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What Went Wrong?

12 Sep

For my followers who may not be following Mrs. Fever, you should go read this blog she wrote and, once you get there, follow the link she provided and do a little reading so you’ll better understand what I’m about to start ranting about:  http://mrsfever.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/rsex/

Depending on how you look at what I hope you took the time to read, it’s either really fucking sad… or a typical mistake along with a classic reaction to what happens when you (a) let booze do your thinking for you and (b) think that having a foursome is an easy thing to do.

Look, if you and your partner have it in your mind that you wanna expand a few things in your relationship along sexual lines, you can come look at the blogs I’ve written about it (look for the “Swinging” tag if that helps) and then see why doing this could be a wonderful thing to do… or the biggest fucking mistake you’ll ever make in your life.

When you read the linked article in Mrs. Fever’s blog, you can see every mistake that was made from beginning to end.  Sure, the author of that article mentions that he and his wife were thinking about branching out but one can assume – and thanks to how things happened – that they didn’t really and seriously talk and think about doing this.  They get drunk – which is a fucked up state of mind to be making a snap decision on something like this, wound up getting jiggy with the other couple, the wife had herself a good time, and her hubby, who wrote the blog/article, was, in a word, devastated because she was having a ball… and he had… issues and to the point where he not only got assed out physically but emotionally as well; his strong negative emotions put him on the “Player Unable to Perform” list.

Of course, I’ve seen and heard this one too many times for my liking; to answer the question that’s also the title of this blog – well, an answer from my point of view – is what went wrong was a failure to communicate and then letting alcohol grease the way to some very errant thinking.  I know when I read it, I could easily spot the places where the husband could have kicked the whole idea to the curb until (a) they were sober and (b) then able to discuss things fully.  See, I’m not saying that impromptu foursomes just can’t drop into your laps out of the blue; it doesn’t happen that often but it does happen and, hopefully, if one does pay you a visit, you and your partner would have (a) already talked about this and in great depth and detail or (b) the two of you have your shit so much together that this won’t turn into a couple’s worst nightmare.

I asked myself if I felt sorry for the guy this happened to… and I did… and I didn’t; I did realize, though, that my lack of sympathy for him was stemming from the fact that I wouldn’t have made the mistakes that he made in this.  Yeah, not really all that objective of me but that how I felt about what went down as he related it.  I also realized that I did feel… something for his plight because I know that shit can happen to even the most experienced swingers or cool-assed couples who find themselves faced with a swinging situation.

Jeez, I don’t know how many times I’ve written this but, fellas, if you think it’s easy for you to watch your woman getting fucked by some other dude, I beg you to please guess again!  If you think this is something you can deal with but then find out, in the moment of truth, that you can’t handle it, then by all means:  Tell the other people no.  Yeah, they might get pissed but it’s better that they get miffed ’cause you dissed them than it is to go through the emotional turmoil this guy did and, yeah, that his wife totally enjoyed herself didn’t make him feel any better.

Another kick in the head, from my POV, is the wife telling him, after all this was said and done – that if he could handle it, she’d like to do it again.  Let’s see, honey, I couldn’t handle it when it happened last night – what makes you think that I could handle some shit like that again?

I’ve got to go back to that piece and see if any new comments are there from the guy who wrote it to see how badly their relationship got whacked, if it did at all.  You just never, ever, let booze make such decisions for you…

 
36 Comments

Posted by on 12 September 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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36 responses to “What Went Wrong?

  1. lifeofalovergirl

    12 September 2013 at 18:42

    Ouch… I feel the guys pain, yet at the same time I want to tell him to just get the fuck over it, it’s not as big of a deal as he is making it out to be. Still, it being their first time, her being his wife and it being unexpected makes it way harder.

    The other day, when the Producer and I swapped with that other couple he admitted to having trouble getting it up with her. He wasn’t as into the other woman and spent time going down on her because of that. It happens. I’ve heard of plenty of men having “performance” issues when they first experience swinging.

