After the fact is so different. I either feel incredibly good… or really shitty. I’ve learned, over these many years, that the shitty feeling I may feel is just some guilt being laid on me by the resident prude in my head – it likes to remind me of the old admonishments that guys aren’t supposed to be having sex with other guys.
Sometimes, the guy I’m with will make me feel shitty; he might have said or did something during the fact that I’m not happy about (like calling me ‘baby’ or calling me a bitch); I swear, I try not to get ticked off by whatever might come out of his mouth. Sometimes he had the greatest attitude before the fact but not so much during the fact so now and after the fact, I’m wishing I hadn’t met him even as I’m glad to have gotten another chance to suck dick.
I feel… drained because he’s drained me, I’ve gotten myself off, the emotional high is passing, or all of the above. I’m caught in between wanting to do it again and not feeling any need to have a second helping of his manhood. For the moment, I’m sated and wondering if he’s feeling as good as I am; I might even wonder if we’ll ever see each other again or if he was a ‘regular’ when the next time will come up so we can do this again.
I’ll thank the guy for his, ah, participation because I am rather grateful – he could have said no at any point; I’ll ask him how he’s feeling, not in an ego-boosting way but because I’ve seen guys finish doing whatever and then get violently ill or otherwise feel out of sorts; some first-timers can have some bad moments once they fully realized what’s just transpired.
And then there’s the moment when we’ve parted ways; everything’s operating as expected (or close enough for government work) and now I have even more time to relive the whole thing over again, asking myself what I could have done better or differently so that the moments shared could have been better. Or maybe I’m pondering the things that didn’t go so well, like maybe I was too rushed, wasn’t feeling the urgency enough, nitpicking stuff that I know my brain will file away for a later review.
But, for now, I can spend those moments thinking about the fun I just had and how I feel rather ‘proud’ of myself that I can, in fact, have sexual fun like this. My lust, hunger, and desire has been taken care of and now it’s on to other things until the next opportunity to experience this cycle again…