I ran across the abovementioned blog yesterday and read, for like the umpteenth time, some of the misconceptions and stereotypes about male bisexuals, like how we can’t commit to just being with a woman, can’t be monogamous, can’t make up our minds on whether we’re attracted to men or women – the usual stuff.
Nate has asked me on a few occasions why I write about bisexuality and I pointed out to him that I do it because a lot of the stuff you can find on the Internet about bisexuality is not only clinical but, as the lady who wrote the blog found out, full of assumptions that aren’t entirely true for every dude who is bisexual. Her blog really stuck in my head and, as I commented, it does make me laugh to see these things and then laugh harder when it is assumed that all bisexual men behave this way or that we lack common sense about a few things.
Like being in a relationship with a woman, for instance. While it’s true that there are some guys who will sneak around on the DL and that there are guys who do, in fact, have their woman’s blessings to get some dick when he needs it, most bisexual guys are not only monogamous but any thoughts of them having a male lover just ain’t gonna cut it and, thus, there’s no point in bringing the matter to his woman’s attention. That a lot of bi guys won’t even mention to their woman that they’re bi and stay faithful and true to the relationship kinda gets passed by or glossed over; it’s easier to point out all the shit bi guys can and will do wrong than to highlight all of the many things they do right.
I said to the woman who wrote the blog, “If you want to know about bisexuality, ask a bisexual.” You could spend quite a bit of time reading whatever the Internet has to offer on this topic but, yeah, if you really wanna know, find a bisexual and ask them; who knows, they might even answer your questions. I did invite her to come over to my blog and ask questions (even though her SO is bi) to get a different take on it; whether she does or not is on her but y’all know I don’t have a problem answering questions about what it’s like to be a bi guy from my own personal perspective.
All the gender identity and gender binary crap aside, it just continues to amaze me that there are straight and gay folks who still feel, here in the 21st century, that (a) bisexuals don’t really exist (hell yeah, we do) and that (b) we should stop faking the funk and pick one side or the other. I don’t pretend to understand why they keep hammering bisexuals with this “either/or” thing – why are they trying to make us choose something other than what we’ve already chosen?
The blog’s author said that she read where bisexuals are unable to make choices… really? I would suppose that this is supposed to mean that we can’t choose between a man or a woman for anything and that’s really kinda silly because we can make choices and we’ve chosen “and” instead of “either/or” – how hard is that to understand? We can choose to be monogamous; we can chose not to do anything about what we feel where men are concerned. We’re not confused in any way that I’m aware of about this; in our minds, our choice makes perfectly good sense. We’re not in denial about being gay; duh, if we were truly gay, would we still love pussy?
I’m not sure if straight or gay folks know this, but even though we’re bisexual, we’re not all bisexual in the exact same way… or even for the same reason. We choose not to let our sexuality define us – that can be some really bad juju; instead, we customize our sexuality – we define it for ourselves, tailoring it to fit our situation, our needs, thoughts and feelings.
The real ‘secret’ to bisexuals lies in what it means at the individual level more than what it means when you lump all of us together.
You can either believe all the crap you can find on the Internet about why we are the way we are… or you can get it straight from the horse’s mouth – get it from several horses, if you can so you can have a better picture; just asking one gives you only one point of view. By doing this, you get the truth as they see it, how it affects their lives, stuff like that there and this, I believe, can go a long way in dispelling those misconceptions and stereotypes…