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How It Works

19 Nov

Okay, this is the second time I’ve started this writing, based on something Pyx said about hearing about man-on-man sex, then sex with women… but nothing about how it works in unison.  I know some bi guys who are swingers that happily indulge themselves alongside their wives and, yep, I’ve done it a few times in my life and it can be pretty exciting and especially when your lady has that first chance to watch you do something that only straight women and gay men are known to do and like.

How and why these things work all depends on the couple… but in my experiences, that you can be side-by-side with your lady while you’re working over a nice, hard dick is the exception and not the rule because if you’re a bi guy in a relationship with a woman and she now knows that you are bi, you are now expected, required and demanded to never, ever, indulge yourself with another man as long as the relationship exists.

Period.  Finito.  End of discussion; now, what do you want for dinner, hon?

The reason why you never see it happening as a unified front is that while a lot of women can accept the fact that their guy likes dick as much as they do, they rarely want to see it for themselves.  I’ve asked why not and the best answers I’ve ever gotten have been, “I don’t need to see it…” or “I don’t want to see it…” and I know I’ve tried to figure it out for myself and, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever come close to figuring it out.  You just accept the fact that they don’t, be grateful that they didn’t dump you right on the spot, and life goes on… kinda.

Because now that she knows that you’re bi and have done things with guys in the past, everything you’ve done since you met her is now going to be suspect.  Have you been with any guys since we’ve been together?  How do I know that when we’re making love, you’re not thinking about some dude or wishing you were with a guy instead of me?  Do you really like the sex that we have?  Do you like men more than do you me?

And even if she doesn’t ask these questions, they will be on her mind.  Acceptance and even understanding are very different from both people getting together to explore the many possibilities.  How it works is that, usually, it doesn’t.

Okay, a trip down memory lane.  The first time my wife saw me suck dick, I was quite nervous because I really wasn’t sure how she’d react; saying that she wouldn’t react badly is one thing but it’s very different when you actually see it.  We even took turns sucking the guy right along with his lady and the rest of that sexy evening went amazingly smooth.  Later, when they had gone home, we lay in bed and talked about all that had taken place; I asked her what she thought about seeing me sucking another man’s dick and, I swear, the first thing she said was, “You can do better!”  She admitted that she was surprised because she didn’t think I was going to do what I said I would – and I could understand that.

There were four other times when we played with other people and I was able to have some fun with the other guy’s dick but at this point, the novelty had worn off.  At the point our marriage went open, the ‘rules’ kinda changed:  If I ran across a guy and we did something, it was cool but the “don’t bring anything home” rule was in full effect as was our full disclosure rule – as soon as I got home from my ‘date’ I had to tell her all of the juicy details as well as what I was thinking and feeling.

So even when she wasn’t right there watching me do my thing, there was unity of a kind in that I’d share my experiences with her.  When I told her about falling in love with the guy who was living with us temporarily, I really thought she was going to lose her mind; instead, she said that, for one, she had suspected as much and, for the other, she thought it was cute.

Skipping ahead a whole lot of years, poly wife #1 never wanted to see me do it and wasn’t interested in hearing about it – but I knew she didn’t like the fact that I sucked dick just like I knew that she knew there wasn’t much she could do about it other than voicing her objections from time to time.  Poly wife #2 had mentioned that she wanted to actually see me do it… but it could never be arranged.

My current lady and fiancée was not only unusually excited to learn that I was bi but couldn’t wait to see me polishing some guy’s knob; at one point, while I was doing my thing, I looked to the side to find her face close enough to the action that I could have kissed her!  While there were things about that encounter that could have gone better, when we got home and talked about the encounter, when we got to the part about my cock sucking, she broke out in a beautiful smile and said, “That shit was so hot!”

The next chance she would get to see me in action got ruined by some folks bogarting a pre-swinger’s party moment we were having with our hosts and I don’t know who was more disappointed – but I think she was.  The last time she got to see me do it, well, that moment could have gone better, too, but I could feel that she had a sense of pride watching me work the other guy’s cock over not once but twice and loved the fact that I was all ready to blow him away a third time… but he was unable to continue.

Do other bi guys get to share this side of their sexuality with their woman?  Like I said, a few swinging bi guys I know have but, for the most part, that’s not usually the case; rare is the woman who will actually encourage her man to do his thing with another guy, let alone be right there with him as he’s doing it.  I’m not saying that it never happens but, yeah, it’s not something you’re gonna hear about as a matter of course.

In a perfect world, Pyx, let’s say your husband could be bisexual, you would totally accept his sexuality, and then you’d start making plans with him to involve yourself in that part of his life as much as you possibly could… but would you really do that?  Rhetorical question ’cause I think that not only would you dive in head first along with him, you’d take charge of things and make this happen as much as he could stand it… but I could be wrong.  What I have learned is that most women wouldn’t.

