Doin’ Da Butt

31 Oct

I’m on a roll today!  So I was thinking about that sample I read of “The Joy of Gay Sex” last night and one of the things that stood out in my mind in the excerpt was the authors’ contention that men who have unprotected anal sex with other men are, in a word, insane because of the high risk of HIV/AIDS infection and that men who insist on going in bare – or men who request it in the raw – should be avoided and, as the authors’ suggested, if it’s someone you know, you should recommend them to a therapist who specializes in gay sex.

The Joy of Gay Sex

The Joy of Gay Sex (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It had me frowning because, most of the time, it was bareback or nothing for me; occasionally, a condom was used but even the thinnest ones (back in the day) often lost something in the translation and created a bit of a disconnect in the pleasure of being fucked because while you could feel him cumming, you couldn’t actually feel his sperm in your ass – it’s a difference that makes a difference and those of you who have been fucked with a condom probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

Even with the advances made in the battle against HIV/AIDS, going bare in someone’s butt is still considered to be a bit of risky business although I will admit to being a little uncertain about how two men who haven’t been exposed to the virus can have unprotected anal sex with each other – and wind up with HIV/AIDS; unless there’s something I missed, the only way one can be infected is to catch it from someone who is infected.

Of course, at the height of my anal adventures, there was no such animal as HIV/AIDS and the worst things you could get in your butt was a dose of the clap or syphilis and then if you were really unlucky.  One usually didn’t proceed if there was a train already on the track, to be polite about it and while today giving one’s self a good cleansing via enema is a very smart thing to do prior to getting poked in the ass, back in the day, enemas were things to be avoided like the plague; while having a hard cock in your ass was fun, having that nozzle attached to the infamous red rubber bag was anything but – that hot, soapy water just wasn’t cutting the mustard!  I can literally only remember a couple of times when the track was occupied and the attempt was aborted because who wants to deal with that particular mess?

The authors did point out that back in the day, condom usage for anal sex was considered to be kinky – and, just so you know, the authors of the most recent publication of this book are Dr. Charles Silverstein and Felice Picano; the photo says that Edmund White collaborated with Dr. Silverstein but this was an earlier incarnation of the book.  It’s an unintentional plug but the book can be found on Amazon and if you have a Kindle or the Kindle app on your phone, tablet, or computer, you can get the sample and give it a peek to see some of the other things the authors had to say.  I did find the section about bisexuality to be interesting because it’s written along the lines that bisexual men don’t really exist – but we already know that’s not true… but back to doin’ da butt.

I can’t honestly say that back in those heady days (no pun intended) that we were all that worried about going in bare; it was just expected that if you and the other guy agreed to fuck, bare was the only way to do it.  What I find interesting – and only because I just happened to be thinking about it – is that there were a lot of times when getting fucked (or doing the fucking) was like an afterthought; if you didn’t get your rocks off getting sucked, then the ‘obvious’ solution to this situation was to shove it in and – voila!  Creamy butt!  I would be in that situation with a guy and despite all the oral shit done to him, he just couldn’t get off… and you just somehow understood why he couldn’t, the main culprit here being too revved up/overstimulated.  I’d ask if he wanted to fuck me and, if he did, fine; if he didn’t, it was back to work orally and even manually.

I know I’ve been the one who couldn’t cum after being very nicely sucked and a lot of guys would offer up their ass as the ultimate solution… but in my own experiences, I can only recall a few specific moments when the intent of getting with a guy was to fuck/be fucked.  It got to a point (at least with me) that some guys were just fine to suck but the thought of having them in my ass didn’t sit well with me and probably because his vibe didn’t feel right to me.  A lot of times, you just got caught up in the moment and wind up fucking/being fucked without this being the reason why you agreed to lie down with the other guy; I know that I’ve started out just wanting to suck dick and somewhere along the line decide that feeling him in my ass would be a wonderful adjunct to a rather lusty moment.  Even in that situation, a very soapy finger served to do a bit of cleaning as well as providing a bit of lubrication – killing two birds with one stone, if you will – and it was all good for one and all.

