This is for anyone who is bisexual, who thinks they may be bisexual and, yeah, even those folks who behave or think like bisexuals but prefer the word heteroflexible: At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what word you use to describe what you think, feel, and/or do when it comes to engaging with someone who is the same sex as you are.
Yeah, yeah, the argument about labels can crop up… but labels exist so that something can be identified and categorized – but it doesn’t mean that a label should shoehorn you into a behavior that doesn’t fit the way you want to behave when it comes to this.
At the end of the day, if no one else knows this about you, you know it, dontcha? Maybe you struggle with this knowledge and maybe knowing this about yourself is as normal as breathing is… but you still know that when you look at or think about a member of the same sex, you feel something. Maybe it’s just lust or perhaps things run a little deeper within you… but you feel it, dontcha? You know it’s there just like you know what those around you could possible call this thing that you’re feeling. Maybe they approve of this part of you… and maybe your life would be easier if they didn’t know…
But at the end of the day, you know.
Maybe you want to do something about this, ya know, just go ahead and take the plunge to find out once and for all what it’s like to lie naked with someone who, at the least – and gender identity notwithstanding – has the same kind of sexual equipment you have. Maybe you just want to make out with them and all thoughts of getting to second or third base are held in abeyance – and why this might be doesn’t matter as long as it fits the way you want to express yourself in this. Maybe you’re just tickled pink to be able to entertain thoughts about taking said plunge, that your situation or other factors aren’t going to allow you to do those things that you’ve heard others like you get a kick out of doing.
And at the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing nothing about the way you feel because while a lot of the hype about being bi or HF is about whatever sex you deign to have, it’s still so very much about how you feel about it, the things that excite you, that piques your curiosity and, yes, even scare the living daylights out of you because until the day comes that you actually have that experience, the unknown is pretty fucking scary.
At the end of the day, only you know what you’re gonna do… or what’s gonna sit on the shelf for however long it has to sit there.
At the end of the day, it’s really about being true to yourself and that perception of self, embracing your desire for affection and even physical satisfaction in a way that our society has been slow to embrace. It’s about you, what you want and need for your fulfillment and while the opinions of other can and do play into such ruminations, at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what is best for you, whether you call yourself bisexual or heteroflexible.
At the end of the day, you know – or you should have a damned good idea – that walking this path isn’t an easy one. Maybe you’re already in a heterosexual and monogamous relationship and you are bound by your personal code of ethics to not stray in any way, keeping yourself true to the one you’ve bound yourself to either by mutual consent or the vows of marriage. Perhaps you’re single, without any such attachments… but trying to search through the multitudes to find the one that can not only understand your unconventional urges but are also willing to help you attend them. I myself know that the biggest problem about being bisexual is finding someone suitable to be bisexual with.
At the end of the day, it’s not about what you do; it’s not about how often you may do it or whatever situation that occurs that will allow you to do the things that, perhaps, you’ve only dreamed of doing… or those things you find exciting and enjoyable because you’ve been there, done that. It is, if nothing else, simply a matter of if you can, you will – and if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
At the end of the day, it’s about understanding that not every bisexual or heteroflexible truly fits the general description – we all don’t do what everyone thinks we’re doing. We tailor the description and any actions that could go along with said description to fit our needs and not so much the needs of others. Every bisexual or heteroflexible has a first time and, from there, it’s about finding the things that you enjoy, the things you can or cannot do and, at the end of the day, learning along the way that which satisfies whatever urges that have now become a part of you.
From my own experiences – and since I don’t mind sharing them with all of you – I have had people question whether or not I’m really bisexual because there are things that I won’t do and while I used to do the anal sex thing as a matter of course, it’s long since been taken of my sexual menu. My naysayers proclaim that because I won’t kiss a guy or let him fuck me, I’m not bisexual because as far as they are concerned, this is what all bisexuals do.
At the end of my day, I say they’re all full of shit because it never was about whatever they think I should be doing – it’s merely about doing the things I’ve learned through trial and error that are pleasing to me and through this process, I’ve owned the process that is my sexuality – I’ve made it my own – and no one can or will define it for me and more so if they don’t have what it takes to walk in my bisexual shoes.
At the end of your day, it’s up to you to define and own your sexuality and regardless to what you care to call it; at the end of the day, this is the most important thing you can do about this.