But a lot of bi guys don’t live in that perfect world; we’re lucky if we even get close to being in the same neighborhood because being male and bisexual and in a relationship with a woman usually means that the only unity taking place is him not doing his bisexual thing so that his woman doesn’t get pissed off and leave him.  Indeed, while women might be against watching her man having a field day at having sex with another man, there are bi guys who just shrivel up at the thought of his woman – or any woman, for that fact – watching him suck dick.

I’ve asked a few guys I know if they’d let their woman watch if she wanted to and they all said that they wouldn’t; as one guy put it, “Naw, man, that would be too weird!”  I found his answer interesting because I knew (and because he told me) that he could be in a room full of men and be sucking dick and it wouldn’t bother him one bit – one of those “go figure” moments.

So not only does this unity not happen as a matter of course, it’s most likely not to happen because some women are just funny about this – and so are some men.  And, then again, here’s another contributor to any missing signs of this unity:  Getting men and/or women to talk about it one way or the other.  The reason for this is kinda clear – even if we’ve stepped out of the box when it comes to this, sex is still too private of a thing to discuss and especially to literal strangers and then the risk of discovery of a guy’s bisexuality is too great; chances are good that there are bi guys here on WordPress who are writing blogs about their thoughts and feelings and not so much their actual experiences – and no one knows that he’s even writing about that side of him.

There are probably women who have watched their man giving another guy head… but they’re never gonna mention it on a blog and most likely due to privacy issues.

I haven’t written a whole lot about this unity because there’s not a lot to write about; as a male bisexual, I have spent more of my relationship life in a non-unified mode of operation; they knew I was bi but other than having that knowledge, all other bets were off.  Hell and damnation, it’s hard enough getting some men to admit that they’re bi, let alone discuss anything they might be doing about it and how they’re handling their relationship with girlfriend – read this as whether or not she knows that he’s bi and very much active.

Just as in having an open relationship, being swingers, or going poly, you have to be a really special person with a special mindset in order to take the sex that you’re having with your partner and merging it with any gay sex that’s going on.  Oh, sure, us guys just love the thought of the FMF threesome where both women are bisexual… but how many of us are hyped about the MFM threesome and because we’re going to get to suck some dick (or engage in some other form of man-sex)?  Yes, it does happen… but it’s the exception rather than the rule.

So how does it work?  It usually doesn’t unless both people are forward-thinking enough to take either person’s bisexuality to the next levels, first by allowing each other to have same-sex experiences and then working on having them together – which makes sense in that if you’re a bi guy, you and your woman have a few more things in common, right?

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 19 November 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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4 responses to “How It Works

  1. lifeofalovergirl

    21 November 2013 at 00:24

    I’ve always kind of wondered what it would be like to watch two men have sex. On one hand it sounds hot but there is also a little fear. I think if it was a guy I really liked I might be worried that he liked man sex better than what I could give him. Im curious but I would also not so much want to watch strangers as a guy I liked because I might just enjoy seeing him get off but someone I didn’t know it might be different. I guess I’ll never know if id really like it or be turned off unless I actually see it sometime.

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    • kdaddy23

      21 November 2013 at 00:44

      That kinda goes hand-in-hand with the attitude some women have about their guy being bi: “Does he (or will he) like having sex with men more than with me?” I’d have to say that probably the easiest way to lose your cherry on this one is to keep in mind that what they’re doing isn’t about you. Sure you could join in and get all in the mix and get yourself some of the action but if you were just watching, all you have to do is just sit back and watch and think more about the sex than the fact that there are two guys, say, sucking the living daylights out of each other.

      I’ve heard that some women who think they might want to see this have watched gay porn just to get an idea of what two guys are capable of doing with each other… that’s if they can watch porn without freaking out.

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  2. Pyx

    21 November 2013 at 21:19

    I can certainly understand the logistics and as a hetero woman that enjoys cock – I could see how some women could equate their man liking cock with homosexuality. Certainly it is interesting to point out that though some men have the fantasy of watching his woman with another woman (and some of them want to be in the middle) the fears with two men seem to be the same: this could lead to rejection, disgust, and blow shit up!

    You are however right, it is rare that I have read blogs written by men or by women that detail the work, communication, logistics, emotions and whole endeavor when involving another man – good or bad, so I have to ask I wonder why it is that male bisexuality still remains this very private personal thing to keep away from women when we ladies are expected to put on a show for some guys.

    You have written in the past some very hard line views in regards to bisexual vs gay arguments, particularly your opinions in regard to people who identify as hetero-flexible so expect this to come back up – I do have a few more entries to read lol – because I guess right now my first questions is: do you see yourself as accepting, perhaps not by title or role, but by the act alone.

