If you go and read Sean’s amazing announcement – http://havenofthought.wordpress.com/2013/08/11/yes-i-have-a-boyfriend-d-3/ – you just might be able to really see the joy underlying his words as he sets sail on his first, real, gay relationship.
It made me remember my own first (and last) gay relationship and how it made me feel at the moment I entered into it. Ah, man, my thoughts and feelings were all over the place about this! While I was well used to the feelings I had when it came to having sex with guys, this was something different; it was delightful just as much as it was confusing and had given me a strange sense of denial in that I knew how I felt… but something a part of me was trying to say that I couldn’t be feeling what I thought I was feeling… no, not for another guy, uh-uh, can’t be happening.
I think it took me a week of really interacting with him – in a non-sexual manner – to get a grip on my emotions. We talked for hours on end and, admittedly, a lot of that time was spent listening to him telling me how he felt about me; it was almost kinda embarrassing to listen to a man telling me about his feelings for me and in terms that one would expect from a woman. When I’ve written about him in the past, I’ve told you that the one thing that drove me nuts about him was how effeminate he was. It made him loveable and when it came time to have sex, made him very desirable… but when we were just talking or otherwise innocently interacting with each other, wow, his mannerisms just made my balls itch – but I did learn not to let it bother me a whole lot.
Our relationship was brief but special, the feelings so intense and bombarding me so quickly that I barely had time to process them… and I find myself wondering if Sean is experiencing such intense emotions at this time, too.
Such things teach you a valuable lesson about love and relationships, like, despite what the status quo says, the thing that makes love and relationships so wonderful is the person that you’re with even if that person is someone that our society tends to treat like the elephant in the room… like someone who’s gay and not concerned about hiding it by acting straight. If that person is pushing all the right buttons on you, yeah, even when it’s gay sex, it not only feels good but it feels right; the obvious differences between men and women don’t mean a whole lot but being able to please – and be pleased – makes all the difference in the world.
To Sean, I do wish you all the happiness and joy in your new relationship and thanks for reviving this memory for me!