G, in her comments to “How Do You Feel?” said, “I love the idea of being bisexual myself, but I have never truly been able to imagine pulling the trigger, picking up a girl, or letting her pick me up. I’ve flirted… I have kissed another girl, but it didn’t make me wet. I am really barely bi-curious (I would kiss and let her go down on me).”
Her words echo some stuff that I’ve heard many times over the years and it’s always made me wonder why someone would want to engage in a form of sex that, for some reason, isn’t going to get them excited about doing it. Okay, I know that a lot of bi-curious people really do have their curiosity piqued about doing this version of the forbidden dance, just like I know a lot of them would just love to take the plunge so they can have their curiosity satisfied… but usually wind up dangling on the edge.
G’s comment makes me ask about her lack of excitement; she also makes me ask if she would go down on another woman after (or while) that woman is chowing down on her – and, no, G, you don’t have to answer these questions.
Maybe it’s just me; if some sex is on the menu, I don’t need a whole lot to get me ready to dive in – because I’m getting ready to have sex so how could I not be excited about that prospect? I’m not into kissing guys but just to think about tasting the rest of him gets things simmering right off the bat. The only reason why I wouldn’t pull the trigger is if I had a reason not to, like the guy didn’t feel right to me.
Why not pull it? What is it that makes a person get to the moment of truth and then… nothing? I’m sure there are a lot of mitigating factors going on here; one woman told me that she very much wanted to eat pussy and find out what it’s like being in another woman’s embrace… but she didn’t take the plunge because she was worried about people thinking she’s a lesbian. One guy told me that he had his mouth just scant centimeters from some guy’s boner and he just couldn’t do it; that, in itself, didn’t bother him as much as not knowing why he couldn’t do something he’s always wanted to do.
I have a theory about some of this, beginning with the angst around anything remotely emotional with this, like, guys who say they don’t like guys like that, being worried about love or some other deep emotion that has nothing to do with lust. To be rather blunt, this side of bisexuality just scares the shit out of people; they shudder to think that someone who’s the same sex as they are can actually turn them on in some way and, like G said, I’ve seen quite a few of these people start waffling and say that while they might not be able to eat that pussy or suck that dick, if it was being done to them, well, okay – might be able to arrange that one.
I think that the taboo about this, one we’re all taught to avoid at all costs, can fuck with someone’s head. Is this why G (since I’m kinda picking on her in a good way) could be necking with another girl all hot and heavy… but it’s not flipping her switch to the “on” position? And if she believes that such a thing wouldn’t turn her on, why would she do it or, even better, why would she even want to do it?
I mean, how does this happen? I know what people have told me; I know what I’ve seen with my own two eyes as well. I can understand how someone can be right on the edge, ready to take the plunge, and then take a step back away from the edge because if this is the first time you are going to be eating pussy or sucking dick, it’s pretty fucking scary, to be honest. But, prior to this, why wouldn’t someone be excited?
Could it be that a same-sex experience has somehow migrated from an emotional thing to do – lust – to an intellectual exercise? Logically it makes sense to kiss a girl (or a guy lip-locking another guy) or to have oral sex with them in some way but there’s a disconnect taking place that doesn’t allow them to be revved up and ready to throw down before the fact?
Despite what I’ve learned over the years, I’ve never been able to figure this one out. Once upon a time, I tried to step into someone’s shoes about this, you know, to try to look at it from their point of view and, sadly, I failed miserably because just thinking about sucking dick wouldn’t stop making my blood start to simmer – I lacked the necessary objectivity.
So today’s questions, for anyone who cares to provide their take on them is, “Why haven’t you been able to pull the trigger and why aren’t you aroused?”
Time to watch “BBQ Pitmasters…”