    Hell, I was whispering to the other guy to fuck me and stuff like that too. I don’t know how much of it the Producer heard but I am thankful he didn’t freak out. What I did do was give the Producer tons of attention and affection and appreciation of HIS skills and his cock, afterwards.

    I think this guy’s wife failed in that department which IS hurtful. You’ve gotta let the person you are with know they are still sexy and you are into them, and that sleeping with someone else doesn’t take that away. These people clearly didn’t have enough experience to think about that sort of thing.

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    • Pyx

      12 September 2013 at 20:08

      Get the fuck over it?
      Seriously?

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 01:27

        I know that sounded bitchy and heartless. I don’t really mean it that way though. I know all too well how it feels to get your feelings hurt over stuff like that. It’s awful that it went down the way it did.

        I’ve had only one “almost” experience of a FMF threesome for just that reason, I felt left out, and it upset me enough that I didn’t want to go there again and still have fears about it. So I don’t mean to be cruel or not to understand where he is coming from.

        It’s just that if it’s to the point that you can’t forgive her, even with counseling, then you either need to get the hell out of dodge and move on or you have to decide you aren’t going to let this destroy your life. If you keep telling yourself that it is the end of the world, it will be. I guess it’s his defeatist attitude that is getting on my nerves, lol, or maybe it’s PMS…. 😛

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      • Pyx

        13 September 2013 at 02:14

        I should know better to hold my tongue but it’s out there now. I was very much in the midst of a knee jerk reaction after reading that guys blog – so I might have been feeling a strange sense of being protective over people who write with such gut wrenching emotion – but I don’t take it back.

        Maybe it is the PMS (?) – bitchy and heartless didn’t come to mind actually – it was that it came from you that surprised me. ‘How quickly she forgets’ came to my mind! I have been reading your blog for a while and never thought to write ‘get it over it’ to anything you wrote especially through your heartache with the Proff & the married woman.

        I mean for you to imply it is not that big of deal; wow. That is his wife not just someone he is fucking. I am still a bit taken back. I imagine a lot of people actually feel some empathy for the things you write and though you have recently had a good experience, which is great, in my mind did not justify being so dismissive because all of a sudden you know better.

        I appreciate you coming back and explaining because you didn’t need too – but man you said that other stuff first and elsewhere and as one of your readers it kinda sticks and I did not expect to see that from you.

        Yes I know it is now on me to deal and get over it, and I will but it’s like two completely different people just logged in to the same conversation so forgive my confusing reactions.

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 02:37

        Yeah, my comment sounded dismissive but I didn’t mean it that way. I do understand how he feels, all too well. I do empathize. It sucks. It was awful and traumatic. He has every right to feel hurt and confusion. You are right I have felt that way and wrote all about it in the moment after things happened with the Prof and that married lady.

        I think what rubbed me wrong were the comments that seemed to me to be slut shaming her for her behavior, on his part. Like Kdaddy said, everyone is making her out to be this wanton whore but he didn’t try and stop things before they escalated and now he wants to act as though she’s committed an unforgiveable sin. Well, he was right there. He clearly didn’t stand up for himself, which I also get can be difficult, but to act as though he just can’t get over it now seems manipulative.

        Yes, it would suck to hear your wife asking another guy to fuck her, but then again if you are agreeing, tacitly or not, to allow her to fuck him you’ve got to accept that she might enjoy it. What happened was that he went along with something without really wanting to and I agree that for that he needs to forgive HIMSELF, not hold a lot of anger towards his wife for. Now if he thinks she deliberately hurt him, well, maybe there was more wrong with that relationship already that we don’t know about (like Ms. Fever was saying in her comments).

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  2. Pyx

    12 September 2013 at 20:07

    “but my wife is enjoying herself […]
    But I do nothing.”

    And that right there is what taking one for the team looks like.

