How Do We Do It?

22 Nov

Lifeofalovergirl – I call her Lovergirl for short (makes the spell checker happy, too) – commented on my last blog and asked about something rather interesting:  “And now i am thinking about whether or not when a guy gives another guy a bj, or they have anal or whatever, and one guy cums, do they usually stop? Or do both men usually get a chance to orgasm?

It’s a good question and I’d guess it’s easy to assume that when two guys get together for sex, things happen equally be it oral, anal, or both, and then they go they separate ways as a couple of very happy campers.  But that’s not entirely true and, as I said in my response to her, a lot of what happens depends on what the two guys have negotiated for.

I’ve agreed to give guys blow jobs and wasn’t interested in them returning the favor but, I guess most of the time, if I’m going to suck him off, he’s going to get me off like that as well – and then it’s a matter of how that takes place.  Maybe I pounce on him first and give him what I hope will be a memorable blow job, drain his nuts, then kick back and give him his shot at me.  Maybe we go for the tried and true sixty-nine or, yeah, he can beat me to the punch and start on me first (that usually doesn’t happen very often).

It only seems fair that if you’re gonna suck another guy’s cock, you get him to cum – and swallowing is up to the guy doing the work.  I’ve had guys who were unable to pull the trigger and blow me – but had no qualms with giving me a hand job but, still, the whole thing is about making each other bust a nut.

When anal is on the table, again it’s all about what’s been negotiated.  Guys who are known as bottoms usually don’t like fucking other men, taking satisfaction in being in the female role and offering up their ass to be fucked.  Likewise, guys who are known as tops usually don’t like being fucked but assume the ‘traditional’ male role and gets off laying serious pipe to the other guy.  There are guys who are known as versatile:  They don’t care one way or the other and will give and received according to what the other guy wants to do.

After a round of oral sex – and hopefully without either guy busting a nut – it’s pretty easy:  One guy fucks the other guy, gets his rocks crushed, then offers up his ass to be fucked.  But it doesn’t always happen like that because I’ve been with guys who have fucked me and once they’ve busted a nut, they’re no longer interested in continuing – I’ve never figured out why this happens but the closest I’ve gotten to a plausible explanation is that once he came, his lust was slaked and satisfied and instead of returning the favor and offering up his butt, he’d rather get dressed and go on about his business.  I mean, he could have had a change of heart and decided (without telling the other guy) that he didn’t want to be fucked.  I dunno and when I had that happen to me (back in the cock whore days), of course, I’d ask why and the guy just wasn’t able to explain why.

I told Lovergirl that men have this thing going on with them that drives a lot of us insane:  Refraction.  It’s what happens to us when we cum… and then we can’t get it right back up – and I’m not talking about using, ah, outside agents to keep the party rolling.  It happens to all men to some degree or another; some guys just recover faster than others while some guys won’t fully recover until the next day.  I know that refraction time can be different in the same man; I could recover in minutes one day and the next it might take an hour or more… or not at all.  I know that this happens… but I don’t pretend to understand how and why it can be so different.

Refraction drives women crazy… even if they didn’t know what it was called – but they know that homeboy just shot his load and now she’s left hanging in the breeze – and very unhappy with him.  It happens between men and while I’ve always been understanding, I can only guess that having the dude bust his nut and then not be able to make the other guy happy isn’t always well-accepted.

I know I’ve started to suck guys and instead of them sinking into the pool of oral happiness, they get frantic and even panicked to the point where they’re begging me to stop – and it’s because he knows that if cums too soon, he’s gonna be done and won’t want to continue to have sex.

So while the perception may be that a guy-on-guy encounter is always mutually satisfying, the truth is very different and is dependent upon many factors – and sometimes it doesn’t wind up being mutual because there’s no time for it to happen; with a lot of guy-on-guy encounters, they’re not always long drawn out sessions; you might have enough time to get blown and depending on how long it takes to cum, it might not leave any time for you to suck the other guy off or otherwise finish him.  And because a lot of guys will jerk off before showing up, it could be quite some time before he cums again so.  One of the tricks used to last longer because for most men, that first nut could come quickly – but the second one takes it own sweet time about showing up and, oh, yeah, that’s if refraction is going to allow him to get hard again after he’s jerked off.

Since there are a lot of tops that will not suck dick, well, that throws the whole mutual orgasm thing out the window; there are bottoms who do not like being sucked – and probably because they’ll nut and be taken out of the game.  Oh, he can still be fucked but as women know, few things feel as bad as being fucked when you no longer feel like being fucked.

