Not quite on the heels of “Out of the Blue” comes some thoughts about why guys on male sex sites probably spend more time being unlucky than getting lucky: No one ever told them that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar – and this is probably just as true when dealing with other “dating” sites and when the sex is about boys and girls.
When I was way younger than I am now, you didn’t have to say a lot to me in order to get into my underwear – it was as simple as, “Hey, do you wanna do it?” or even simpler; all one had to do was pull out their cock and provided the time and place was right, it would be on. As I got older, I found that I could be as finicky about it as women are about sex; crowing about your prowess only gets you a weird or disinterested look while kicking some nice game will get my attention and more so if there’s some intelligence mixed in as well as a large dollop of honesty because, like women, I learned to sense the dumb shit that often resides under the sweetest of words.
I don’t know if a guy’s behavior in this is borne out of desperation or if they have issues with instant gratification, you know, not having the patience to verbally seduce someone. Perhaps they feel that since they’re trying to get some dick, cutting right to the chase works the best? I learned over the years that a lot of, ah, formerly straight guys get into sex with other men because you usually don’t have to woo the other guy, take him to dinner, buy him flowers, or other stuff like that. In other words, other men tend to be easier to have sex with because it usually takes a lot less work to get him to say, “Okay – let’s do this, bro!”
It’s the thing that when I’m talking to others about guy-on-guy sex makes me say that men are a lot more no-nonsense about the whole thing – no offense to any women reading this. But, as I got even older, I found that cutting to the chase doesn’t always work; I found myself becoming quite particular about who I said yes to and then it wasn’t as much a thing of what they said as it was how they were saying it. Come at me with a cocky, aggressive, and arrogant tone and you’ll be summarily ignored; question my masculinity – as in if I don’t want to have sex with them, I must not be a real man – and they should be thankful that I can’t reach out and touch them… and in a very unkind way.
Wanna compare cock sizes? Nope, I’m not gonna be very impressed and more so since when I look at your profile – and the part where you put down the size of your dick – nah, mine’s bigger, homey but, unlike you, I learned early on in the game that the size of a guy’s dick isn’t a guarantee that he’s good at using it. Telling me how much you’d love to fuck me will get you instantly ignored; um, what part of my profile that says I don’t do anal didn’t you understand? Oh, wait, my bad – I just assumed that you can read…
And I thought my grown-up pickiness was just me until I found out that I’m really not the only guy who gets totally turned off because of unintelligent shit like this; on that site, I often run across guys who readily agree that the lack of couth on this site (and others like it) is deplorable and shameful… and all because they haven’t learned something that I learned (kinda the hard way) when I was a little kid: If you ask nicely, you might get what you’re asking for, “might” being the operative word here.
Honesty works with me… but I don’t think that these guys even understand that as a bisexual, I also deal with women so trying to run some bullshit past me just ain’t gonna work… because I’ve learned the hard way that it doesn’t work with da ladies; that and I’ve been around the block so many times I pretty much own it. I don’t have a lot of tolerance or patience with the current thug mentality; likewise, if you’re whiny, eh, you’re not going to get any sympathy from me because I know all too well how tough it is to find the right guy to have sex with so acting like a little bitch – or in any way trying to imply that you’d like for me to be your bitch – isn’t going to work; you’ll only succeed in pissing me off. To that end, I don’t know what some of these guys are thinking because despite my having this love of sucking dick, I’m still very much male and a man and I can get ignorant and violent with the best of them.
The bothersome thing is that I see more twenty-something guys behaving in this manner than older dudes – and some of them must have skipped “nice class” back in the youth but, thankfully, not all of them. Older guys are still kinda matter-of-fact and no-nonsense but they’re more along the lines of, “Look, to be honest with you, I’m just looking for a decent guy to (add what he’s looking for here) and a lot of these dudes are just assholes…” Which is true, of course – been seeing that for myself and maybe it’s because these younger guys are more about whatever it is they want to do and not so much about what the other guy might be interested in, like their desires have some sort of priority over the object of their momentary lust.
I look at it like this: If you can’t read the profile before you decide to leave me a message, I don’t have time for you because whether you believe this or not, this says some uncool things about you. For example, a message I got a few minutes ago where the guy said – and using that very annoying shorthand – said that he thought my profile was hot and that he’d love to fuck me in the ass. What, does he have selective eyesight or something? That says to me that you’re obviously thinking with the little head and, thus, you’ve told me something about you that I find undesirable.
Indeed, I’ve become so picky that if you send me a message that’s not a complete sentence, I’m not going to pay much attention to you… even though I will take into consideration that you might be on a cell phone and your texting plan/data usage budget might not be able to handle whole and intelligent sentences… but that’s your problem and not mine so it’s on to the next message. If you start acting as if I have to drop whatever I’m doing to accommodate you, we’re gonna have a problem because I don’t ask “how high?” when someone tries to tell me to jump. So if you get pissed off because I tell you that I’m not looking to do anything right now (or tonight or whatever), you can go have a seat with the other guys I’ve shut down and kicked to the curb.
Here’s the disturbing thing, at least in my opinion: If women think men behave badly when it comes to asking for sex, they’re even worse than they can imagine when they want to get off with another dude. A lot of them just assume that because they’re a guy and you’re a guy and we’re both on this site that breaking a few fingers to pull my underwear down for them is a given, that because they asked, I – or any other dude in their right mind – have to comply with their wishes right then and there and in the way that’s gonna make them the happiest and if you don’t, well, you’re not a real man, you’re fake, shit like that.
It shows a sort of ignorance that I just cannot abide by or tolerate; it lacks class, sophistication, and even tact. Sure, it’s about the sex which is damned hard to come by as it is… but why make it harder by being a total asshole about it? Ask nicely and you might get what you’re looking for (or what I’m willing to give you); bring the vinegar and I’m reaching for my fly swatter…