    That was horrible, I could not even make it through to the end.

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    • kdaddy23

      12 September 2013 at 21:29

      Pyx, that was worse than taking one for the team! As we say in da hood, he got caught up in some shit that he thought he could handle… then found out that he couldn’t and what made it all worse from his perspective is that his wife was clearly having the time of her life.

      Classic mistake, classic outcome.

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      • Pyx

        12 September 2013 at 21:38

        Oh I don’t think he thought he could handle it at all, I get the impression he was very logical in saying wait till we are sober and what started out with the ladies getting it on… things moved so fast he was no longer even processing things clearly.

        I think he was unable to say no or stop – that’s what i meant by taking one for the team – people want to jump and say ‘why didnt he stop her?!’ well that’s why because she was having fun and as much as it was killing him he couldn’t.

        I didnt make it all the way through that blog, it was too horrific.

        I can watch some pretty fucked up shit but that kind of heartache I can;t tolerate as entertainment.

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      • kdaddy23

        12 September 2013 at 22:14

        I read a lot of the actual comments to this guy’s posting and, frankly, I’m kinda appalled. The wife is a villainess, he’s the hapless victim, and almost everyone is saying that (a) they need professional help and (b) Harry should be killed or otherwise seriously fucked up. There’s a slew of people who, by their own admission, couldn’t do what this guy and his wife did… and they have ‘helpful’ advice? I dunno, Pyx, there’s something about the tone of the comments that ain’t sitting well with me. Sure, it was a big mistake and one that was comprised of a lot of smaller mistakes.

        Horrific? Well, yeah, like I said, it’s classically horrific – the worst possible outcome for this guy. See, anyone who asks, “Why didn’t he stop her?” or “Why didn’t he/they just say no until they could talk about it more?” have never been in his situation; they have no idea how what sounds like harmless fun can escalate until it’s totally out of anyone’s control and now all you can do is just hang on and wait for the ride to finally stop.

        See, the way I understand it, taking one for the team is agreeing to go ahead and do this thing even though, right from the start, you weren’t feeling good about any piece of the deal… but you go ahead and do it anyway because you’d rather not disappoint your partner, which makes sense since you gotta live with them. Easier to go ahead and get it done and then talk about how it made you feel after the fact than to appear to be selfish and slam the door in an eager partner’s face – I’ve seen this one get pretty ugly.

        But those comments at the end of that guy’s post? Oh, Trips on Rocks, they just bother me…

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 01:30

        I think it was compounded because he never really agreed to go along with the whole thing in the first place. It seems like his wife kind of just forged ahead without considering that he might not enjoy it….probably assuming he would. If people paid basic attention to one another’s emotional state it would help a lot.

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      • kdaddy23

        13 September 2013 at 01:57

        The thing is, Lovergirl, everyone’s looking at his wife as if she’s the worst slut ever and I continue to maintain that when you have no rules in place to govern everyone’s behavior, when you leave people to their own devices, bad things can happen. Ideally, you put the onus of responsibility on both people to be in control of the situation but, as people are wont to do, the poor, spineless, hapless husband becomes the victim of his wife’s lust… when all he had to do was shut this shit down before the four of them ever got back home (or the moment it did). It’s not just about him forgiving her… he has to be able to forgive himself because by now, he has to know where he fucked up and how they fucked up as a ‘team’. What happened isn’t the end of the world and, yeah, it’s totally fixable.

        @Pyx, see, if I were still counseling folks about this kind of stuff, I would be asking them both what it’s gonna take to make sure they never fuck up like this again and, yeah, I’d even suggest that after initially talking about what happened – to get both sides of the story – they not dwell about it because you’re right – all you’re doing is subjecting each other to unnecessary trauma when the push should be to preserve the relationship and restore the faith in each other. You could spend years playing the “what if” game after the fact.

