An Interesting Double Standard

27 Jun

So that last blog reminded me of another double standard, where one person in a couple is bisexual and is cool with being like this… but their partner, if also bisexual, is frowned on.  As a matter of fact, it reminded me of conversations I’ve had with bisexual women who weren’t all that keen about the fact that I’m bisexual.

Of course, it begs the very important question of, “Why is it okay for you to be bisexual… but it’s not okay for me?”

Some years ago, I was in a mixed company situation where one woman, who was openly bisexual, was expounding on her choice; her fiance, who was sitting next to her, rolled his eyes – I’m thinking it was because he’s heard this a lot – jumped in and said, “Oh, sure… but if I told you I wanted to find out what it would be like to get with another dude, that wouldn’t be cool with you, huh?”

She looked at him with eyes bigger than a dinner plate, cocked her head to one side and said, “Oh, hell no!  That’s some nasty-assed shit and you’d better not even think about it, you hear me?”

I was stunned; as a matter of fact, I sat back in my chair as if I had gotten slapped at such a hypocritical statement; she obviously felt that what was good for the gander sure as hell wasn’t good for the goose and the question flew from my lips faster than it formed in my head:


She said, “Huh?”

“Why is it okay for you be to bi and doing whatever you do… but it’s not okay for him to give it a shot?”

Her answer went along the lines of, “Because I said so!” and the conversation really got interesting after that.  Being the hyper-curious guy I am, I started giving some serious thought about this one, trying to suss out this double standard.  I know, from the rest of the conversation, that this woman felt that if her man wanted to have his dick sucked by another guy, well, he must be gay or something – how does someone who loves having a woman eat her pussy come to this conclusion and it not apply to her as well?

Huh?  How does this happen?  Over the intervening years, it came to me that there’s another, more prevalent double standard in that if a woman is bisexual, that’s great and is not an indication that she is, in fact, a lesbian; but if a guy’s like this, well, that’s not so great and he’s gay and seriously and obviously in denial about it.

Doesn’t make sense, does it?  Yet, there are people who believe that it does and, honestly, I don’t pretend to understand it.  I continued to study this one, looking at the higher-level double standard society has easily accepted, that being that two women getting it on is so damned sexy they need to coin a new word or phrase for it.  There are a lot of bisexual women – and other people in general – who do say that just the thought of two guys getting jiggy is about as unappetizing as it gets – it’s not sexy-looking and isn’t even close to being erotic – it’s just nasty.

I wondered if it’s seen as such because some men do, as a matter of course, engage in anal sex… but I kinda discounted that one because, um, there are plenty of women who engage in anal sex and even with another woman (with the help of the appropriate appliances, of course) so what, if anything, is the difference?  Why is it okay for her to be bisexual but if her man – or any man, for that matter – is, um, well… that’s just nasty?

Is it because we, on the whole, accept that two girls doing the deed is just a matter of girls being girls?  Is the ancient taboo about guys doing it to each other responsible for the existence of this double standard?

Since I have a broad collection of porn, I actually sat down and, with great clinical detachment, watched one flick with girls getting busy and then another featuring guys and gauged my own reactions.  Yep, without a doubt, watching the girls doing it was just so fucking hot I needed a cold shower; it just resonated somewhere in my head even though I was very much aware that I was watching actresses act and that what I was watching is deliberately exaggerated.  When I got to the flick with the fellas, well, this one was a little harder when it came to be impartial in my views because they weren’t doing anything I hadn’t done myself.  I had to make myself take a big step back and divorce myself of my own experiences and just look at it for what it was – two men doing what they could do.

Trust me, it was very hard for me to do this but even I realized that, in my head, watching two guys kissing had me thinking, “Yuck…” and I even kicked myself in the ass for even feeling that way seeing as how I have kissed men and liked it.  I can’t see or watch two guys kissing without that thought popping into my head but, other than that, everything else those guys did on the screen was, in fact, erotic; I realized that in order for someone to see this, they’d have to be able to see the raw beauty of two people engaged in sex.

And a lot of people can; it’s the act being viewed (or done) more than the people involved IF you can take that big step back and just see it for what it is.

Like I said, I don’t pretend to understand it.  In my personal life – and as I’ve mentioned a few times before – it has always baffled me how a woman can love to have her pussy eaten by another woman – but think that my love of sucking dick means there’s something wrong with me.

Now, I know why there are bi guys who would think it’s uncool for their woman to be bi – that one’s all about him not wanting to share that pussy with anyone – but it’s still a double standard, ain’t it, and one that makes less sense.  A guy I knew who made no bones about dicking other guys once said that if he found out that his woman was eating pussy, he’d fuck her up – get this – for cheating on him.

Again, why is it okay for him to essentially cheat on her to get some dick… but if she gets some pussy, she’s now a cheating, low-life biatch?  And I really don’t know, other than to point at the fact that what we say about such things and what we believe/think ain’t even close to being on the same page.  It smacks of an insular selfishness, doesn’t it, that one person firmly believes that they have the right to have this pleasure whenever it pleases them… but for the other person?  Nah, better not happen or there will be hell to pay.

Why, why, why?  What is it about this particular situation that takes its obvious logic – what’s good for the goose being good for the gander – and makes it untrue?

As I close, remember the woman and her man I mentioned in the beginning of this?  I happen to know that because of this conversation, the guy went out and had sex with another guy (no, it wasn’t me); he told me that he didn’t do it to spite his woman but he honestly wanted to find out what it was like so that he could understand why she loved it so much.  The end result is that they broke up for a couple of months before getting back together; I guessed that she finally understood that the double standard she held onto so dearly, in the end, didn’t make a lot of sense…

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Posted by on 27 June 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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