Let’s Talk About Being Bi

04 Nov

Yesterday, when I was suffering from a bout of diarrhea of the fingers and writing about what intercrural sex feels like, I got to thinking about all the stuff I write about being a bisexual guy and asked myself, “Where are the other bi guys that must be around here and why aren’t they adding their thoughts to the blogosphere?”

Well, actually, the question was more like, “I know I ain’t the only motherfucking bi guy writing blogs about this shit!”  And, in actuality, I’m not – I’ve peeked in on several blogs written by bi men and while they don’t really talk about the sex via theory or actual experience, they do write about the LGBT community, what they like about it and where it tends to fall short at times.

If you noticed, I don’t write about LGBT stuff; I don’t talk about pride events or the in-fighting that goes on between the Ls, Gs, Bs, and Ts; I don’t write about gender identity, the gender binary, or any concerns I might have about how the rest of the world sees me as being a bi guy.  While I may wax romantic at times on the subject – or be annoyingly passionate in my discourse, I don’t bother writing about things that would make a good psychology paper on the topic of bisexuality, you know, all those high-level, esoteric attempts to determine if being bisexual is a natural disposition that comes installed at birth or a choice that a guy can make or, gasp, have pressed upon him.

I’m not saying these things aren’t important to male bisexuals or those budding male bisexuals who are waiting for their first real experience and, clearly, there are plenty of people in the blogosphere willing to write all of this to either inform or express their own thoughts on the matter.  I tend to be a bit more… visceral, opting to bypass all that stuff and get right to the heart of what it means to be a male bisexual and from my point of view.  I write about my experiences and the things I’ve seen, heard about, and/or learned from others, not necessarily to stimulate or tease, but to let anyone who’s ever wondered what the big deal is about two guys getting together to have sex.

Yep, it bothers me that some folks has this perception of bi guys that, at least in my opinion, tries to make being bisexual about love and relationships first and foremost because while a bisexual man could find love with another man and even be in some kind of relationship with him, it seems like some folks just insist on making us gay… when we aren’t.  So while there are some nice pie-in-the-sky thoughts about being a bi guy and despite the fact that there can be a deep emotional element involved, being a bi guy is about having sex.

It’s about getting your dick sucked and, if you’re so inclined, sucking some dick; likewise, it’s about fucking and being fucked in one form or the other.  It’s about getting your rocks off and in a way that our society frowns upon for various reasons – and then daring to be different enough to buck the system and pretty much telling the folks on either side of us that, hey, while I’m sure that being straight or gay has its good points, you just don’t have any idea what you’re missing being here in the middle!

Because for some of us being bisexual is rather thought-provoking, I try to share my thoughts and feelings about the things I’ve experienced, like how it feels/what I’m thinking in the moment that I’m about to gobble down some guy’s boner, both the good and bad of it and, again, it’s not necessarily to titillate or anything like that – it’s because this stuff does happen… but not many bi guys want to talk about that and for whatever reason they may want to remain silent.

Being bisexual isn’t really all that different than being straight or gay – you can have successes and failures just like anyone else can… except maybe when you’re bi, you get a double dose of those things.  All this proves is that despite how we may like to get our cookies crumbled, we’re still people living our lives and trying to get by the best we can, again, not all that dissimilar to everyone else.

I write about being bisexual and masculine, my attempt to debunk the fact that having sex with another man makes us less masculine.  I call the spade a spade and tell whoever cares to read my scribblings that no matter how you try to sugar coat it, when you’re having sex with another man, it’s homosexual sex… but as a bisexual, that’s not the only sex we can have ’cause if it were, um, we wouldn’t be bisexual.  I even try to write down my thoughts about how being a bi dude has changed since I got introduced to it forty-nine years ago – and the dynamic has changed and in ways that I’m still trying to make sense out of, like the thug mentality or lifestyle aspect that seems to mandate that if we are truly brothers in an ongoing struggle for survival in an uncaring world, well, that we would have sex with each other is just a way to show our love as brothers.