        Or, like I used to tell my children when they got caught up in some shit, “You should have thought about that before you did it…”

        I keep thinking about this dude and shaking my head…

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      • kdaddy23

        13 September 2013 at 01:57

        The thing is, Lovergirl, everyone’s looking at his wife as if she’s the worst slut ever and I continue to maintain that when you have no rules in place to govern everyone’s behavior, when you leave people to their own devices, bad things can happen. Ideally, you put the onus of responsibility on both people to be in control of the situation but, as people are wont to do, the poor, spineless, hapless husband becomes the victim of his wife’s lust… when all he had to do was shut this shit down before the four of them ever got back home (or the moment it did). It’s not just about him forgiving her… he has to be able to forgive himself because by now, he has to know where he fucked up and how they fucked up as a ‘team’. What happened isn’t the end of the world and, yeah, it’s totally fixable.

        @Pyx, see, if I were still counseling folks about this kind of stuff, I would be asking them both what it’s gonna take to make sure they never fuck up like this again and, yeah, I’d even suggest that after initially talking about what happened – to get both sides of the story – they not dwell about it because you’re right – all you’re doing is subjecting each other to unnecessary trauma when the push should be to preserve the relationship and restore the faith in each other. You could spend years playing the “what if” game after the fact.

        Or, like I used to tell my children when they got caught up in some shit, “You should have thought about that before you did it…”

        I keep thinking about this dude and shaking my head…

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 02:43

        Kdaddy, I totally agree, and I think that’s why I reacted the way I did. Like, yeah it sucks and I’m sorry it was so awful for you, but suck it up buddy because you brought it upon yourself and now you are trying to play the victim. I do think he kind of got drug into it all but as the man in the interaction I suppose I hold him to a higher level of leadership and accountability for controlling stuff like that happening. Is that fair? Maybe not. He has a right to feel hurt, but not really to blame her. Yet at the same time she comes across as being inconsiderate. So…. I don’t know…

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      • kdaddy23

        13 September 2013 at 02:58

        Lovergirl, a lot of people would hold him accountable and responsible for making sure that nothing he didn’t want to happen was gonna happen. I thought her saying to him that if he was okay with it, she wanted to do it again was quite inconsiderate; like, lady, were you really that busy getting your brains fucked out that you didn’t notice your hubby was having issues during and after the fact about this?

        Why blame the other couple? So, when his wife asked Harry to fuck her, Harry should have asked her husband if it was okay – and he didn’t so, voila, it’s their fault that this happened, right along with the author’s wife. The way he wrote things, you get the impression that Harry and Sally didn’t give a shit about anything other than getting their freak on so they’d be seen as in the wrong, which strikes me as damned funny since a lot of swingers don’t want to bother with nuisance emotions or actions like being being considerate and/or mindful of someone else’s feelings. But I digress…

        I can think of a few reasons why he’d want to kill Harry. One, for not asking permission to fuck his wife… and then Harry fucks the living daylights out of her… and he couldn’t get hard with a splint and duct tape… so Harry has to die for usurping his manhood and, oh, yeah, knocking his wife’s pussy into the next zip code.

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 03:11

        Well yeah, it does suck that he couldn’t get hard and I could see how he’d direct his jealous rage at Harry. Asking permission would have been the respectful thing to do and he didn’t. Also, Harry knew he was jumping on a totally drunk woman, which in some cases could even lead to rape accusations. Granted her begging him to fuck her didn’t make it sound that way at all.

        The right thing for him to do would be to ask if it was alright. Sally though, it didn’t seem to me like she did anything wrong. She was even feeling bad for the guy who couldn’t get it up.

        The couple may have been a bit pushy trying to get them in bed. He should have given a more firm no but it is understandable that he didn’t when his wife seemed to be having such a blast and he didn’t want to be the party pooper. Plus he was probably enjoying the two women together before old dude jumped in. It was an unfortunate situation all around.