Some guys actually don’t care if the other guy makes him cum or not; they’re happy to just get the other guy off by either means and then go on about his business; as I said, I’ve sucked guys off and didn’t care if he returned the favor or gets me off manually because after we part company, I can always jerk myself off or – and this is for Pyx – go home and get me some pussy.

How’s that for unity, babe?

The one situation where mutual release may not be a given is when a guy’s taking the plunge for the very first time, although I know some guys will suddenly get over their fear of sucking dick and do just that and, yeah, I’ve had first-timers do this to me and have swallowed my cum – but I did warn them first, which is good and proper etiquette.  I’ve had some first-timers be unable to leap the cock-sucking hurdle – but they’ve jerked me off instead.  But, at least in my experiences, I might blow him once or twice and never have him return the favor of getting me off – I never saw it as being unusual.

It all sounds fucked up when compared to what could be perceived as the “ideal sexual situation” – but it is what it is. It’s all about personal preferences and, sometimes, how a guy is feeling; time can be a major consideration in this and then there’s the whole top, bottom, versatile thing to consider – and even then mutually assured destruction of both guys might not be a given.

It happens and it’s just something that we accept as an occupational hazard and if we both cum, fine… but if someone doesn’t, well, sometimes it’s no big deal and sometimes it is.  It’s all situational and conditional and also subject to Murphy’s Law – if it can go wrong, it will go wrong.


Posted by on 22 November 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , , , ,

12 responses to “How Do We Do It?

  1. Pyx

    22 November 2013 at 03:48

    Its funny but I never saw man on man sex as any different than what goes on with man on woman sex: sometimes we have orgasms and sometimes we dont, it feels good so we do it and other times we arent in the mood. I mean obviously we are talking about two penises here but come on the human body is the human body even if it is same sex acts.

    Yes you included pussy ha ha haaa – but it’s nice knowing that going home to just that does cross ones mind in the midst of receiving!


    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2013 at 14:03

      The only things that are different is the participants and the lack of another orifice; otherwise, when two men get it on, it’s really not all that different than the usual boy/girl stuff; in some form or another, shit is going to happen and now it’s a question of whether it’s gonna be pleasant or a major disappointment. I know that people have this idea in their heads – and probably thanks to gay porn – that this is how guys always handle their business so, yeah, I like to put it out there that, no, that’s not what always happens; it doesn’t always result in mutual satisfaction.

      I thought you’d enjoy the fact that I included some coochie! And, yes, I have been in the middle of blowing a guy and the thought of going home and getting some pussy was very firmly in my mind. I wondered, at one point, whether this was some unconscious reminder that I’m supposed to be straight… but what I learned was that even though I could get sucked and fucked nicely, it just made me even hornier and then the women in my life would find out how extra-horny I was…

      Because at least in my mind, it couldn’t be any other way, if that makes sense to ya.


  2. astraltravler

    22 November 2013 at 15:35

    Dear KDaddy,
    This was really eye opening. I would to thank you for sharing your personal experiences. Of course there are things that I would have no idea being a female. The “mental” chatter that goes on in your male minds. I must admit it is much different for us gals. I know for me with the Women I have engaged with it was mutual that we pleasured each other to Orgasm. BTW I loved and giggled when you referenced to “busting a nut” so Thank You for the giggle.
    Your Friend,
    Anastasia 😊


    • kdaddy23

      22 November 2013 at 17:38

      Dear Anastasia, one of the things I try to show people when I write about this is how men think differently than women do about sex. Yes, the general idea is when “Paul” and “Dave” hook up, the pleasure’s gonna be mutual – everybody gets their rocks off. In this writing, I’m trying convey that, uh, that’s not always the case or the intended purpose because, men – just like women – are often of different minds about this and, yeah, minds can get changed while the sex is in progress.

      I know that the chatter that goes on in my mind is, indeed, interesting before, during, and after. Whether other guys have similar chatter is assumed… but assumed to be different than what might be going on in my head. I try to allow people to understand that while there’s this… image of what sex between men is like, it’s a bit more complicated than that or, as I try to simply put, we don’t all do what everyone thinks we do.

      It’s about what a guy finds gratifying or, at least he hopes and thinks it will be. I can give a guy head and be perfectly satisfied getting him off and without him returning the favor, for example. Some of it is about not having any expectations even though you’ve agreed to do certain things; if I’ve gotten with a guy for the sole purpose of sucking him off without reciprocation – but then he turns around and blows me, well, okay, that’s not what we agreed would take place… but I’m not gonna fuss with him because he changed his mind and decided he needed to suck me for whatever reason.

