I’ve had newbie guys ask me this and I wind up answering their question with a question: What do you want to do?
Of course, the perception is that we do everything – the truth is that we don’t but you know how that goes. The guy who hasn’t taken the plunge does have to give some thought about what sex he would want to engage in and, yep, there are choices. Just because you can run all the possibilities in your head doesn’t mean you have to do them; what you ‘should’ do ain’t the same as what you are capable or even ready to do.
I’ve had newbies ask me, “Well, if we do this, are you gonna want to fuck me?” A good question since, again, everyone seems to think that we all do this. Answering this question (for me) is usually a no – but I’d also ask if it was something they think they’d like; for them, it might be a hard question to answer since they’ve never even had a finger in their ass. One newbie was rather ‘bold’ and said to me, “I hope you don’t expect me to fuck you!”
Um, no, thanks, I’m good. Some guys ask if they should swallow or spit or even let the sperm hit their mouth and, of course, the answer is, “Not if you don’t want to.” And, unless something has changed, it’s considered polite to warn the guy that you’re about to lose it.
Even if they’re not talking about having sex with me, my advice to a first-timer is to do whatever they’re gonna feel comfortable with; I mean, there’s just no way to know how you’re gonna react to something until it actually happens since the only references you may have are the experiences of others or too much time watching gay porn. You can read the ‘technical’ stuff about this – and that’s fine… but it is up to the newbie to figure out what it is they’re gonna like.
I couldn’t even say that doing it all is the greatest thing since sliced bread; man, would I be lying like a rug if I did! If asked – or when I’ve been asked – I really suggest baby steps, beginning with being comfortable getting naked with another man and working your way up to feeling him busting a nut in your ass. I know quite a few guys who have just dived in and went for the max… and regretted it.
I have spent a few moments with a newbie – we’re naked and sitting on the bed (or wherever) – and have found myself patiently waiting and talking to him about what he wants to do; to me, anything else doesn’t make sense because if you push his boundaries too hard and fast, that could really fuck with his head and make his first experience a bad one. I’ve had those moments begin with just touching each other and while you might think it’s a pain in the ass to do this, no, it really isn’t since I’m the experienced one and he isn’t and even when he’s said, “Do whatever you gotta do!” taking is slow is warranted – let him set the pace and the action so he can learn what it is he wants to do.
I’ve had guys tell me right up front, “I don’t think I can suck your dick.” Okay, perhaps a little disappointing but not really a deal-breaker because if you don’t think you can do it, don’t – how easy is that? I guess it’s just me but if this is your very first time, I don’t really expect you to do a whole lot so if you do it, fine; if you can’t, that’s fine, too. That I’ve had guys tell me this and turn around and suck me is a different thing because they’ve figured out that they can do it.
A win/win situation… but one where he allowed himself to decide.
To all the newbie bi guys out there, I say to you all that for your first time, do whatever you feel comfortable with, those things you believe that you can do – but to avoid doing something that he might want you to do that you aren’t ready for – a lot of new guys make this mistake. You don’t have to be fucked or even fuck the guy; you don’t have to suck him off or even let his cock pass your lips; none of this stuff is mandatory even though it’s assumed that it is. I’ll put it like this: If you’re about to get with a woman and she’s telling you or you already know what she’ll do or won’t do – and you know better than to push her – when it comes to your first time with a man, there’s really no difference – you decide what goes on and what doesn’t happen. Now, if you make it through your first time and you want to step things up, this is your choice as well.