        I just see it as something they should be looking at TOGETHER and saying this wasn’t cool and moving on. The wife’s attitude though, that is just kind of nuts. She was supposedly so drunk she can’t remember but at the same time thought it was fun enough to do again despite hurting her husband? That part does sound pretty fucked up.

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  3. Pyx

    12 September 2013 at 22:44

    Oh lord his blog is open to comments! *gags*

    I will admit that I was feeling a bit of a protective knee jerk reaction after reading what I did – see the above comment left to LoverGirl – but that is because I have been the person couples like him and his wife go too after the fact. I could not see myself however suggesting that any of the people in the room were in fault.

    Do you think he will read those comment? They sound awfully judgmental type comments.

    I had a couple come to me, poor guy just couldn’t get the images out of his head you know and no matter what she did, how hard she tried, there was just no taking it back. You cannot ‘unsee’ what you just saw. They ended up in a horrible divorce struggle that I fear was his attempt at getting even and projecting his pain outwards.

    That is what freaks me out about blogs like that – I have seen the real life consequences and dare I say that sometimes comments can only make such things worse?! I can understand him writing it out, in an attempt at getting it out of his head, but with each comment I fear he is reliving his own trauma. And it is traumatic for some people… and they dont know it till it happens.

    We try to be such brave creatures for the ones we love don’t we.

    And you’re right, you know what, no amount of talking can guarantee people anything – these two people could have talked it out till blue in the face and this still could have been his reaction – even with rules I’ve seen people go back at each other. Yeah taking one for the team is like that but I took it further (lol) because I’ve had wives in my house holding on to my pet with white knuckles half way through their husband’s doing something with me and had I not been aware I know they wouldn’t have said a word because ‘we talked about this’ or ‘well he was already inside you’ or ‘he was having fun and I didnt want to ruin it for him’

    You and I have enough experience between us, there is such a thing as being the one who knows better – I guess the husband and wife that were swingers could have, if they were sober, been more attentive… but you’re right alcohol just gets in the mix… hell I had to remind one guy that his wife was getting dressed and mentioned the kids 5 times!

    I guess if anything it proves as evidence of the risk to others? That even me, someone who has done and gone beyond that whole scenario… oh I don’t know I feel a strange urge to call my husband and say thank you and that I love him and how awfully proud I am of us, but I don’t need that’s guys blog to do it…

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    • kdaddy23

      12 September 2013 at 23:23

      When I started reading the comments, I knew they’d be a problem and I deemed them useless because unless I missed something, no one who commented told him that it’ll be okay and that he and his wife should work this out between themselves before seeking professional help and, honestly, how helpful could that be? Pyx, in my swinging life, my partners and I have had the most well-crafted rules some really smart and intuitive people could come up with – and weird shit has happened. In this, as with so many other things in life, it’s not that shit’s gonna happen – it’s what you do the moment it does. If you do or say nothing at that moment, well, you’re gonna get what you just paid for with your silence and inaction and, if luck is on your side, the experience might have the nerve to turn out to be a good one.

      And if you’re unlucky, guess what’ll happen. As we both agree on, you can talk until you’re blue in the face… and that doesn’t mean a damned thing. Theory is nice and even safe; practical application is the bitch of all motherfuckers when it comes to this. You get to that moment of truth and then you find out that the harmless fun of watching your wife and the other woman making out has turned into something not so harmless because, with most people, once you flip that switch on, it’s very difficult to flip it off. People don’t believe in getting caught up in the the heat of the moment… and I have low opinions of those who think this really doesn’t happen. Sure, it might not happen to them… but they stupidly assume that because it doesn’t happen to them, it’s not real.

      This guy and his wife found out the hard way how real this shit can be. It’s easy to assign blame to either of them in this… and totally pointless because pointing the finger at the husband for his mistakes or the wife for hers isn’t going to change what has already happened. If I were talking to them about this, I would calmly point out every mistake they made and get them to understand how and why they both screwed the pooch – and then challenge them, their love for each other and the strength of their relationship to not let this fuck their lives up because, duh, they’re not the only ones who ever made this exact same mistake. Now, if they let this destroy their marriage, then I’ll blame them because it doesn’t have to happen that way.

