We have yet another celebrity churning up the muck at the bottom of the pool we call sexuality, an Olympic swimmer for the UK in this case. First thought is, okay, he’s come out – good for him, I guess but given the reaction to his coming out, maybe it’s not such a good thing. While he – Daley – avoided applying the bisexual label to himself, he implied it ’cause he says he still fancies girls and, okay, that would be implied bisexuality unless he cared to explain his fancy… so why assume that he’s gay?
I dunno… maybe it’s just me… but I don’t pretend to understand how people just cannot believe that bisexuals exist and how they’re the ones in denial about things. We all understand the whole boy/girl thing just as we’ve come to understand the boy/boy and girl/girl thing so logic and common sense both insist that if these situations exist, then the middle ground has to exist – and it’s insane to think that it couldn’t exist.
I’m bisexual and have been for 49 of my 58 years – does anyone think I’ve been going through a phase all this time? Am I greedy? Like I said in my comments to the above-referenced blog, yeah, I’d have to plead guilty to this one because who among us isn’t interested in having all the sex they can possibly have? Am I – or could I be – in denial about really being gay? Fuck no, not when I know how much I love pussy and the women attached to them.
And the clincher in all of this is how can anyone tell me that I’m gay when I know for a damned fact that I’m not? Are people really that stupid? Apparently so if they can’t understand the conditions under which a bisexual could exist. The “if you’re not straight, you’re gay” mindset is just baffling and more so when gay people have joined the ‘bisexuals don’t exist’ bandwagon. Oh, if only you could see the look on my face right now!
Okay, so if bisexuals don’t exist, then following whatever logic people use to determine this, then neither do those people who were born male – but believe that they’re female… yet, we know that these folks do exist, don’t we? Sure, we might question what’s going on their heads on this one – I know I’ve questioned it and have given myself some pretty good headaches trying to figure out just how in the hell that works… but it doesn’t change the fact that the people who feel this way about themselves do, in fact, exist.
So why is it so inconceivable that bisexuals can exist? Why does the “if you’re not straight, you’re gay” mindset continue to exist in the face of the evidence that says this just isn’t true? This is the real question that needs answering, not whether or not bisexuals exist. Have we, as a species, become so insular and so… ignorant that some weird sort of mass denial is taking place and instead of those factions who insist that we don’t exist owning up to their denial, they’re willing to foist the blame for their shortsightedness onto those who, perhaps, see sex and sexuality with better eyes?
There are even bisexuals who are in some form of denial about the fact that they are as they slice and dice the facts to put a spin on things and in such a way to draw certain lines in the sand, like some of the stuff I’ve been reading about people saying they’re not bi because they couldn’t have a relationship with someone who’s the same sex as they are. Seriously? It’s clear – at least to me – that the whole “you gotta be in a relationship” thing is so ingrained into us that we just automatically assume that we can’t do one thing because we can’t (or don’t want to) do the other. How many times have y’all seen me write that you don’t have to have a relationship with someone to have sex with them? I mean, shit, people have sex with other people all of time time and the only relationship they’re having with them is a sexual one! So if there are people who can go out and have all the casual sex they can handle – and they don’t want to be in a relationship for whatever reason suits them, why does being in a relationship and having some same-sex sex make sense?
A lot of this is rhetorical – I know the answer and it’s simply that we’ve all been told that having sex outside of a relationship is the wrong way to go about it and the only reason to have sex is when you’re in a relationship – and that’s a lie… but one that too many of us continue to live even when we’re having sex that’s widely considered to be taboo.
It’s a question that needs not to be asked any longer… because it doesn’t make sense to keep questioning something that undeniably exists, to keep insisting that it’s something other than what it obviously is, and to keep insisting that if you’re not straight, you just gotta be gay or in severe denial about being gay.
It can’t be possible that I’m the only person who sees just how totally insane this question is. Okay, I can understand the shock and awe to find out that someone you thought was straight really wasn’t. I can see asking them – once the initial shock has worn off – whether they’re gay or not… but if they tell you that they aren’t gay because they enjoy men and women, why is it so difficult to accept what they’ve said about themselves? Did this person suddenly cease to exist because they have the nerve to like both? And if you think this ‘logic’ is crazy, then perhaps you can understand how crazy this bisexual question is.