I’m on a roll today! So I was thinking about that sample I read of “The Joy of Gay Sex” last night and one of the things that stood out in my mind in the excerpt was the authors’ contention that men who have unprotected anal sex with other men are, in a word, insane because of the high risk of HIV/AIDS infection and that men who insist on going in bare – or men who request it in the raw – should be avoided and, as the authors’ suggested, if it’s someone you know, you should recommend them to a therapist who specializes in gay sex.
It had me frowning because, most of the time, it was bareback or nothing for me; occasionally, a condom was used but even the thinnest ones (back in the day) often lost something in the translation and created a bit of a disconnect in the pleasure of being fucked because while you could feel him cumming, you couldn’t actually feel his sperm in your ass – it’s a difference that makes a difference and those of you who have been fucked with a condom probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
Even with the advances made in the battle against HIV/AIDS, going bare in someone’s butt is still considered to be a bit of risky business although I will admit to being a little uncertain about how two men who haven’t been exposed to the virus can have unprotected anal sex with each other – and wind up with HIV/AIDS; unless there’s something I missed, the only way one can be infected is to catch it from someone who is infected.
Of course, at the height of my anal adventures, there was no such animal as HIV/AIDS and the worst things you could get in your butt was a dose of the clap or syphilis and then if you were really unlucky. One usually didn’t proceed if there was a train already on the track, to be polite about it and while today giving one’s self a good cleansing via enema is a very smart thing to do prior to getting poked in the ass, back in the day, enemas were things to be avoided like the plague; while having a hard cock in your ass was fun, having that nozzle attached to the infamous red rubber bag was anything but – that hot, soapy water just wasn’t cutting the mustard! I can literally only remember a couple of times when the track was occupied and the attempt was aborted because who wants to deal with that particular mess?
The authors did point out that back in the day, condom usage for anal sex was considered to be kinky – and, just so you know, the authors of the most recent publication of this book are Dr. Charles Silverstein and Felice Picano; the photo says that Edmund White collaborated with Dr. Silverstein but this was an earlier incarnation of the book. It’s an unintentional plug but the book can be found on Amazon and if you have a Kindle or the Kindle app on your phone, tablet, or computer, you can get the sample and give it a peek to see some of the other things the authors had to say. I did find the section about bisexuality to be interesting because it’s written along the lines that bisexual men don’t really exist – but we already know that’s not true… but back to doin’ da butt.
I can’t honestly say that back in those heady days (no pun intended) that we were all that worried about going in bare; it was just expected that if you and the other guy agreed to fuck, bare was the only way to do it. What I find interesting – and only because I just happened to be thinking about it – is that there were a lot of times when getting fucked (or doing the fucking) was like an afterthought; if you didn’t get your rocks off getting sucked, then the ‘obvious’ solution to this situation was to shove it in and – voila! Creamy butt! I would be in that situation with a guy and despite all the oral shit done to him, he just couldn’t get off… and you just somehow understood why he couldn’t, the main culprit here being too revved up/overstimulated. I’d ask if he wanted to fuck me and, if he did, fine; if he didn’t, it was back to work orally and even manually.
I know I’ve been the one who couldn’t cum after being very nicely sucked and a lot of guys would offer up their ass as the ultimate solution… but in my own experiences, I can only recall a few specific moments when the intent of getting with a guy was to fuck/be fucked. It got to a point (at least with me) that some guys were just fine to suck but the thought of having them in my ass didn’t sit well with me and probably because his vibe didn’t feel right to me. A lot of times, you just got caught up in the moment and wind up fucking/being fucked without this being the reason why you agreed to lie down with the other guy; I know that I’ve started out just wanting to suck dick and somewhere along the line decide that feeling him in my ass would be a wonderful adjunct to a rather lusty moment. Even in that situation, a very soapy finger served to do a bit of cleaning as well as providing a bit of lubrication – killing two birds with one stone, if you will – and it was all good for one and all.
Of course, when HIV/AIDS hit the scene, a lot of minds got changed about fucking someone’s ass although in the early days, the fact that you could get hit with something that would sneak up on you and kill you somewhere down the road was just not to be believed… but once it became quite believable, a lot of guys were a lot more careful about doing the bareback thing; instead of it being the rule, it got to be the exception. I think a lot of guys eschewed condoms at this point because of that weird thing of being rock hard before slipping on the raincoat… and then being as limp as overcooked spaghetti the moment you got it on. A lot of guys learned that they were actually allergic to the condoms back then; whoo, I recall hearing a lot of guys lamenting about the horrific rashes they got.
Even in the face of a possible death sentence, a lot of guys would still go bare and simply because it just didn’t feel the same; again, there’s being able to feel him pulsing and throbbing as he cuts loose… and then there’s actually feeling sperm in your ass; it just somehow adds to one’s satisfaction to feel the spunk in there, a sentiment I’ve heard women voice over the years.
Going back to the book, I’m really gonna have to get my hands on a copy just so I can read some more of the authors’ premises; I know that from what I read of the sample, I dunno, it seems rather stereotypical in nature. The book is illustrated and I couldn’t help but notice that all of the drawn characters have big dicks, are bearded, have tats, or are damn near hairless. The authors state early on that they wrote this book to help gay men better deal with their sexuality but from what little the sample offered, I’m having a little difficulty figuring out how putting the obvious stereotypes (at least as I understand them) is really all that helpful.
Like this one: Earrings. When I first got my ears pierced, I knew that if you had it in your right ear, people would think/know that you’re gay so I had my left ear pierced first – and people still thought I was gay. Today, I have both of my ears pierced twice, I have fourteen tattoos… and I’m still not gay… but the authors kinda lay it out that if you have piercings/tats, it’s something to be expected of gay men… and that’s just not true because I know quite a few men who are straight, homophobic, tatted and pierced. I know a guy who has a Prince Albert… and he’s not gay either. Just reading this part, while historically interesting, makes me wonder if the authors should get their latest edition up to date and in sync with how gay men are today and not the perception that became greatly apparent way back in 1977 when the book was originally written.
What remains constant, though, is that covered or not, men still very much suck each other’s cocks and fuck each other in the ass. It’s gay sex… but not necessarily an indication of really being gay or even bisexual; today, doin’ the butt of another guy is just another way to get one’s rocks crushed. I, myself, haven’t been fucked (or fucked anyone) in a while – it’s no longer my thing to do – but I do remember all those moments, painful or otherwise, of the rush of feeling a man inside me, thrusting until his cock swells and he spills his load inside of me.
Okay, I might be done… but I doubt it.