      It’s not that you’re gonna fuck something up – it’s what you do after you fuck it up…

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      • Pyx

        13 September 2013 at 01:19

        I am not a fan nor often recommend therapy to anyone – I do not believe that talking about trauma over and over again for long periods of time help. However I have seen couples who clearly need to learn how to talk to each other – couple of meetings worth of ‘this is how we talk to each other’ hard to admit that adults need to learn not to accuse each other, use the words ‘I feel’ and yes they do need to relearn how to listen.

        The wife of the one couple I counseled got fed up, she was tired of feeling bad, she was tired of seeing him feel bad and she started to get angry and impatient. Before they got to me, do you want to know what they came up with alone, together?

        They tried to get him laid, with a woman, him alone with her, to even things out.

        I shit you not.

        See the fact is shit can be so bad in one person’s head that their partner can’t even help them out and in fact could probably make it worse. I think I would agree with you that too often comments seem to lack empathy or a sincerity that could impact someone in a positive way. Every one is a fucking online guru tossing terminology around, theories they have only read about in someone else’s blog as if they have their own lives figured out. Pisses me off!

        I mean don not get me wrong, if I were that guy I would have written that out and vanished, never gone back to see comments: I kind of hope he doesn’t.

        Re: heat of the moment
        I had to kind of smile because I remember my parents looking at me sometimes asking me ‘why the hell did you do that!’ and I once actually said ‘I dont know, heat of the moment?’ my dad busted a gut laughing.

        Ah yes even Trips On Rocks had learned that a moment of passion leaves many ripples that have yet to reach the shore.
        (that was aboot as deep as I could get with my Native Wisdom lol)

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  4. Pyx

    13 September 2013 at 02:22

    They think the wife is at fault?!

    This is just getting worse, now I really hope he doesn’t log in to read his comments!

    She was awesome when she was making out with the other wife … yeah I can see comments getting out hand like that quickly, the sexual woman is at fault, not the other man that was a swinger and clearly wanted to get at this woman.

    I need to watch something happy before bed so I don’t have nightmares…

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    • kdaddy23

      13 September 2013 at 02:37

      Pyx, gird your loins and go read all of the comments. I find, at times, that it’s not the situation that’s so shocking – it’s the comments. I know seasoned swingers who’d blame the wife for asking Harry to fuck her… but, as I read what the hubby had to say – and unless he left something out – nowhere in his dialog was it implied that she couldn’t fuck Harry. I could see if he was bent out of shape because they had rules and she just ignored them.

      And, no, common sense – and whatever the fuck that means in this situation – isn’t really in play. Common sense says that if you (not you) and your husband don’t have a plan in place to cover a spur-of-the-moment throwdown, you only do what everyone kinda/sorta agreed to, in this case, the girls getting busy with each other and even some soft swapping. Common sense says that in this situation, if she wanted to be fucked, she should have turned to her husband for that; let’s say for the sake of argument that if he didn’t tell her that he was okay with Harry fucking her, common sense says that you don’t fuck Harry. But, obviously, that’s not what happened.

      We see, once again, how sex has the power to make smart people stupid and, nope, the booze didn’t help matters.

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      • Pyx

        13 September 2013 at 02:49

        Trips on rocks gird your loins!

        Okay that was my happy moment before bed, you got me to laugh.

        maybe, MAYBE, I will get enough guts to read them tomorrow – read them through fingers like the horror show I know it will be.

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  5. lifeofalovergirl

    13 September 2013 at 02:46

    I want to add that I have no clue why anyone would blame the other couple!! They just wanted to have fun and clearly thought if the others didn’t want to join in they’d say so.