Of course, when HIV/AIDS hit the scene, a lot of minds got changed about fucking someone’s ass although in the early days, the fact that you could get hit with something that would sneak up on you and kill you somewhere down the road was just not to be believed… but once it became quite believable, a lot of guys were a lot more careful about doing the bareback thing; instead of it being the rule, it got to be the exception.  I think a lot of guys eschewed condoms at this point because of that weird thing of being rock hard before slipping on the raincoat… and then being as limp as overcooked spaghetti the moment you got it on.  A lot of guys learned that they were actually allergic to the condoms back then; whoo, I recall hearing a lot of guys lamenting about the horrific rashes they got.

Even in the face of a possible death sentence, a lot of guys would still go bare and simply because it just didn’t feel the same; again, there’s being able to feel him pulsing and throbbing as he cuts loose… and then there’s actually feeling sperm in your ass; it just somehow adds to one’s satisfaction to feel the spunk in there, a sentiment I’ve heard women voice over the years.

Going back to the book, I’m really gonna have to get my hands on a copy just so I can read some more of the authors’ premises; I know that from what I read of the sample, I dunno, it seems rather stereotypical in nature.  The book is illustrated and I couldn’t help but notice that all of the drawn characters have big dicks, are bearded, have tats, or are damn near hairless.  The authors state early on that they wrote this book to help gay men better deal with their sexuality but from what little the sample offered, I’m having a little difficulty figuring out how putting the obvious stereotypes (at least as I understand them) is really all that helpful.

Like this one:  Earrings.  When I first got my ears pierced, I knew that if you had it in your right ear, people would think/know that you’re gay so I had my left ear pierced first – and people still thought I was gay.  Today, I have both of my ears pierced twice, I have fourteen tattoos… and I’m still not gay… but the authors kinda lay it out that if you have piercings/tats, it’s something to be expected of gay men… and that’s just not true because I know quite a few men who are straight, homophobic, tatted and pierced.  I know a guy who has a Prince Albert… and he’s not gay either.  Just reading this part, while historically interesting, makes me wonder if the authors should get their latest edition up to date and in sync with how gay men are today and not the perception that became greatly apparent way back in 1977 when the book was originally written.

What remains constant, though, is that covered or not, men still very much suck each other’s cocks and fuck each other in the ass.  It’s gay sex… but not necessarily an indication of really being gay or even bisexual; today, doin’ the butt of another guy is just another way to get one’s rocks crushed.  I, myself, haven’t been fucked (or fucked anyone) in a while – it’s no longer my thing to do – but I do remember all those moments, painful or otherwise, of the rush of feeling a man inside me, thrusting until his cock swells and he spills his load inside of me.

Okay, I might be done… but I doubt it.


Posted by on 31 October 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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9 responses to “Doin’ Da Butt

  1. Pyx

    31 October 2013 at 17:37

    Are you sure that is not the 1977 version you are reading?

    The expanded and Revised 3rd edition has a different cover… and what i read on body image seemed quite well written and not so primitive as to say all gay men have tattoos and earings. It begins by explaining human decoration in Rome. ??? And their section on Bisexuality is clearly defined as a man that has sex with both women and men.


    • kdaddy23

      31 October 2013 at 18:50

      I’m sure that it isn’t; the one on Amazon has a picture of two (bearded) guys and says it’s the expanded third edition (I still have the downloaded sample on my tablet). And, yes, those sections say what they say… but that’s not all they say, is it? Given that I’m a bi guy, I found the authors’ premises about the behavior of bi men to be very unlike my own experiences or the experiences of other bi men that I know – but I’m not saying that they’re totally wrong in their conclusions – I just think they’re kinda funny. It’s also why I want to get my hands on the full copy of it and not base my observations solely on the sample text.

      For instance, the part that says, “With a woman, the bisexual might be fatherly and assertive, and with another man, childlike and passive.” Uh, no, I haven’t seen this in all my years of being actively bisexual. The only thing I agree with in that whole paragraph is the part about being impersonal, anonymous, and passionately animal; the rest I just find interesting. I can admit that between men who aren’t gay, being anonymous – read this as having the fear of being outed – and animalistically passionate are right on the money; I know that I do tend to behave a little differently with a man than I do with a woman and that’s because there’s a slightly different mindset in play – and don’t ask me to describe it because it’ll make me look like an idiot as I fumble for words to accurately describe it. Impersonal? Yep, I can relate to that in the sense that it jives with how bi men go about having this kind of sex – there might not be any romantic interest but the other guy is just a means to a spermy end… although this kinda goes out of the closest window when the two guys are regular fuck buddies and have gotten to know each other better over time. Even then, both guys would probably categorically deny any romantic interest in each other and chalk their continue dalliances up to “just a guy thing.”

