Hey, Totsymae – I’m at it again!
A few moments ago, I was talking to my baby; I was stroking her hair and after we played into our running joke about her telling my mother that I was messing with her (still), I allowed that, by default, there’s no one else for me to mess with. She laughed and mentioned a guy’s name we both know and I immediately said, “He’s not my type…”
Hence this writing and the topic of discussion is what, if anything, constitutes a guy’s idea of his type of guy? The stereotype for bi guys is that we will go after any dude we can get and, unfortunately, there is some truth to this because when you’re starving for dick, any dude who says yes to your proposal is the right guy. The truth, however, is slightly different because I’ve found that men can be even pickier than women can be when deciding who they want to have sex with.
It got me to thinking about my kind of guy and other than one who’s willing to say yes, well, yeah, he’s got to be the right kinda guy and, thus, is subject to a set of criteria that I’ve refined and developed over my many years of doing the nasty like this. To that end, looks are not important nor is the size of his dick; that he’s healthy – read that as being clean and disease-free – is important, of course, but the main thing that matters other than him being willing to do something is where his head is about such things. With me, it even matters how ‘manly’ the guy is; I don’t really have anything against gay men but I have found that if you behave more like a woman than any woman I know, we’re probably not going to be doing anything other than talking to each other.
Of course, the problem male bisexuals have is finding that guy because it’s not like such a man has a neon sign on him that announces that, yes, he likes dick and would just love to indulge himself with you. Even when you run across a guy, he still has to pass some tests that he’s not aware of taking. I’ve come across many men who are into this like I am and if, say, I’ve run into ten of them, maybe only two of them are good candidates to sleep with and then only one of them might wind up doing it with me… because in this – and for me – attitude is everything.
It’s not about promises being made or broken; it’s not about ability so much as it is about having his head in the right place – and it’s my idea of the right place and not his so much – and what desire, if any, he has for doing this. I’ve learned that with me, if you talk shit about your prowess, you’re outta here; if you think the size of your dick – or mine – is important, see ya later, alligator. But if you’re about the special intimacy having sex like this offers and you’re unpretentious about it, well, we might be able to do a little something.
Which is why you talk about stuff before getting naked; you just don’t strip down for just any guy offering some fun in this, something I know I learned along the way and something budding bisexuals or curious guys should always keep in mind: Just because he’s willing to do it with you doesn’t mean he’s the right man for the job.
I know my attitude plays into this ‘selection process’ as well; I’ve learned, over these many years, that talking to me or treating me like I’m your bitch is not going to turn out well; not only is the sex not gonna happen, you just might wind up getting your ass kicked because the mistake a lot of guys make is thinking that just because we’re gonna have some gay sex, it doesn’t mean that I’m gay or that there’s anything remotely feminine about me (no offense meant to anyone here). Is this me being bitchy about it? Well, yeah, I know it is because if you don’t know that this is a man who’s about to go down on you – and in every sense of the word – yep, we’re gonna have a problem because while I will be trying to suck the color off of your prick, I’m not or ever will be your bitch nor am I gonna treat you like that.
So you come at me with this thuggish, ghetto mentality that’s seen on male pickup sites, you can have a seat on the bench because I have zero tolerance for it; if you’re gonna question my masculinity because I’m not gonna do what you think I should be doing, you’re gonna get ejected from the game.
You just never know if or when you’re gonna run into your kind of guy; it’s not like you can look at men the same way you’d look at a woman because (at least to me) the selection process is different – and it should be; trying to pick a man to have sex in the same way you’d pick a woman for sex ain’t gonna work and if you’ve tried and repeatedly failed, um, that might be why.
Sometimes, yeah, it is enough for the other guy to say yes, not that we lack discipline or can’t show restraint when the urge to do it with another man is upon us; it’s just that the urge can be so powerful that some of us will say to hell with the selection process; he’s got a cock and he said yes so now it’s just a matter of how quickly we can get into this… thus a probably explanation of how that stereotype got started.
Hey, Totsymae… you feeling faint yet? Damn, I should have made sure you were sitting down… but anyway…
How do you know he wasn’t your kind of guy? Well, if you do it and you’re feeling kinda funny about it after the fact, chances are he wasn’t exactly your kind of guy and more so if you ask yourself, “Why did I do that with him?” If you replay things in your mind, you’d probably see what’s making you ask yourself that question and it might not be immediately obvious because a lot of what determines a guy’s ‘rightness’ is subliminal and intangible, things you cannot put into words but you know what they were. So the trick is to be able to figure this out before you wind up doing something you might regret later.
And that’s not as simple as it sounds. A lot of this is still trial and error; it tests one’s ability to judge and make decisions about this and, yeah, even as experienced as I am, you don’t always get it right because there’s what you think about the guy… and then there’s what you find out during and after the fact… and they might not add up to a successful and satisfying experience.
See, Totsymae – that wasn’t so bad, was it?