    (you are anti flexible but they are guys who are out there sucking cock too)

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    • kdaddy23

      21 November 2013 at 22:49

      In no particular order, I don’t object to the actions – I object to the word and the context in which it is used. I’ve had several people explain to me what being flexible means to them… and I just don’t see how that is different than being bisexual. But, at the end of the day, it’s all about what works for them and that’s to be respected even though I tend to disagree with the nomenclature. What I’ve always known about this is that it doesn’t matter when you do it or how you do it – it’s that you do it, period. It doesn’t matter if you are 90% pussy and only 10% dick; it’s simply and merely about the fact that if you can do it – and by whatever criteria you use to figure that out – you’re gonna do it. It’s not about being into a guy like he’d be into his lady or any other woman, either so saying that “I don’t like men like that” isn’t a valid excuse – and that’s not just my opinion but it is one I agree with. It’s not about being in a relationship with another man and more so if you’re already in a relationship with a woman – there is no requirement to have sex with a man that calls for being in a relationship with him; even gay men don’t roll like that in every case. Hell, it’s not even about what, if anything, you might do; I know bi guys who are happier than peas in a pod just cuddling with another guy and never having sex with him; I know guys who love being jerked off by other men… but anything else isn’t necessarily something they’d be interested in doing.

      Sometimes I think that people have the impression that bi guys do all of the things gay guys do ALL of the time, up to and including falling in love with each other so by using the word heteroflexible, they’re trying to put some distance between themselves and this perception – and the logic, as well as the perception, is flawed. Or, as Mr. Spock once said, “A difference that makes no difference is no difference…” Shit, Pyx, if you’re bisexual, the flexibility is implied! And, really, using the hetero prefix is their way of emphasising their heterosexuality (liking pussy more) which, again, doesn’t mean a whole lot because, duh, the only time I’m having homosexual sex is when I’m with another man; otherwise, my sex is all with women primarily and predominantly. Likewise, the only time I’m truly having bisexual sex is if I’m in bed with a woman and another bi guy and the three of us are trashing each other.

      I see so many people using this term and stating their default preference for sex and, okay, I get that because where guys are concerned, I’m no different than they are – my default preference is for pussy, too… but if I can get some dick, sure, why not? Maybe it’s all just semantics but I also think that for some, it’s a great way to escape the “bisexual” label since there’s a lot of angst against the word and what it implies. So many people are of a mind that actions speak louder than words – except for this; then what they say they conflicts with their actual actions. You say you’re heteroflexible… but you’ll suck dick when you can and wreck shop on some pussy – just like a bisexual guy would. To me, this is like how my people reacted to Negro versus African-American versus Black; for some of us, there’s no difference between these labels – and “negro” is the word for the color black in quite a few languages so, again, no difference. But where the only difference lay was that you could call someone a Negro and they’d get bent out of shape – but not over the really inaccurate African-American label and since not all of us agree that this is a ‘proper’ label, eh, calling us Black works… sometimes.

      So if it’s possible to be heteroflexible, is it possible to be homoflexible? Damned if I know; I’ve never heard of a gay man who liked pussy.

      But I digress – again.

      If you’re a guy and you like cock, it is homosexual behavior – there’s just no two ways about this. The issue, though, is that the act is confused with the lifestyle: If only gay guys like dick and a guy who says he isn’t gay likes dick, then he really must be gay… and the logic of this is greatly and terribly flawed because if there’s an emotional part as well as a physical part to being gay, there are a lot of us who like the physical part more than the emotional part… and we like pussy and this alone should tell folks that the guy isn’t gay.

      Why is it private and personal? Because of the stigma attached to being bi, the fear of rejection by loved ones and peers, having to face a lot of the same prejudices that gay men have to face as well as the physical dangers because, in some circles, it doesn’t matter if the guy has a girlfriend and is boning her three times a day; if he’s partaking of another man’s dick, he gay and, thus, a threat. Because of the risk of loss and rejection – and you know we don’t do rejection well – is there any wonder why so many bi men are so far into the closet that their own ladies don’t know that they’re bi? I can tell you that just the shit storm that can hit category five level alone is enough to make a guy wish he never told her he was bi – been there, done that one, too. Now, on to the double standard…

      For a lot of men, there’s is nothing hotter than seeing two women making love except maybe being in bed with them while they’re doing it. I’ve seen it and have been that guy in the bed while the gals got busy, with me being all up close and personal and what makes it so damned sexy is that it’s clear – at least to me – that women do know how to make love to another woman in ways that men can’t even come close to duplicating. It’s just damned sexy and sensual to watch, hands down. Having said that, just the thought of two men making love just instantly turns people off – because we’ve all be told that despite the obvious evidence, men aren’t supposed to make love to each other and, as such, it isn’t sexy. I’ve heard bi women raise hell with their man about that double standard – it’s okay for her to be bi but ask him to give it a try because she thinks it’s a huge turn on and nine times out of ten, he’s gonna balk – it’s started some interesting arguments, too.

      So if a relationship is about being fair and equal, if he expects her to put on a show like that, why shouldn’t he put on one for her? Eh, people are just funny like that.

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