      They tossed out the promiscuous card – that always gives me the giggles! Can’t speak for other bi guys, but if I’m promiscuous, it’s with women more than men so it’s funny; if I’m chasing skirts (and catching them) then others would see me as a major horn dog – but if I’m going after cock and cunt, then I’m promiscuous and all because I don’t discriminate when it’s time to get my jollies?

      How say you, Trips on Rocks?


  2. Pyx

    31 October 2013 at 20:25

    I would be really curious to have the first edition and the third to compare LOL

    I cannot wait till you get your hands on it because you are right, there is only so much you can read with the preview but I found it still very interesting and brought back memories of my first peek at the Joy of Sex as a child. The images were reminiscent of that as well. Have you tried the library?

    The promiscuous (casual sexually) card however is founded in science, that bisexual men tend to represent the largest number of sexually active people with reported STI’s but I often wonder if bisexual guys have a more numbers on their side because they have an active partner that understands/accepts/and is active in their sexual diversity. Not saying that a bi guy is always working to get his hands on both male and female but things must have come a long way in regards to having partners that are accepting of this: couple seeking another bi male to join. So just the number increase of partners would make sense but what socially is at work that these men are not using protection?

    Yeah the guy on guy thing is just different – the book is going to try its best to be vague and cover all its bases – but we are dealing with two male brains that are getting together for male sex… two outies… I would never assume how that even plays out! No worries you need not explain but you did just kind of express yourself and being with a guy as casual (see above) just saying. lol

    Does a bisexual man end up having sex at some point with a full out gay guy? I’m sure it happens. Like hetero men cheating is done of opportunity, so I wonder if it is the same for bisexual men? Less condoms, less prepared…???

    We should make the argument for straight/gay/ bisexual men is the frequency we get tested for sexually transmitted diseases: most married couples and a large portion of the population believe because they went to see a doctor and had blood done or a yearly checkup and did not hear otherwise that means they are in clear.
    When in fact you have to ASK to have the tests run, the doctors and lab do not do it otherwise.

    Baby boomer couples that swing have a very high number of HepC positive people and reported Chlamydia cases that go undiagnosed for years and some that do not even know they are positive – this is why swingers have higher report of risk factor amongst ‘couples’ but I think it fits with bisexual men as well if they involve a third party.

    That being said, reading from your experience as a bisexual man and from my sexual education experience, bisexual men who might not be ‘out’ as bisexual might not take the opportunity to be tested because it would expose their secret but like swingers they are dipping into a different partner pool. And you as well as me know some of them do not even want to deal with it: bisexuals are cruising/ABS and engaging is what is considered ‘high risk’ behaviours in numbers that hetero people are not. I think the social pressure for bisexual men is very real especially if both straight and gay societies are perplexed by them because the bisexual can be anyone. As a sometimes swinger I always guys if they are bi but I have to take them at their word: bi, gay or straight some people just don’t fess up.

    Unlike some communities that have active and social support for their gay and lesbian members, bisexual men might not feel as though they fit in – especially if they are fighting with the issue themselves – and this is just an example but where I live there are no free clinics, not even for women can’t imagine what it would be like for a young gay/bi guy; this isn’t San Fransisco. I could see this book as somewhat helpful vs reading peoples blogs and first person accounts – if I were a newbie – sometimes we need vague in order to not pigeon hole ourselves.

    Have you ever met guys that said ‘Oh I let guys suck my cock but I’m not bi or gay’ and he goes home to his lovely wife… it sounds like the basis for a horror story I know but the closet gay husband is no longer the big scary deal the bi guy is and it is unfair. Some ladies like to think they can tell if a guy is gay but we are fucked to figure out if he is bi.

    What I did like was the risk awareness on oral – this is for anyone having sex regardless of orientation – if you are not willing to take it in your body bare why put it in your mouth unwrapped? bisexuals transcend sexual lines: they aren’t gay, so they aren’t just guy guy and they aren’t hetero so they aren’t just fucking girls so for me it makes perfect sense how someone could have a sexual relationship with a guy or a girl.