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    • Pyx

      13 September 2013 at 02:56

      There is the idea that those who know better, those with experience should be the ones held to a higher standard and example. This couple seem to be active swingers – this man and his wife were not.

      Not everyone abides the same rules but we are women, let us be honest, guys have gotten us drunk and then suggested things … just because it was to a couple this time does not mean that Harry was not playing at something.

      Do you not think Harry and Sally could have said something? Knowing that as swingers they might have rules that clearly these two did not? This man did say ‘let us talk about it when we are sober’ and taking it from the girls playing to the next level.

      I have met wives that will do almost anything to let their man get laid – including a woman that actually took a distraught husband out of a hotel room for a coffee while her husband fucked his wife. So yes, Sally knew this guy was freaking out and drunk or not could have done something, because they should know better.

      It might just be me but with sexual power and liberty I do believe comes great responsibility.

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      • kdaddy23

        13 September 2013 at 03:03

        It’s possible that Harry and Sally played this guy and his wife. Yeah, when they heard him say that it should be talked about when they’re sober should have spurred them to respect his wish to do this. Hell, for all anyone knows, his wife could have been in on the “plot” to get their freak on and to hell with whatever impact it had on him; Sally could have been perfectly willing to take one for the team so Harry could get that pussy – and pussy the wife really wanted to give Harry albeit at her husband’s expense.

        Shit, Lovergirl, anything’s possible and more so when we only have his side of the story to work with…

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      • Pyx

        13 September 2013 at 03:07

        yup yup yup!
        preach it kdaddy….
        we have seen this before!
        I know I have…

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    • Pyx

      13 September 2013 at 03:05

      Crap my comment got cut off: I should make a joke about it all being fun and games till someone looses and eye but… clearly it is all fun for them till the other couple now ends up in divorce court. It is no skin off their ass what should they care right? Harry wanted at the wife and men are not against using their own wives to get what they want. So in fact your comment about Ms Fever’s theory about them having other issues: I would assume the other way, the swingers had the issues and brought them right to this guys marital bed. I see the swingers as the dysfunctional ones in this story.

      Doesn’t sound like the kind of fun I enjoy having. I actually like people leaving with a good experience, I never wanted to be anyone’s bad one or at their expense but the world would be dull of we were all me.

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  6. lifeofalovergirl

    13 September 2013 at 03:02

    Also, if I were talking to this guy directly, and trying to counsel him, I wouldn’t be all “just fucking get over it”. I would let him know I understood his pain (and I do). Yet, I would also remind him that hey, this is something you got into because you made choices here and here that could have been different. So, stop blaming your wife and get out of the mindset that her enjoying sex with another man meant she didn’t love YOU. I’d remind him that this was just sex (and drunk sex at that) and not a sign of emotional attachment between them. I’d counsel HER to really go out of her way to give him reassurance and let him know he’s still number one, that this isn’t something that will break their relationship. Clearly this ISN’T something they were ready for at all, but I do think it should be easier overcome than if she had run off and done this without him there and without his seemingly giving permission.

    Like

     
    • Pyx

      13 September 2013 at 03:14

      It wasnt just sex that is what you are missing here – sex means something different for everyone and it was clearly emotional for this guy. I think he was okay with the idea of the girls playing and shit got out of hand so quick. Not everyone is wired the same way.

      I think you might also be missing the fact that it appears he is blaming her, but we project pain outwards and his brain is unable to process what he saw and separate it from emotion. The human brain is no easy thing and unfortunately we only find out how things are wired once we are in the middle of it – we like to keep suggesting this man had choices that he had control, he did not – his brain, his body, his voice were no longer working in unison. He was paralyzed in a sense, not only experience a kind of shock but actually unable to control himself/his body.

      He has suffered a trauma, he might never get over it, he can only learn how to cope with it: he will always be going back and forth to blaming himself, her, everyone else, grief, acceptance… he will feel them all at once and it;s a vicious cycle that requires assistance from someone other than his wife. I wish his best friend had answered the phone.

