Okay, this is the second time I’ve started this writing, based on something Pyx said about hearing about man-on-man sex, then sex with women… but nothing about how it works in unison. I know some bi guys who are swingers that happily indulge themselves alongside their wives and, yep, I’ve done it a few times in my life and it can be pretty exciting and especially when your lady has that first chance to watch you do something that only straight women and gay men are known to do and like.
How and why these things work all depends on the couple… but in my experiences, that you can be side-by-side with your lady while you’re working over a nice, hard dick is the exception and not the rule because if you’re a bi guy in a relationship with a woman and she now knows that you are bi, you are now expected, required and demanded to never, ever, indulge yourself with another man as long as the relationship exists.
Period. Finito. End of discussion; now, what do you want for dinner, hon?
The reason why you never see it happening as a unified front is that while a lot of women can accept the fact that their guy likes dick as much as they do, they rarely want to see it for themselves. I’ve asked why not and the best answers I’ve ever gotten have been, “I don’t need to see it…” or “I don’t want to see it…” and I know I’ve tried to figure it out for myself and, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever come close to figuring it out. You just accept the fact that they don’t, be grateful that they didn’t dump you right on the spot, and life goes on… kinda.
Because now that she knows that you’re bi and have done things with guys in the past, everything you’ve done since you met her is now going to be suspect. Have you been with any guys since we’ve been together? How do I know that when we’re making love, you’re not thinking about some dude or wishing you were with a guy instead of me? Do you really like the sex that we have? Do you like men more than do you me?
And even if she doesn’t ask these questions, they will be on her mind. Acceptance and even understanding are very different from both people getting together to explore the many possibilities. How it works is that, usually, it doesn’t.
Okay, a trip down memory lane. The first time my wife saw me suck dick, I was quite nervous because I really wasn’t sure how she’d react; saying that she wouldn’t react badly is one thing but it’s very different when you actually see it. We even took turns sucking the guy right along with his lady and the rest of that sexy evening went amazingly smooth. Later, when they had gone home, we lay in bed and talked about all that had taken place; I asked her what she thought about seeing me sucking another man’s dick and, I swear, the first thing she said was, “You can do better!” She admitted that she was surprised because she didn’t think I was going to do what I said I would – and I could understand that.
There were four other times when we played with other people and I was able to have some fun with the other guy’s dick but at this point, the novelty had worn off. At the point our marriage went open, the ‘rules’ kinda changed: If I ran across a guy and we did something, it was cool but the “don’t bring anything home” rule was in full effect as was our full disclosure rule – as soon as I got home from my ‘date’ I had to tell her all of the juicy details as well as what I was thinking and feeling.
So even when she wasn’t right there watching me do my thing, there was unity of a kind in that I’d share my experiences with her. When I told her about falling in love with the guy who was living with us temporarily, I really thought she was going to lose her mind; instead, she said that, for one, she had suspected as much and, for the other, she thought it was cute.
Skipping ahead a whole lot of years, poly wife #1 never wanted to see me do it and wasn’t interested in hearing about it – but I knew she didn’t like the fact that I sucked dick just like I knew that she knew there wasn’t much she could do about it other than voicing her objections from time to time. Poly wife #2 had mentioned that she wanted to actually see me do it… but it could never be arranged.
My current lady and fiancée was not only unusually excited to learn that I was bi but couldn’t wait to see me polishing some guy’s knob; at one point, while I was doing my thing, I looked to the side to find her face close enough to the action that I could have kissed her! While there were things about that encounter that could have gone better, when we got home and talked about the encounter, when we got to the part about my cock sucking, she broke out in a beautiful smile and said, “That shit was so hot!”
The next chance she would get to see me in action got ruined by some folks bogarting a pre-swinger’s party moment we were having with our hosts and I don’t know who was more disappointed – but I think she was. The last time she got to see me do it, well, that moment could have gone better, too, but I could feel that she had a sense of pride watching me work the other guy’s cock over not once but twice and loved the fact that I was all ready to blow him away a third time… but he was unable to continue.
Do other bi guys get to share this side of their sexuality with their woman? Like I said, a few swinging bi guys I know have but, for the most part, that’s not usually the case; rare is the woman who will actually encourage her man to do his thing with another guy, let alone be right there with him as he’s doing it. I’m not saying that it never happens but, yeah, it’s not something you’re gonna hear about as a matter of course.
In a perfect world, Pyx, let’s say your husband could be bisexual, you would totally accept his sexuality, and then you’d start making plans with him to involve yourself in that part of his life as much as you possibly could… but would you really do that? Rhetorical question ’cause I think that not only would you dive in head first along with him, you’d take charge of things and make this happen as much as he could stand it… but I could be wrong. What I have learned is that most women wouldn’t.
But a lot of bi guys don’t live in that perfect world; we’re lucky if we even get close to being in the same neighborhood because being male and bisexual and in a relationship with a woman usually means that the only unity taking place is him not doing his bisexual thing so that his woman doesn’t get pissed off and leave him. Indeed, while women might be against watching her man having a field day at having sex with another man, there are bi guys who just shrivel up at the thought of his woman – or any woman, for that fact – watching him suck dick.
I’ve asked a few guys I know if they’d let their woman watch if she wanted to and they all said that they wouldn’t; as one guy put it, “Naw, man, that would be too weird!” I found his answer interesting because I knew (and because he told me) that he could be in a room full of men and be sucking dick and it wouldn’t bother him one bit – one of those “go figure” moments.
So not only does this unity not happen as a matter of course, it’s most likely not to happen because some women are just funny about this – and so are some men. And, then again, here’s another contributor to any missing signs of this unity: Getting men and/or women to talk about it one way or the other. The reason for this is kinda clear – even if we’ve stepped out of the box when it comes to this, sex is still too private of a thing to discuss and especially to literal strangers and then the risk of discovery of a guy’s bisexuality is too great; chances are good that there are bi guys here on WordPress who are writing blogs about their thoughts and feelings and not so much their actual experiences – and no one knows that he’s even writing about that side of him.
There are probably women who have watched their man giving another guy head… but they’re never gonna mention it on a blog and most likely due to privacy issues.
I haven’t written a whole lot about this unity because there’s not a lot to write about; as a male bisexual, I have spent more of my relationship life in a non-unified mode of operation; they knew I was bi but other than having that knowledge, all other bets were off. Hell and damnation, it’s hard enough getting some men to admit that they’re bi, let alone discuss anything they might be doing about it and how they’re handling their relationship with girlfriend – read this as whether or not she knows that he’s bi and very much active.
Just as in having an open relationship, being swingers, or going poly, you have to be a really special person with a special mindset in order to take the sex that you’re having with your partner and merging it with any gay sex that’s going on. Oh, sure, us guys just love the thought of the FMF threesome where both women are bisexual… but how many of us are hyped about the MFM threesome and because we’re going to get to suck some dick (or engage in some other form of man-sex)? Yes, it does happen… but it’s the exception rather than the rule.
So how does it work? It usually doesn’t unless both people are forward-thinking enough to take either person’s bisexuality to the next levels, first by allowing each other to have same-sex experiences and then working on having them together – which makes sense in that if you’re a bi guy, you and your woman have a few more things in common, right?