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Another Side of Being Poly

08 Jan

We have quite a few bloggers here who are into being poly and I salute them for being able to step out of the monogamous mold.  I was reading this article yesterday – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/07/single-moms-marriage_n_4557202.html – and it kinda bothered me to read that the ‘solution’ to getting married to avoid poverty and failing was to try to do better.  The article goes on to say a lot of other stuff… but I kinda stopped reading after a while because I got the impression that while it kinda says that single moms may not do well if they marry to keep from being poor, it still promotes marriage just the same.

It got me thinking about another side of being poly that has nothing to do with sex, like being able to pool resources and in a way that benefits everyone and because those involved are, in fact, in a relationship with each other – usually a closed version – everyone (in theory) has a vested interest because their continued well-being depends on the others in the relationship just as much as their depends on everyone else.

Think of the hippy communes back in the 70s where you had groups of people working together for a common goal – whether this had a sexual component or not isn’t important at this time.  An even more modern version is one I see almost every day:  We have a lot of Chinese college students where we live and it’s not unusual to see them moving in with each other and sharing the costs associated with living here and just taking care of business because it’s easier to handle this with more than one or two people.  Again, none of what they’re doing has anything to do with sex and, if it does, I’m not aware of it so I wouldn’t assume that any hanky-panky is going on.

Monogamy might be good for a lot of things but, as that article I mentioned points out, it’s not always good for heading off poverty or reversing that state, not like it used to be.  It made me wonder – rhetorically – why impoverished women don’t or won’t surround themselves with others, bind them to a relationship so that everyone has that vested interest, and perhaps improve their survivability?  You get the right people into the mix and not only can a bad financial situation be turned around but it can also provide stability and security as well as all of the love and affection one could possibly stand.

Granted, it’s not the easiest thing to do; one would have to overcome a lot of ingrained beliefs where being monogamous is concerned as well as being able to select partners in this who are compatible with their needs – and I’m not just talking about the lack of financial solvency.  I’ve read a few things where some folks have said that they couldn’t deal with having multiple “wives” or “husbands” and, yeah, if you’ve ever been married, then you know how… interesting that can get.  But which would one rather do:  Deal with multiple partners or keep being poor and struggling to survive?

You’d think this wouldn’t be a difficult choice to make… but some people would rather continue to struggle than to look into an option that our society tends to frown upon and that’s anything that has to do with poly-anything.  Yes, it calls for one to be able to step out of the monogamous box and having to change the way they look and think about relationships and, at the risk of repeating myself, it’s not an easy thing to do… but if you could do it and make your life better, why not give it some thought?

We tend to think of poly in terms of love and sex… but there’s another side of being poly that a lot of people don’t know about or, if they do know about it, they don’t say much about it.

Okay, now to find something else to write about…

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 8 January 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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4 responses to “Another Side of Being Poly

  1. Pyx

    9 January 2014 at 08:34

    It’s true, we rarely read about the involvement of kids and family relations but I think that is because there are still a lot of people that are trying to work this out with their partner and lets be honest a lot of the time it doesnt work out. Coming out to family and friends can be difficult, I certainly had more than my share tell me what they thought so I can see why there still is a desire to keep kids at a distance from such a reality or why taking is slow and keeping it private matters: to me this is a good thing.

    Of course for me, if mom and dad are divorced and now married to other people and have kids from those marriages or not it should be one big large family unit of love and support for those people. Unfortunately look at most divorces and you rarely find one that is friends or still admirers their ex. and I think that is a very important element in poly families.

    As poly adults we made this choice for us, with other adults, but for kids and family to say they must accept us because we are happy is unrealistic and awfully demanding. Schools have slowly come to introduce the concept to children that Sally can have two mommies or two daddies but poly units have a different level of responsibility – one that is communal (in my opinion) does not require large broadcasting because I still think neighbours should play a role as should teachers ect the whole ‘it takes a village’ t hing… so if my poly lover was involved in my life what role would he play with my kids/family: it is not as clear cut as having two dads.

    Some poly people mix it up for the sexual element and some go beyond that but I think it is messed up to expect our kids to accept five different uncles: ie, this is uncle PC and this is uncle D , I mean I can’t imaging exposing my kids to everyone I know, get involved with them and then have that person just be gone one day – revolving door of people in and out – but I certainly believe and have my own opinions on multiple family dwellings and the prospect it could give women if we were to get along and help each other out even without a man around.

    Great entry I will go and read the story,
    cheers!

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      9 January 2014 at 13:06

      Poly with kids can be difficult; that situation has to be handled with as much care as possible but, hmm, it makes me wonder what’s more messed up – having five different “uncles” having an active role in their lives or having to deal with mommy bringing home a lot of strange men who are gonna treat them as if they didn’t exist (or worse) – but I see your point and it is a valid one. And perhaps these poor women with children would never consider such a thing because of a fear/concern over how this might impact the children; it’s probably easier in their minds to find a man and marry him with the hopes that their lives will be made better – and that’s just not a given anymore, not like it used to be back in the day.

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  2. lifeofalovergirl

    10 January 2014 at 21:08

    As a single mom with 5 kids, there are definitely times I would be more than happy to have someone to help, emotionally, financially. Long ago rich men had multiple wives and while maybe that sucked in a lot of ways it helped otherwise poor women escape poverty. I struggle with the whole concept of bringing men around my kids. Generally I dont, but then, it’s like you say, they have NO male role models at all and this is especially hard with a bunch of boys. I cant wait to move closer to family because at least my brothers and my sisters boyfriend will be around sometime. Im not so sure im opposed anymore to the men in my life coming around once I’ve determined they are sufficiently safe. Because if Mommy has lots of male friends, at least there is someone to talk to about sports or have a pickup game of basketball with or to wrestle with them In the living room. Yeah they may come and go but so do teachers and coaches and most other people in life. Might be better to have a big poly family around than no one. Granted i am partial to bigger families too. There’s always someone around that way.

    Like

     

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