      Even better, there are times when this arrangement can go horribly wrong. Again, I’ve been with guys and the plan was for some mutual cock-sucking and only that… only to have the guy change his mind and deciding that he either wanted to fuck me or wanted me to fuck him, keeping in mind that I would have told him from the beginning that I wasn’t into doing it anymore. In my younger days, I wouldn’t have thought much about this abrupt change of plans other than to idly wonder what made him change his mind… and I came to understand it because sex has the power to unlock things inside of a person, toss any inhibitions aside, and do stuff that either wasn’t agreed to or isn’t normally done.


      • astraltravler

        22 November 2013 at 18:55

        Dearest KDaady,
        I can’t begin to express my Appreciation, Admiration, and Gratitude to you. The gift you have given to me is priceless. It’s like receiving confidential information from enemy lines. I have always been fascinated by the way a male thinks. His wants, desires, sexual fantasies and then the thoughts he places on himself regarding adequacy, being able to obtain/achieve erection. Am I wrong in thinking that the majority of thought is about and or surrounding your manhood? I appreciate you taking the time to respond with your personal experience in more than 2 sentences.
        Your Friend,
        Anastasia 😊


      • kdaddy23

        22 November 2013 at 20:06

        You honor me, Anastasia! No, I never really think about my manhood like that; I know how it works and stuff like that but I no more think about it than I do think about breathing. I know men tend to think in terms of being adequate and having the pressure put upon them to perform up to and exceeding someone else’s standards – this can have devastating impact on a man, by the way – so it’s really about doing the best you can with what you have available and with the knowledge that a mere thought can take you from magnificently hard to woefully flaccid in mere seconds.

        But that’s really no different from having sex with a woman; we can get overstimulated both physically and emotionally and, oops, no more boner; this same overstimulation can make us cum too soon or even not at all and, well, I don’t know about other guys but I’m always aware of it… but I don’t worry about it – if it happens, it happens and, hopefully, whoever I’m with will both understand and be patient until I can calm down and start over again. But, with some men and women, this naturally occurring incident is intolerable and they see it as being unfair to them or, worse, makes them think you’re not enjoying the sex you’re having with them.

        The science behind some of this stuff is fascinating! I’ve dealt with guys who have adequacy issues: Their cock isn’t long or thick enough, they tend to get overexcited more often than not and either lose their erection or ejaculate too soon so when you’re dealing with a guy who actually actively worries about this, it’s about assuring him by word and deed that it’ll be okay because having sex isn’t always about busting a nut – you can experience lots of pleasure without doing it. I know women, more than men, can get really bent out of shape if a guy has these issues and, in my experiences, they aren’t always very forgiving and understanding and once a guy has been tagged as being physically unable to perform, he’s pretty much hosed.

        But that’s an entirely different topic of discussion.

        I invite you, as I invite all who read, to ask questions if you have them and I’ll do my level best to answer them, okay?


      • astraltravler

        22 November 2013 at 20:37

        Did you do a post on expectations?
        I did not know that if too or overstimulated that you could loose an erection. Fascinating. Yes I witnessed first hand while participating in a FMF the female partner flat out said “What’s up you’re not hard.” I couldn’t believe she said that, and I felt so bad for her male partner. That relationship has many dysfunctional aspects. Yes I do understand that some females are unforgiving.
        Your Friend,
        Anastasia 😊


      • kdaddy23

        22 November 2013 at 20:48

        I don’t recall if I ever specifically wrote anything about expectations except I have mentioned from time to time where one’s expectations before the fact could have a negative effect on the sex before it ever happens. I don’t know about other people, Anastasia, but I’ve learned to zero out my expectations and if I’m going to expect anything, it’s simply that I’m going to have fun doing whatever it is I find myself doing, whether it’s sucking dick or eating pussy until the woman passes out. And, yeah, even expecting to have fun can be a mistake because while you can be kinda sure about yourself, you just never know about the other person.


      • astraltravler

        22 November 2013 at 20:51

        That’s so true.
        Have A Fantastic Night My Friend.
        Your Friend,
        Anastasia 😊


  3. sexuallycurious

    23 November 2013 at 00:48

    In my somewhat vast set of experiences with men I can relate to all of your experiences. Some are interested only about themselves cumming, while others absolutely have to have both guys cum. For me, it depends upon my mood and what type of guy I’m with…



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