction seems to be called for… and it’s not really the gay guy’s fault because, simply, he wouldn’t have been able to do it unless you allowed it to happen, right?  I even know a couple of guys who were really bent out of shape because they got to find out first-hand how a woman feels in this situation… and it didn’t feel good as far as the ego’s concerned.

What’s really happening here?  Are guys who get caught up in this situation pissed because of whatever sex took place… or are they unhappy because in a case of role-reversal, they were the hunted instead of the hunter?  Again, I’ve heard guys say that they weren’t really pissed about the sex as they were the fact that they gave it up so easily; they see it as a weakness or some flaw in their character when, in fact, it’s probably  more of a case of us – guys – being a victim of our built-in drive to have sex and bust that nut and, yeah, sometimes, by any means necessary.  You could say that we get hoisted by our own petard, huh?

I just wanted to say some more about this.  Unless our hypothetical guy actually didn’t like the sex that took place, does it make sense to go on the warpath about it?

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Posted by on 1 April 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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