    You can have HIV and test negative for a period of time and still give it to someone else, unfortunately the science is there but it is not perfect (just look at the porn star issue recently in Hollywood she was straight but her guy did gay porn: she tested positive and he negative first so it is a sad reality). So if you tested negative, believe that you are and engage in bare butt sex – well this would explain your first paragraph and how it is two guys who didn’t have HIV can get it – because it is a preview of the text only we might not have been able to read the whole explanation.

    What I really look forward to, as I do with most books, the index and list of quoted works, that is where the fun stuff is. It is not something I would have read had you not mentioned it, it was interesting.

    I guess for me I see bare sex regardless if it is cunt.oral or ass to be risky: so I am not thinking gay or bi as more anything because ive certainly met girls that dont use condoms but if i were a newbie reading that book I would have to say it isnt wrong from the scientific numbers standpoint though I still think it is sometimes presented in a socially biased manner.


    • kdaddy23

      31 October 2013 at 22:48

      Something I’ve found to be almost a ‘given’ is that bi men have more sex with gay men than with other bi men and I think this is because more gay men are actually out than there are other bi guys and it’s hard to find other bi guys when they’re hiding so much. Is it opportunistic? I dunno… I have to think about that for a moment.

      And, yes, I’ve met a slew of guys who have said – and with some pride I might add – that they’ve let men suck them but they aren’t bi or gay; it tends to make me roll my eyes a lot even though I’ve come to understand that this is the current mindset with some guys who’d do this with other guys. But I’ve also learned that there are a lot of guys who are willing to offer up their dick for sucking and maybe wrap it up and stick it in but because they (a) won’t suck cock and (b) won’t allow themselves to be fucked, they assume that they’re not bi and more so if he goes home after an encounter with another man and lays some serious pipe to the old lady. Yeah, sure, you’re not bi, fella…

      Yep, for me, being with a guy, with one exception, was always casual and that exception taught me to never say never. But, that’s kinda of a default, wouldn’t you say? If the sex isn’t relational, it’s casual and, okay, maybe opportunistic since we are talking casual sex so whenever everything tends to line up correctly, you go to bed with a guy and hope you both will have a good time doing whatever you’ve agreed to do.

      When you factor in the STI data, well, perhaps the joy of gay sex isn’t as joyful as it once was. Yep, bare sex with anyone and regardless to everyone’s orientation has become such a risky proposition and if I were a newbie guy trying to come to terms with my gay sexual desires, just reading the part about catching something nasty would be enough to make me want to be straight! Hell, Pyx, I can remember when the conspiracy theorists were suggesting that HIV/AIDS was a plot hatched by the moral majority to make people stop having gay and casual sex and go back to having only boy/girl married sex. The fact that so many people lost their lives in the early going kinda put that thought to bed… or I think it did, anyway. Unprotected sex is a trust issue… or it was because when it comes to these things, no one is safe…

      I will let you know when I’ve acquired the book and read it to see if there’s some joy left to be found.

      @Ribbons – I was kinda hoping that the song would get stuck in someone’s head (other than mine)!


  3. Ribbons Undone

    31 October 2013 at 20:35

    That song is in my head now…


  4. Pyx

    31 October 2013 at 23:06

    I missed something is Doin’ Da Butt a song?

    I really look forward to your book report. hehehe
    And um, feel free to draw us some new pictures eh.


    • kdaddy23

      1 November 2013 at 00:18

      Wow, you really do live in a cave, don’t you? “Da Butt,” by EU, was a hit song from the movie “School Daze” and was the shit in the clubs! – you can follow this link and listen to part of the song! You have got to be the only person I know who hasn’t heard this song!

      New pictures… okay… I’ll see what I can do about that!


  5. lifeofalovergirl

    1 November 2013 at 07:46

    Anal must be in the air. I just wrote a butt topic before even seeing this one, and I mentioned enemas too. Ha!

    Anyhow I think we have all had fear of Aids drilled into us for awhile, especially when it comes to male on male sex. So it makes sense that people are still writing that way.

    I read a blog recently where she was talking about how you can’t even donate blood if you are a woman who has ever slept with a man who has had sexual relations with a man. Im sure a book that didn’t really push condoms when it comes to gay sex would have a hard time getting published.


    • kdaddy23

      1 November 2013 at 11:58

      Yeah, I read it and commented – coincidence?



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