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      • lifeofalovergirl

        13 September 2013 at 03:20

        😦 I do feel awful for him. It was clearly traumatic and he didn’t want to be the party pooper and didn’t know how to stop it. Both his wife and Harry were being selfish and he was humiliated. He needs to process his emotions but I truly hope that it is something he CAN get over.

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      • Pyx

        13 September 2013 at 03:21

        I hate blogs like that!
        I keep wanting a happy ending, a good update…
        and they so rarely come.

        Okay guys, if he posts an update someone has to tell me LOL fingers crossed it’s a good one!

        Like

         
  7. Cinnamon

    14 September 2013 at 22:04

    After reading all the comments on THIS blog…..there’s no way I’m going over there for the abuse I’d do to my eyes by reading the mentioned blog. I’ve got a pretty good idea what happened (cause I’ve seen it happen too much myself) and I know enough about myself to know that I would get into some kind of battle royale if the comments are like everyone has alluded to. No, I don’t think any blame should go to the other couple. That said though….if they are indeed seasoned swingers, they should have had the foresight to “see” that the other couple were newbies. Are you telling me that it didn’t come up in conversation that this would be their first time? If so, GOOD seasoned swingers would have proceeded a little differently. At least I would have. I’d have asked if they had rules and what they were. If they gave me the “deer in the headlights look” I would have been very tempted to try to get out of the whole situation. So, maybe they were of the “bed notcher” variety of seasoned swingers. Just out for themselves. And before someone jumps my ass….I know it’s supposed to be fun, and we are all supposed to be adults, but a little caution could possibly save a relationship. Too noble for ya? Sue me. Kdaddy has my back ! LOL

    As far as the wife having too much fun? Possibly. But again, I’ve seen more men have trouble with seeing their SO’s having fun than the other way around. Mainly, because a few have confessed to me that in the back of their minds, they think their woman should politely decline the offered fuck instead of wholeheartedly “going for it”. As women, we are supposed to feed the man’s fantasy (the whole girl/girl stuff) but not the other guy’s penis. Does it say if the other guy was hung better than the husband? LOL Think that may have been an issue? I’m just speculating. Like I said, no judgment here. I didn’t even have the guts to read the blog. I’m just spouting from experience and posing my 2 cents worth. Besides, I haven’t commented on my “main man’s” blog in a while. Miss ya Rob !

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      15 September 2013 at 01:46

      Darling Cinn, how nice of you to stop by – and I’m glad you did ’cause you make some damned good points as usual.

      Like

       
    • kdaddy23

      15 September 2013 at 01:46

      Darling Cinn, how nice of you to stop by – and I’m glad you did ’cause you make some damned good points as usual.

      Like

       
  8. travellinginternationally

    26 September 2013 at 02:15

    To me, this post disturbs me on so many levels. Drinking and threesomes / foursomes never mix. If he was uncomfortable with the situation then he should have said something. Next the ‘kick in the nuts’ for me is the update where he states both of them (his wife and him) feel they were victims, WTF? Making dumb decisions while drinking does not make you a victim. Finally the comment if he could handle it would she want to do it some more? If this was truly a bad situation then why does he want to repeat it?

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      26 September 2013 at 02:29

      If they were victims, they victimized themselves and it’s a situation where I’ve seen people get themselves into and they were stone-cold sober. Something like this always sounds like a good idea at the time and right up to the moment when all holy hell breaks loose…

      Like

       
  9. travellinginternationally

    26 September 2013 at 02:39

    I agree, rushing into a situation like this may sound good after a few drinks and a few over innuendos; however, once the clothes come off reality usually hits like semi. If you cannot say, at that point, “I am uncomfortable with this situation,” then you need to be an adult in accepting the consequences of the decision.

    Like

     

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