One of the definitions of the word is “One who betrays another’s trust or is false to an obligation or duty…” (courtesy of my iPod’s Merriam-Webster dictionary) and, in reading some other bisexual blogs, I’ve run across this word a few times as it is said that as bisexual men, some gay men see us as being traitors because we’re not of a mind to dedicate ourselves to being totally gay.
I know I’ve been told that I’m betraying the gay cause because I love women, as if women are enemies of the gay state, something that used to irk the daylights out of me because I wasn’t aware of the fact that because I do enjoy sex with men, I was supposed to choose sides and the only acceptable choice was the gay side of things.
I find this position by that faction of gay men to be a patently silly one; I certainly don’t find their singular love of men to be traitorous by any stretch of the imagination but I can understand that they are, in a very odd way, in direct competition with women who some gay men definitely have a hate-hate relationship with and in the same way some lesbians hate men.
There are some gay men who feel this way even when they get to have sex with a bi guy; I have had a gay guy slurping happily on my cock and heard him say, “It’s a damned shame to waste this dick on a lousy piece of pussy…;” I’ve had them suggest that I’d be better off being in a relationship with a man and, of course, I’ve had them fussing with me because I won’t cross completely over to their side, going out of their way to make women appear to be the worst people on the planet.
I can even understand why some gay men don’t like women; some guys have gone totally over to the gay side because of something a woman may have done to them; some have actually tried being with a woman, only to find out what their true calling was… and that’s fine as far as I’m concerned because their problems with women aren’t my problems with women and even when I’ve had issues with women, eh, I just love them too much to just give up on them and then seek the solace and comfort they can give from men alone.
I had a gay roommate when I was in the service and, frankly, he drove me nuts with his behavior and I used to fuss with him whenever he’d get into his “You need to give up women!” rant, something I never found amusing at the time. He’d make me even nuttier when I’d be inside him and he’d ask me, “Isn’t this better than some stinking pussy?” – then he’d get pissed when I’d answer him truthfully: “No, it isn’t…”
He was the first gay guy who labeled me a traitor to the cause some forty years ago… and it seems that in the here and now, there are still gay men who feel that bi guys are traitors when, in fact, we’re not; it’s not our fault that we can do something that they’re either unwilling or incapable of doing where women are concerned.
A couple of years ago, I ran across some blogs here on WordPress where hard-core lesbians deemed that a lesbian who had sex with a man in order to have a baby was a traitor to the cause… and I admit to being a bit perplexed about that because not everyone qualifies to adopt a child and in vitro fertilization is very expensive and beyond the means of most women straight or otherwise. So, yeah, if a lesbian wants to have a child, can’t qualify to adopt and can’t afford to be artificially inseminated, taking the only choice available, to me, doesn’t make her a traitor – she’s just doing what she has to do to achieve the desired goal.
When it comes to one’s sexuality, it’s about being true to one’s self first and foremost and, importantly, in the face of strong opposition – it’s about not betraying yourself in this. Yep, there’s a price to pay when you straddle the sexual fence as you can be subjected to a lot of flak from some straight folks for being big time sinners and immoral and from some gay folks for being traitorous, in denial, etc.. One has to ask themselves if this behavior makes any sense; I’ve asked myself this and in my mind, no, it doesn’t make any sense because, as I told one gay guy, “This is about me doing what I want and need to do and not about what you or anyone else thinks I should be doing…”
If there is a cause, some sort of obligation/duty we must be true to, it’s being the type of person we want and need to be and regardless to the path we take to achieve this goal in life. When you get right down to the heart of the matter, it doesn’t matter if you love women, love men, or love both because we all have to be about the business of being human. We should rejoice in our diversity, should be able to see all of the things we have in common instead of being so insular and even arrogant to believe that the way one side does something is the only and best way to do things.
- An open letter to intolerant lesbians,gays and heterosexuals. (alexkellyoc.wordpress.com)