Or the thing that strikes me the most odd – behaving like a bisexual but insisting that you’re not bisexual.  All this shit happens every moment in every day… but I’m the guy who will write about it because it just fucking needs to be done.

I talk about being bi – and often rather explicitly, because maybe you know a bi dude and you might be wondering why he’s a bi dude and you’re still wondering because it’s not like he’s likely to tell you why he loves to suck dick or the rush of passion he feels when he’s in another man’s arms or whatever he’s thinking and/or feeling when he’s being fucked or doing the fucking himself.  He might not be so revealing… but I am because understanding bisexual men is really about understanding not only what we may do but why we do it.

So when I got to wondering about that question I mentioned way back in the beginning of this, I had the thought – and not for the first time since I’ve been blogging – that maybe I’m just sharing too much, that people who might read what I’ve written look at such an in-your-face discourse about bisexual thoughts and behavior as being TMI and that maybe any other bi guys out there in the blogosphere leave out the meat of their experiences because they feel no one gives a fuck about it or, what’s more likely, they have some privacy issues going on that won’t allow them to expound on what they feel or think in the moment that a man ejacualates into their mouth and whether those thoughts/feelings are good, bad, or indifferent.

After all, it’s not easy to talk about sex, let alone you own sex life.  Recent discussions about sex bloggers brought up the question about too much sharing and it’s not an invalid question.  But since I started this blog and made the decision to talk about this aspect of my life and sexual life, there’s just no way to talk about a subject that’s so near and dear to my heart and leave out the juicy details or, yeah, even the bad parts and the misgivings I’ve had along the way.

Being bisexual isn’t just about what you do when you get naked with a man or a woman – it’s really about how you see yourself because of the way you scratch your different itches and, if anything, that’s what I try to put out there when I write about this.  I write to illustrate that despite what others may think, there is no shame in being bisexual, that it doesn’t make you some weirdo and that even though some aspects of society continue to try to put bisexuals into either the straight or gay box, there is a middle ground to stand upon… or lie upon, if you will.  We exist… we’ve always existed.  There’s a shroud of mystery that surrounds bisexual men and when I talk about being bi, it’s my attempt to remove said shroud and show anyone who cares to pay attention that even though I love to suck cock and have done a lot of the ‘usual’ stuff, it doesn’t really make me any different than any other guy.

In my old age, I’ve really come to understand what it means to be bisexual and while the dynamic has changed over the years, I see that the only thing that has really changed is what people think about being bisexual; otherwise, it’s still about sucking dick, being sucked, getting fucked in the ass, and returning the favor in that regard.  Whether being bisexual is some predetermined thing or a choice is something that’s worthy of debate… but that doesn’t really matter (at least not in my opinion).  What does matter are the things one can experience in this – and not just the good things that can happen.  Again, it’s not about trying to get people excited… but it is about trying to illustrate that bisexuals are just as human as everyone else is and that, at times, we don’t always make good or smart decisions when we decide to climb over the fence and check out the homosexual side of the equation.

And I’m the bi guy who has no qualms about telling you about these things as I’ve experienced them.  I want to let other bi guys know through my writings on the subject that if I have no shame in my game, they don’t have to have any either.  Sure, they don’t have to be as, ah, vocal as I am about it but when you talk about being bi, it’s about owning the process and being able to ‘customize’ your bisexuality to fit your needs instead of allowing one’s self to be shoehorned into the long-standing stereotypes.

I talk about it in the way that I do because if I don’t, who will?  I believe that there are people who want to know the juicy details and read about all the times I goofed up in this; I believe there are people who want to understand that being bisexual isn’t about being driven by one’s libido, that there is some intelligence and even a bit of common sense that plays into why we do what we do… but, yeah, there are some times when being wise and smart go totally by the wayside when hard dicks are involved.

Methinks I’m ready for more coffee right about now but before I go, I’ll once again extend the offer to one and all that if you have questions about being a bi guy, feel free to ask me because it really is better to find out from someone who knows than it is to accept the stereotypes and other misconceptions and, thus, be somewhat misinformed.

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Posted by on 4 November 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


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