“Advice for Budding Bisexuals”

06 Jan

Surprisingly, the title of this writing is the only Top Searches item I have today – I’ve gotten used to seeing lots of stuff in that box.  I took a moment to think about what I’d say to a budding bisexual today and in light of recent media crap that puts a lot of doubt into something that has been around since humans started having sex.  So, here goes…

  • Don’t believe everything you read about bisexuals not being real because, duh, we are.
  • Don’t buy into the stereotypes and other bullshit about bisexuals; we can be just as faithful in a relationship as other people; we’re not as promiscuous or greedy as people say we are.
  • Don’t let peer pressure deter you from working this out in your mind; if you spend more time thinking about what others will say, you’re only making this harder on yourself.
  • Think first… then act if you must.  Don’t get into a rush to have the sex; get it all worked out in your head, seek other bisexuals who can answer important questions for you and, most of all, determine if being bisexual is going to be the best thing for you and the life you want to live.  Then, if you decide to take the plunge, do it smartly and safely.
  • Don’t waffle or be wishy-washy; your sexuality and how you’re going to define it to yourself is very important so work out your thoughts and feelings on this with confidence and certainty.
  • Don’t concern yourself with coming out until you’ve come out to yourself; like the second bullet point, if you’re spending more time worrying about who you’re gonna tell and how they’re gonna react, you’re really making this harder on yourself.
  • Read the definition for the word bisexual – then decide for yourself what parts of it apply to you because the definition isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.  Tailor it to fit your desires, feelings, and needs – own the process in your own way.
  • Don’t think of bisexuality in terms of having a relationship… unless you’re looking to have some sort of relationship (other than a sexual one) with someone who’s the same sex as you are.  And, yes, you can be in a straight relationship and still be bisexual so don’t let anyone tell you that this is impossible; also, do not ever let anyone tell you to stop being bisexual; while you can control your actions in this, no one has the right to tell you how you should feel about your sexuality, budding or otherwise.
  • Open your mind – seriously.  Bisexuality isn’t just about the sex or your feelings – it’s also about the way you think, too.  I’ll let you think about that one…
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re just ‘going through a phase’ or that you’re in denial about really being gay – that’s sheer nonsense because no one else can tell you about what’s going on in your head about this… unless they’re Vulcan and can mind-meld with you.
  • You’re going to have to “revise” your views on morality; you may even question any religious convictions you may have so don’t be afraid to do this and come to terms with these things.
  • Ask questions… lots of questions.  If you can or want to, get in touch with your local LGBTQ chapter, search the Internet, read blogs written by other bisexuals and always keep in mind that it’s just information because the final decision about this is yours and yours alone.
  • Relax; you’re not the only budding bisexual in the world because everyone who is bi had a first time so you’re in good company.
  • If/when you take the plunge, take baby steps – you don’t have to do all that can be done that very first time.  Take the time to experiment, to find out what you like or don’t like and, most of all, don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
  • You don’t have to have the sex; despite what’s being said, bisexuality is about one’s emotions as it is any physical desires they may have.  I know quite a few bisexuals who have never taken the plunge and they probably never will.

Needless to say, I could probably spend the next couple of days writing more ‘advice’ – but I guess this is a good start.

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Posted by on 6 January 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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