Pyx… damned woman! She asked another question: How could I, a Black male bisexual, change the world? The question was a good one and the off-the-cuff answer is that as a single person, I cannot hope to effect changes in attitude about bisexuality on a global scale.
But what I can do is speak out about it and to anyone who cares to listen; I can answer questions that I have the answers to and to all who care to ask them. I can even provide that first experience to those who want to cut to the chase, skip all the theory, and gain knowledge through the tried and true process of experience. And, in my own way, that’s what I’ve been doing for decades, finding some way to let people know that we sure as shit exist, that we’re not confused gay men, or a lot of the other negative things that exist where the bisexual man is concerned. We are legion… but because we aren’t wont to step into the light as our gay brethren have done and shake our fists at the unfair treatment that gets heaped upon those who are not straight, we’re a myth, a mystery, a conundrum, and about as enigmatic as things get. For example…
I was on a business trip and met a guy at the bar; I don’t know why he was there but I had one of those rare moments where I needed a drink after all the bullshit I had to go through to get to my destination. Since we were the only two guests at the bar, talking to each other was just the decent thing to do and after three or four Scotch and ginger ales (twist of lemon, thank you) and Lord knows how many Tom Collins’ he had before I got there, we both revealed that we were kindred spirits: We were both bisexual.
Once we dumped this revelation on each other – and he spilt the beans first – he was stunned and in the couple of seconds it took for him to regain his composure, I couldn’t figure out why he was so surprised… and then he told me that as far as he knew, there was no such thing as a bisexual Black man. You’d think that would be one of those “Duh!” moments, wouldn’t you? But it really wasn’t because he, as a bisexual, not only had never encountered one, he had never heard of one.
And, yeah, if you’re wondering, we did go to my room and find out how bisexual we both were. During a break in the action, he told me about the stereotype we’ve all probably heard a million or more times: Black men are homophobic – well, for the most part since he was aware of gay Black men and then only those he’d see on pornos… but to actually be in bed with a Black guy who liked dick and pussy? Unheard of!
I have met guys who couldn’t believe that there are men who love pussy… but they love dick in some way as well, men who act as if they’re gay but, no, that’s not really the truth. But I let them know that, yeah, such men do exist, by word or by deed, to let them know that you don’t have to put a price on your sexual happiness, that there are other pleasures to be had other than that wonderful stuff we call pussy; that’s there’s really no shame in sucking another man’s dick or having a guy suck theirs and, if it struck their fancy, no real shame in fucking another man or being fucked in return.
To put it to them in no uncertain terms that while you might be having gay sex when it comes to men, it by no means makes you gay which, of course, is a very real fear for a lot of men (their religious beliefs notwithstanding). Some of them get it and some don’t but if they didn’t know, now they know even if they didn’t want to find out first hand.
I spent a lot of time in MSN chat rooms (when they had the grown-up rooms) talking to and even advising married men who felt they were bisexual but weren’t able to pull the trigger, talking to them about the difficulties in coming out, what it’s like to suck dick or be fucked for the first time – I even found some stuff that would tell those who asked how to suck cock in some rather lurid detail for those who wanted to know what to do but were far away from that first encounter with another man.
I even had a very long discussion with a priest who was bisexual and didn’t believe it conflicted with his religious duty or calling – it was educational like you wouldn’t have believed. I learned a lot of stuff through these interactions with these men who, in turn, learned a lot from me – that Black bisexual dude who was thought to be nonexistent because we’re all homophobic.
Man, I was so pissed when MSN took those adult chat rooms away! But it wasn’t until I found myself on a swinger site forum and debating the pros and cons of being a male bisexual and a swinger that I started to feel as if I was on a mission of some kind to dispel the myths and cut through all of the bullshit you hear about bi guys and, most of all, to prove and show that if a bi guy didn’t tell you that he was bi, you’d never know it and, thus, it didn’t make us any different from the straight dudes out there… except how we like to scratch our itches.
We are good husbands and fathers, responsible and even law-abiding citizens and all that other good shit that people suggest that we can’t be; yet, all of the bad apples that also live in our particular barrel have sullied what it means to be a male bisexual because, no, no one’s perfect nor does everyone use the best possible judgment when it comes to sex and, yeah, some guys have and will screw the pooch in a very big way and it affects someone like me, someone who has never gotten into ‘trouble’ because I’m bisexual.
Then I was introduced to blogging and, well, most of you know how that turned out. While I did not come here as an unofficial advocate of male bisexuality and push some LGBT-like agenda, this is a place where I found that I could share my experiences and simply because they were on my mind and writing about them (and all that other stuff I wrote) was really good physical and occupational therapy for me. It allowed me to read the blogs of others who had questions, concerns, whatever, about male bisexuality… and I had some answers and commented as such.
At one point, I was going to keep blogging but not write another word about being bisexual, not because of a lack of an audience but because I didn’t think there was no longer a point in writing about it… and I said to myself – and rather loudly, “Oh, fuck that – I’m gonna keep writing about it because even if it does nothing for anyone else, it does something for me!” I don’t really need a million comments every time I write about being bisexual although, like any other writer, um, it would be kinda nice because everyone who blogs at least wants to know that someone is reading what’s being written.
I could talk about the sex from now until the cows and the sheep come home… but one of the things I learned over these many years is that while people can easily guess what we might do when it’s boy-on-boy, few people actually have an idea of what goes on in a bi guy’s mind about it along with the other issues I’ve run into that didn’t include having someone incorrectly calling me a faggot – that had me tell a guy, “Hmm, I don’t know… your wife didn’t think I was a faggot after I fucked her last night…”
That was better than punching him in the face which is what I wanted to do… but I digress further than I want to. Yeah, I realized that by sharing my sexuality with all who cared to read about, I was sharing a whole lot, maybe too much, and readers would get to know about a side of me that, really, not a whole lot of people really know. I realized that in a lot of ways, my sexuality is a part of my legacy as a human being even though as a single, Black and male bisexual, I’m no more than a drop of water in a very large ocean… but if I can make a splash, why the fuck not?
Maybe I make a difference… and maybe not but if I don’t try, then how can I make a difference? I’m not going to live long enough or have that kind of clout to change the world, Pyx… but I can try to change one mind at a time whenever and wherever I can because if I don’t, who will? And if not now, then when?