I Can’t Relate

12 Dec

One of the things that has been driving me a little nutty has been reading blogs about being bi and the assumption that in order to fulfill one’s bisexuality, there has to be a relationship in place; in my mind, if any kind of relationship is being formed, it’s a sexual one and whether it’s a one-time shot with another person or you’re a repeat customer, that’s nowhere close to being the same kind of thing as being in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex (MOTOS).

I wonder where this notion came from and I asked myself if it were possible that people try to approach bisexuality in the same manner they would when pursuing a straight relationship… which kept bringing me back to wondering why some folks would think this is some hard-coded requirement in order to express one’s bisexuality.

After having a gay roommate when I was in the service, I learned early on that even though we actually weren’t in a relationship with each other, living with a gay, effeminate man was a bit of a nightmare; if that taught me anything, it taught me that if I’m going to have to experience that kind of grief, I’d rather deal with women instead of a man who behaves like one.  Even today, just thinking about how my roomie used to behave sends shivers down my spine.

And when I was in a relationship with another man – another effeminate kind of guy – he drove me nuts with his insecurities, which only served to remind me that while guys are nice to have sex with and more so when you don’t have to run around looking for one to have sex with, being in a relationship with one just grates on my last good nerve.  I’m never gonna say never again… but I would be extremely hesitant.

Like most bi guys, whoo, my interest in women cannot be fully explained with mere words so when it comes to having a relationship and playing house, hands down, my first choice would be to do that with a woman – and I accept this as a no-brainer and that being in a relationship with a guy only just wouldn’t work for me… and it doesn’t have to because, for the most part, there’s no mandate that says I have to behave in this fashion in order to have sex with another man.

But that’s me and it’s the thing that makes me wonder where this relationship requirement came from.  I do kinda get the sense that some folks put emphasis on this as a reason for them to not indulge in same-sex activities, which is similar to how some people aren’t too keen about having sex when they’re not in a relationship, which also makes me think about whether or not GYFAM – go ye forth and multiply – is something that’s hard-coded into us by genetics or the classical conditioning all of us undergo to make sure we only have sex in the accepted conditions.

So… if you’re not in a relationship with someone, sex isn’t supposed to be possible?  If you’re a bi guy and in a relationship with a woman, does it mean that in order to go get you some dick, you have to give up your relationship with a woman in favor of a relationship with a guy?  Is it me or does this not make sense?  Could it be possible that there are bisexuals out there that really don’t know the difference between a romantic relationship and a sexual one… and could that be due to the fact that having a relationship just for the sex is usually frowned upon?

Yet there are those who could have a sexual relationship with an MOTOS and right alongside the one they’re having with someone else, something that while frowned upon, no one finds all that unusual; they’re with that other person just for the sex and not for the purpose of playing house with them… because they’re already playing house with someone.

There’s a disconnect going on here, would you agree?  Or am I the only one who thinks so?  See, it’s not that there are other bisexuals out there that I find so terribly interesting – it’s how they deal with being bi that I find so fascinating right along with those who will admit to their bisexuality… but there’s always a “but” or some kind of condition in effect that doesn’t allow them to express themselves in this manner… like having to be in a relationship, for example.

Yep, I understand there are bisexuals in MOTOS relationships who are not going to cheat on their partners in order to satisfy their urges… but that’s not the same as some of the stuff I’ve been seeing here on WordPress where people on the one hand say that they’re bi… then say that they aren’t because they couldn’t have a relationship with a MOTSS.

And I find myself once again asking, “Who says you have to?”  Oh, I would just love to have someone who believes they have to be in a relationship to do this stop by and give me their take on it because I’d really like to understand this better than I do.  I could very well be missing something; it could be that I’m really so old school about having this kind of sex that I’ve missed the boat on a change in the bisexual dynamic that has now become a major requirement.  I admit that this confuses me…


Posted by on 12 December 2013 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , ,

6 responses to “I Can’t Relate

  1. larryarcher

    12 December 2013 at 22:33

    I think I understand your comment and that’s sort of like swinging. While we have sex with other couples, there is no relationship. If you enjoy being with someone then what does it hurt to just be a friends with benefits. In my opinion, if you are talking to a straight person, they all seem to need to figure what’s wrong with you as they can’t accept the fact your are not in a relationship yet having sex with someone else and that’s wrong in their mind.


    • kdaddy23

      12 December 2013 at 22:57

      Hi, Larry! Yeah, I know that swingers are really and seriously big on NSA and see any romantic attachments as being anathema – swingers have some pretty funny thoughts about this. But we’ve lived under the “no sex without being in a relationship” rule like forever and that’s a hard thing for people to shake from their consciousness; it’s why people tend to frown on swingers and other people who firmly believe in non-relationship, casual sex, even when they’re bisexual or even gay.


      • larryarcher

        13 December 2013 at 13:52

        To a shrink some of the shit we do would make Freud crazy. For example if I fuck some girls brains out that is OK but she better not catch me giving her a foot massage. LOL


      • kdaddy23

        13 December 2013 at 14:27

        Freud would need a shrink trying to figure out today’s attitudes behind sex and sexuality. I could fuck a girl’s brains out, eat her until she begged for mercy… but if I wanted to kiss her, her hubby might freak the hell out because kissing her is too personal. This is the kind of stuff swingers do that makes me nuts ’cause a kiss is too personal… but I’m allowed to do things with her that maybe her husband won’t or can’t do?

        Go figure…


      • larryarcher

        13 December 2013 at 16:55

        Sorry to tell you buts that’s also on our no list. We consider kissing to be much too personal and while kissing is generally OK spending a half hour checking her tonsils is a definite no no. We have a girlfriend who’s boyfriend doesn’t like anal yet she loves it. So I’m allowed her mouth and behind but pussy is off limits. Another go figure?


      • kdaddy23

        13 December 2013 at 17:34

        Yep it sure is!



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