What Does It All Mean… If Anything?

30 Sep

It’s a rather cool Monday afternoon here and I was thinking (yeah, again) that those of you who have been following me for a while knows that from time to time, I think about my sexuality in various terms but then I start looking at the higher level stuff as a kind of self-check to determine if my sexuality still makes sense to me.

Sounds kinda weird, huh?  Y’all should know by now that I can do weird rather easily but, all jokes aside, I find it’s a good thing to think about because it doesn’t allow me to take sex or my sexuality for granted as in one of those “it is what it is” kind of things.

I think in terms of the sex that’s possible and while I’m not really focusing on anything specific, I am looking at what it all means… if anything.  I like to think of myself as being sexually liberated and that I’m not all that willing to put a high price on my satisfaction and pleasure.  Like probably everyone else – and regardless to their sexuality – I have that list of things I will and won’t do… but I don’t have much in the way of inhibitions or, I hope, major hangups about things sexual.  I look at this and ask myself, “Self, how do you feel about this?  And do you think being bisexual continues to make a difference in who you are?”

I enjoy the sexual diversity and, in this, being a bit of a sexual maverick in that there’s a side of me that doesn’t stick with conventional things, like keeping the sex I may have to just boy/girl things.  It’s not as if there aren’t a lot of things a man and woman can do together to float boats and rock worlds… but being bisexual (at least for me) adds that extra dimension to things, the thrill of knowing that when I’m gulping down a man’s sperm, I’m stepping out of the box and in a way that would upset most guys’ comfort levels.

It’s about being able to ‘switch gears’ without a whole lot of thinking about it or having to feel a certain way or be in a particular situation.  For years, I’ve always joked that if given the choice between pussy or dick, I’d take the pussy first… but wouldn’t say no to the dick.  That whole ‘either/or’ thing tends to bug me whenever it comes to my attention because, of course, I’ve been this way for so long that it’s not either/or – it’s both so for me to play mind games with myself about preferences really doesn’t do a lot of good – at least not for me because the preference, at the high levels, is to have sex, satisfy, and be satisfied and all in a way that I’m comfortable with.

I used to spend a lot of time wondering what I’d be like if I weren’t bisexual… and I gave up because I realized it’s an exercise in futility – there’s just really no way for me to know exactly how I might have turned out had I not gotten that first taste of dick.  Nowadays I spend periods of time thinking about my sexuality versus my age and how that’s going to affect things in my life.  I don’t really worry about it and more so when I know a couple of men in their 60’s who are still sucking dick and taking it in the butt and despite however their age has impacted them, like the one gentleman who told me that even though he has ED and had his prostate removed, the only thing putting a crimp in his style is finding other men to accommodate him.

I pay attention to how others deal with being bisexual – there’s a lot to be learned from this, maybe not so much from the physical side of things but from the direction of where their head is on the matter.  Sometimes I see… reluctance in someone’s position, like, they know they enjoy going both ways but societal norms and maybe even morality keeps tugging them back to the left side of the scale – Kinsey, that is.  It says to me that while being straight is something we’ve all been conditioned to be, even when we dare to cross the line, some of us aren’t alway able to resist the pull to do things in the conventional and expected way.  This is of some interest to me when I get to thinking whether or not just being straight makes sense as I go forward in my life because it’s not as if I don’t feel that pull that wants to drag me kicking and screaming back to the straight side – I just choose to ignore it.

I see and/or read about other bisexuals and it’s like comparing notes or doing a bit of a reality check because for me not to think about my sexuality means that I’m content with it and that means that I might not be willing to step any farther outside of my comfort zones, like maybe the next time I have a sure chance of sucking a guy off, I might not be willing to take it, preferring to stay wherever my level of contentment is.  Sure, these days, you have to be more careful than at any time that I can recall because the health risks are pretty fucking scary.  I do ask myself whether or not I should let these concerns change what I am… and the answer is no even though it does call for changes in behavior because while I’m a horny motherfucker, I’m not stupid or entirely off my rocker.

What does it all mean?  It means that I’m still very much willing and able to continue my exploration of my sexuality and, of course, my ongoing desire for sex.  As it stands, I figure that if there’s a time where thinking about pussy and dick fails to get my blood simmering, I might need a CAT scan to find out just what went wrong with my brain at the most, check my own ID to make sure I am who I think I am at the least – and I’d be checking my pulse!

Just a thought about being bi that popped into my head…

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Posted by on 30 September 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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