Instant Gratification

22 Jul

It’s a new week, the heat wave that plagued us last week is over but that doesn’t seem to make my brain any difference; that or the coffee’s doing it’s job and reviving extra brain cells.  I spent most of my weekend reading blogs, commenting here or there, and not doing much writing; I guess that after last week’s heat-inspired babbling, the old noodle needed the weekend off.

Today’s brain fart somehow came to mind as I recalled some of the blogs I read, jump-started by the thought that a lot of us have grown up hearing the saying, “Good things come to those who wait” but in a lot of things that we do nowadays, instant gratification is the thing we seemed to seek the most or, “Patience my ass!  I want to (add something here) something now!”

A dear friend of mine introduced me to the phrase a lot of years ago as we talked about love, duty, sex, and just getting from one day to the next.  While she emphatically admitted that she was in her marriage for the long haul, when it came to being happy, sooner worked better than later; instant gratification, according to her, became important because, as she also said in the same sentence, “The moment of absolute certainty never arrives…”

It took me almost a week to figure out what that meant and what it had to do with instant gratification.

I saw a comment to Lovergirl’s blog about her Symbian adventure and thought, man, shit must be pretty bad when women have to really step up their pursuit of sexual pleasure by including things you need to plug in and/or power tools.  Indeed, there are a lot of things we do in our ongoing quest to chase orgasms that fit nicely into instant gratification; patience may be a virtue but it’s hardly going to make you cum when you want or need to.  The thought went a little deeper; my coffee-happy brain pointed out to me that a lot of people “become” bisexual, heteroflexible, whatever, not because it’s at the core of who they are but because we want more pleasure and stimulation and while one can be patient and wait for their partner to provide it, well, damn, if I can go get it now and by doing this, why the fuck not?

I’m not sure if it can be called a trend or if it’s a shift in the paradigm, but some folks are at least looking at being non-monogamous while some have stuck a foot into the deep end to test the waters and while others have jumped in, hoping to sink or swim.  This need for instant gratification can either inspire us to head onto the road less taken or ‘force’ us to make decisions that we may or may not regret during the long haul… or the really short trip if you happen to fuck it all up.  We want the love and/or the sex now and not when someone gets around to deciding whether or not to give it to us now – this plays into delayed gratification, by the way, the thought here being the longer you have to wait for something, the better it’ll be when you finally get it.

One phrase in particular could be very much responsible for our quest for instant gratification:  “Life is too short;” its companion phrase is, “You only live once.”  Another is, “Tomorrow isn’t promised to you;” another still is, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”  Wise words, words that were probably geared to get us off of our collective asses and get some shit done and, as another saying goes, “Fortune favors the bold…” or something like that; there are loads of other phrases and sayings but they all can be related to instant gratification – if you don’t get it now, you might not ever get it.

I guess the best phrase that makes instant gratification a thing to pursue is, “Opportunity only knocks once.”  Well, yeah, but opportunity has been known to circle back and knock again, right?  We are urged to live for the moment and even to live in the moment, a couple of things that aren’t well suited to being patient and waiting for gratification to arrive.  We’re told that if we want something badly enough, we should be willing to wait for it… but at some point, a lot of us decided that if we want it badly enough, it might be better to go get it now and if there’s some risk involved – and there usually is with instant gratification – well, the end justifies the means.

It’s like cliche city, huh?  Even my venerable mother, who laid that patience is a virtue thing on us growing up, has been known to also say, “You’d better get it while the getting’s good!”

I’m sure that a lot of people can look at their lives and see where instant gratification plays or has played a role in how we get by each and every day – it’s not always some big-ticket item like sex or relationship stuff.  Take a peek at yourself and see if you can spot those moments where instant gratification tapped you on the shoulder and whispered in your ear, “Act now… not later, okay?”


Posted by on 22 July 2013 in Life, Living and Loving



2 responses to “Instant Gratification

  1. Pyx

    22 July 2013 at 14:51

    Great entry! Though cliche’s make me cringe a little I suppose if it helps someone to act – they serve their purpose. I try my best to stay self aware in regard to instant gratification but I have also found that my ability to wait patiently is what allows me to make smart choices and have no regrets.

    As an aside, the whole sex machine plug into the wall thing, for me anyhow – it’s the husbands creations and his fetish: he likes watching women get off on something he made. It’s a gear head thing, like guys who want more horse power in their cars and for me not about the quest to get off. I like him watching me, I like other people watching me and knowing it turns them on to do so, really the machine is just a toy and is a shit load of fun to break the ice with at parties. I’ve gotten four people on – and off- on a sex machine at once and the party didnt stop there but you have read enough entries about my lack of interest in masturbation. It is so much more fun doing it with someone else!

    Becoming bisexual because of lack of patience… humm. I am now thinking of the Adult Bookstore scenario where it is obvious some men are not into men but for the sake of a blow job they might not care what gender or who is on the other side of the glory hole – certainly they dont offer up to give a blow job but they are willing to receive. Interesting…


    • kdaddy23

      22 July 2013 at 15:14

      It is interesting, isn’t it? We learn that we’re living in a world filled with cliches and wise sayings, all of which serves to either make us patient… or get us to do something as soon as humanly possible. We think we don’t live by them… but they’re inescapable and, yeah, most of us are willing to be patient, to make the best and smartest choices… but we weren’t always like that – well, some of us weren’t.

      Men, because we’re driven to have sex a lot more than women, probably embrace instant gratification a lot more, as you said, going someplace that has glory holes and not being all that concerned about who’s hidden on the other side. Instant gratification says, “Stick your cock in that hole; someone is going to suck it until you cum; it’ll feel damned good so don’t worry about who is on the other side. Do it now.”

      Chances are good there’s another guy on the other side of that hole; chances are good that the guy sticking his cock through that hole knows there’s a guy on the other side – and they’re fine with that as long as they can’t see him. And, if a cock comes through on his side, nope, ain’t gotta do anything with it because his instant gratification has been satisfied unless he wants to go again.

      As I said, instant gratification comes with some risks, like being willing to let another guy suck your dick and being aware that he might be looking for you to suck him… but that’s just being scared and assuming there’s some risk to his masculinity. That’s also part of that weird way we have of justifying our actions – or lack thereof – to ourselves. We say, “I will let this guy suck me (or this gal eat my pussy) but it’s okay if I don’t return the favor and simply because I don’t want to. I know the real reason why I won’t return the favor but that’s not important…”

      Thus, it’s easy for instant gratification to bypass a lot of things, like common sense, logic, and even that innate sense of fairness when it comes to sex – and we can justify it easily to ourselves… but try explaining your justification to someone else and, well, it’s not really gonna hold water; just saying, “I ain’t into that shit!” isn’t good enough nor does it explain why you’re willing to be sucked but not so much when it comes to sucking.



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