When you’re a bi guy on the prowl for some cock, sheesh, hunting down the right guy who’ll suit your needs is hard enough (no pun intended); you can search for a very long time and it’s frustrating.
What I think is worse is when you find someone, open a good dialog with him, confirm that he’s just what you need, start making plans to let a lot of testosterone permeate the air… and then, inexplicably, he disappears as if he never existed. All methods of contact are met with abject silence.
I don’t know which is worse – getting with a guy who winds up being less than advertised (or more than you’re willing to deal with) or the guy who gets your hopes up and then sends them crashing to the ground to break up in itty-bitty pieces and now you have your dustpan and broom trying to pick them up so you can start all over – maybe.
That there are plenty of men to be found who’d want to have sex with you is a given; if you’re a newbie and have it in your mind that there might not be guys in your area to have fun with, guess again, okay? What isn’t so readily apparent or available is the kind of guy you want taking you to bed – it kinda dispels the myth that bi guys will fuck any guy that comes along – but not entirely and never completely because if you spend enough time looking for Mr. Right to come along, your frustration will finally pile up on you so much that you just might wind up taking the first guy who says he can be there in an hour or so.
He might be what you want… and he might not. And, no matter where this ‘replacement player’ falls category-wise, he’s not gonna replace that guy you spent so much time with, that dude you shared your deepest desires with and, perhaps, that guy you decided to give a part of yourself that the average guy wouldn’t stand a chance of getting.
In my experiences, shit, I’ve had this happen so many times and while it’s something you’d think one would get used to, it’s still fucked up to have the right guy for the right thing just vanish on you in a puff of smoke. I’ve learned not to get bent out of shape about it; in fact, my default behavior in these things is to proceed with the thought in mind that, for some unknown reason, he’s gonna chicken out, get cold feet, his woman won’t let him come out and play, stuff like that.
Still, when he pulls that vanishing act, it’s still a little bothersome; you curse quietly (or loudly) to yourself as your plans crumble into nothingness and you probably say what I’ve said way too many times: Oh, well, it’s his loss…
And it is his loss… but it’s your loss as well, right? You’re not going to get the dick you were looking for and now you have to find a suitable replacement and, damn, that’s gonna take time, time you thought you were going to spend having fun with another dude’s boner. I know it’s pissed me off so much that it’ll put me in a very funky mood for a period of time, which is determined by how much I wanted his cock so the more I wanted it and the more time I put into trying to get it, that equals the amount of time I’m going to be grumpy.
So why did he disappear like that? Unless he comes back and explains himself (rare), you can only speculate. A lot of times, the guy you want to have some kind of sex with is, himself, a newbie, testing the waters; he comes across you, things get to the ‘shit or get off the pot’ point… and he’s afraid to follow through. Sometimes you get that guy who wants to throw down… but he’s married or otherwise attached, his partner has no idea that pussy ain’t the only thing he likes and he can’t arrange things to get your dick without his partner becoming suspicious – the worst-case scenario for him is that his wife/girlfriend finds out that the excuse he gave her to be away from home (to be with you) is totally bogus and now he’s got to cover his ass.
It can make you wish that you had a boyfriend, for lack of a better word – maybe fuck buddy would be more appropriate, huh? You fervently wish that there was this one guy who met your requirements, is pretty much always available, and close enough to make hooking up easy – close to home but not that close so that discretion, if required, is maintained.
I’ve made plans to hook up with my kind of guy, confirm date, place, and time… and then behave as if it’s not gonna jump off. I’ve not, say, gotten to a meeting place and found myself sitting and waiting (and looking stupid) for someone who ain’t gonna show up – and I hope I never do; when I’m going to meet someone, I’ve been ‘lucky’ enough to have them get in touch with me at the last minute to back out; since I expected them to do this, the disappointment level isn’t that high. Oh, to be sure, I’m not happy that now I’m not going to get some dick but, as they say, it is what it is; there’s nothing you can do about it so there’s no point in getting upset about it… but it still sucks.
There are two things that rub a lot of bi guys the wrong way: Not having someone you can talk to about your bisexuality and not being able to find someone to scratch your bisexual itches – and by this I mean that one guy you just know is your kind of guy; like I said, there are a boatload of guys out there looking to do the man thing with anyone that comes along. Some of us, however, are not of a mind to just give it up to the first guy who says, “I can be there in twenty minutes.” It’s not a safety issue so much as it is an issue of wanting to fuck, suck, whatever, with the guy who resonates with you at some level – call it having discerning taste. I could go on the guy site I belong to and within seconds of my signing on, there will be four or five guys hitting me up and wanting to do something right now… and none of them will be my kind of guy.
Ah, man, it can be so frustrating! This kind of vanishing act is bothersome enough to make a lot of bi guys just give up on having sex like this – who would have thought that getting some dick could be this difficult? Like I said, you know that there are so many dudes looking for sex that it’s like shooting fish in a barrel – and that’s fine if, for some reason, you feel that the only thing that’s important is he’s got a clean, working dick and he can accommodate you when you’re ready for it. It’s just that some of us want that guy, the guy who’s a lot like us and, importantly, the guy who is ready, willing, and able to give us the sex we want to have without trying to foist something on us we don’t want to deal with… but he’s the kind of guy who might be compelling enough to make you want to change your mind and maybe do that thing you’d normally not want to do.
I need coffee… this frustrates me just writing about it. I just thought of the absolute worst-case thing (proof that I need more coffee): Finding the perfect guy for you… and he lives on the other side of the country.